Nicknames you've given to strangers

In My Humble Opinion
121

My usual bus to work has always had an interesting array of characters.

It is quite an interesting route, there are office workers, hotel employees, IT workers, blue collar workers, and retail workers - there are quite a variety of different people.

First there was Metal Krishna who went from headbanger leather jackets & long strawberry blond hair to shaving his head, all except a pony tail like a Hare Krishna & wearing one of those hippy hemp pull over coats.

Then there was Mr. Jazz Beard, who once was not too bad looking, but started wearing knitted caps - ala jazz musician & grew the jazz beard (think goatee but no mustache & rather scraggly).

There also used to be King Rockabilly - he wore a leather jacket & had a pompadour you would not believe. He didn’t take the bus every day, but perhaps a classic car or motorcycle was not in working condition from time to time.

Then there was 1980’s lady. She has a perm & shoulder pads. She looks just like everyone’s mom back in 1984 or so.

Then there is unibrow mom with unibrow baby… Probably the least attractive mother & daughter I have ever seen in my life, both with a unibrow the shape of a seagull

And there is a hair styling school on my bus route, which have brought a plethora of interesting creatures, such as wannabe-teenage hooker, 40 year old mom in her daughter’s clothing, funky punker (she loved hair dye & her hair color was different from day to day) & miss egads! she cuts her own hair!

There are also the special young adults, who work at the Ikea cafeteria & proudly wear their special olympics pins, and have no understanding of using their inside voices. They speak very loudly to each other about their lives (including sex lives), and sometimes argue between each other.

Yes, the bus is fun!

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DJ 3am He lived below me and played bad ceiling thumping techno in the wee hours of the morning.

Chris Cooper Our building’s grounds manager. He looks like Chris Cooper in Adaptation. My boyfriend and I whisper “proboscis” to each other after seeing him.

Snowbabies This must be said in your best Paula Deen accent. She is an old manager of mine who was very very excited about Hallmark Snowbabies.

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Toupee - a middle-aged man at church who styles his thick, glossy, perfectly medium brown hair so that it looks like a hairpiece. We’re looked as closely as we could without him noticing, and its his own hair, he just styles it so unflatteringly.

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90 Degree Head Dude - a hunchback who walked around the neighborhood with a shopping cart collecting aluminum cans. His head was angled such that he was always staring directly at the ground.

Pat - he’s just a regular guy with a mostly shaved head and really small feet with soft, almost cartoon-style, shoes. I usually see him on the street coming from a different direction on the way to the train station. I could make up other things about him, but mostly he’s just “pat-pat-pat-pat-pat” in his little shoes.

The Waddler(s) - anyone in a public space, like a train station, who walks really slowly in front of you, often near exits or entrances, especially during rush-hour when you’re in a super hurry.

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There was Box O’ Rocks, a guy we interviewed at my former company who was an MD, yet could not for the life of him understand what a pharmacy benefit manager did.

Stinky feet guy, who smelled like feet, used to sit in the MetroLink near me. Waayyy too near me.

Enigma Man also rode on the MetroLink with me. He was crazy as the day is long, waving and calling hello to imaginary people outside the train as we went downtown. I was never sure whether to feel sorry for him or be jealous of him because he was always so cheerful.

DQ was short for Drama Queen, someone who worked in my building and would flip out with little to no provocation.

Mrs. Robinson was the older lady across the street who used to flirt with anything male. I liked her. She was fiesty. But she kind of creeped my husband out.

Serial Killer is our neighbor across the street. I haven’t seen his wife very often, but he keeps re-cementing his walk and refuses to speak to any of his neighbors. If I didn’t see her every month or so, I’d assume she was under the walkway by now.

Guitar Guy was the guy who sat on his porch swing playing the guitar and singing in the summer. I really liked him. He was very, very good and I looked forward to him every time I came up over the hill.

126

Shocker Khan and I do this a lot, both with people as well as with business names.

The upstairs neighbor is “Big Boobie Grouchy Face.”

A Thai place we like, Jitlada, is known to us only as “Jizz on Alan Alda.”

127

…Wow, I didn’t even see this reply. Oops!

I think your HeyLady sounds a bit louder than my Retard Lady. RL talks very loud, but I’ve never actually heard her shout. And to my knowledge she doesn’t demand the front seat (though admittedly she’s always on the bus before me, so I wouldn’t exactly know that).

I live in the Twin Cities, btw. :smiley:

128

The bright light people. One evening, there was a bright light shining in our apartment. The people across the courtyard, who had recently moved in, had a lamp sitting on the floor of their living room, with no lamp shade and about a 100 W bulb in it.

