From my local Craigslist:
Ninja Puppies (Morrison, TN)
Here’s the deal: We have a Jack Russell terrier that stays in our fenced in side yard. The fence is 42" tall and has a wire running along the bottom of it that holds the chain link tight against the ground. The only way in or out is to use the gate, dig under it, or jump over it. I’m sure she could jump over it if she really wanted to, but she’s really not bright enough to do that. She will just run back and forth along the fence making funny noises until she either gets what she wants or she is distracted by something else. So how did she get pregnant? I really have no idea, so I asked around at work and among family during Christmas. There was no shortage of hypothesis.
Some of the ideas that struck a chord with me were the ‘through the fence’ hypothesis, the ‘sneaky neighbor’ story, and the ninja dog. I don’t give the ‘through the fence’ idea much credence because I know the dog. She would not be still long enough to copulate through a fence. That dog is never still, not even when sleeping. And she’s not smart enough to perform such and intricate maneuver, no matter how amorous she is feeling. Also nix the sneaky neighbor letting their dog into my fence for a brief tryst. One has to be very quick to avert an escape by our Jack Russell once the gate is open. As soon as the gate moves from 180 degrees with the fence, her nose pushes through the widening gap. It took me a few times to master the art of crossing the threshold of the gate without an escaped dog. And once she’s loose, she returns when she is damn well ready. None of my neighbors are that patient. Besides, they don’t have male dogs.
So if we apply Occam’s Razor to this dilemma that leaves the ninja dog hypothesis as being the simplest and most likely scenario. Somewhere in our extended neighborhood there is a dog that roams in a most furtive manner. He possesses exceptional speed, agility, and intelligence. Since 80% of the puppies are jet black with very few markings, this solidifies my opinion.
He is also in complete control of his reproductive processes. If you were a male dog and you wanted to procreate but you were intelligent enough to know that in less than a year any male puppies born in this area would be in direct competition for romantic encounters, what would you do? Ensure that all of the puppies would be female? Bingo. He did. They are all female. All TEN of them. What are the odds of all of them being female? One in 1,023. I don’t believe in luck.
The puppies were born during the evening of November 11 into the morning of November 12. I cannot remember which puppies were born on which day, so if you are a sentimental type who wants to celebrate your dog’s birthday then you need to look elsewhere or just lie to yourself (and your dog) and pick one day.
Do you realize how expensive it is to get TEN puppies shots and de-wormed? I found out. Do you have any idea how expensive it is to feed TEN four footed land piranhas? I do. For that reason, I am giving these puppies away for FREE. That’s right, they are 100% totally free with no silly ‘rehoming fee’ (rehoming isn’t even a legitimate word because it has that red squiggly line underneath it). BUT, and this is a BIG BUT: They have to go to a good home. You have to demonstrate to me that they will be taken care of and that you aren’t taking them to some government laboratory for nefarious experiments nor are you going to tie them to a dog house and throw some table scraps at them