They were actually nice, normal people, and only did it that one time. They parked in the spot next to us, and had a convertible, as did I, so we talked from time to time. But once you get a nickname like that, you’re branded for life. This was about fifteen years ago. I just asked my wife “Remember the bright light people?” Yep.

129

He’s not a stranger, but I think of one of my students as “Adam Lambert.” He’s got it going on, right down to the black nail polish.

130

Ages ago, my friend Jerry and I used to refer to such folk as “Business Bob and Friends.”

131

Sleeping Asian Birds Nest - on my subway ride home, there is this older Asian lady who is asleep the whole ride and has a messy bun on her head. If her head wasn’t lolling around, it would definitely make a nice bird perch

Communist Russia Deodorant Wears You - An older working class guy with a heavy Russian accent who gets onto the subway at the same stop and time as me who stinks to high heaven.

Irish Squish Faces - I work in Boston so I see a ton of Irish guys. You can tell by their pug noses, tiny eyes, and all their features squished in the middle of their face (see Matt Damon)

Nouveau Poor - people who dress way too chi chi for public transpo.

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The Gangbanger Family: Dad dresses like it, mom is trashy, kids and dog run everywhere and get sworn at.

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Backstroking Jesus - Skinny guy, with long, unkept hair and long beard (must be a grad student) that swims laps in the pool, only backstroke - nothing else, and will run over anyone else in the lane. People flee the lane in fear when the Backstrokin’ Jesus comes into the pool.

The Unajuggler - A guy that rides a unicycle and juggles basketballs. Seen almost daily during the summer on the same bike path outside of town.

134

I had a neighbor years back we called Proud Non-Pants Wearing-Man.

He sat out on his porch every morning with a cup of coffee, wearing nothing but his tightie-whities.

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Thumper (or Stampy) - a poor, old, shabby man on the bus. There was something wrong with him (duh) - he used to stamp his foot repeatedly, occasionally just a few times, sometimes really going to town and working up a sweat.

Balloon-a-tic - a poor, old, deaf mute who somehow got permission to sell, from a little shed on a city street corner, balloons. Ordinary balloons. Tied to a wooden stick. Hey, what kid wouldn’t want a balloon tied to a stick?

The Garage Dweller - guy across the street who is always loitering in his open garage. Not sure what, if anything, he’s doing (probably smoking), but he’s out there at all times of the day or night.

Boobs LaRue - waitress whose chest entered the room before the rest of her. Yes, I’m being insulting because she was a sullen moron who felt she was too damn good for the job; give her a table of frat boys attracted by her prominent assets, though, and she perked right up, laughin’ and jokin’ and hangin’ with her admirers while you tried in vain to pay for your food.

136

Forgot to mention The Prince of Darkness and his Minions. Satanic looking guy with shaved head, black 'stache, goatee, and fierce eyebrows, walking his two enormous dogs. See him coming and you’d say, here comes Satan and his hounds of hell.

Makeup Man - odd looking effeminate guy on the bus, quite homely, and his looks not at all improved by a layer of pancake makeup, blush, and lip gloss.

137

I got Bulbous Dan in my creative writing workshop. He’s has a bulbous nose, is mean-spirited and carries an air of superiority because he’s Jewish and writes about Jewish issues and The Jewish Sadness and the rest of us goys cannot possibly hope to understand.

Bulbous Dan is not a particularly popular guy 'round these parts.

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Dancy The Dancing Dancer - The guy who runs the coffee truck at the train station. He does this thing were he takes two dumbells and holds them behind his back, palms outward, against his buttocks. He alternates lifting them about 6 inches, while jogging in place. As soon as I seem him doing it, I immediately start with the theme song from I Dream of Jeannie. I can’t help myself.

The Grumbly Twins - Two women on my train who are cartoonishly unattractive.

139

In my neighborhood are Walking Mr. Miyagi and His Wife. The guy is a small Asian guy with a backpack and hat on walking in the neighborhood a lot presumably for exercise. His wife is always several paces behind him.

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The Dog Walking Posse: This is a collection of adults, kids, and dogs that all live in the same cul-de-sac nearby and travel around the neighborhood every day like an exercising posse.

The Screaming Meemies: This woman and her adult daughter live with the daughter’s two young sons and start every morning by screaming at the kids at the top of their lungs. My friend J. is unfortunate enough to live next door to them. I’m just glad I don’t.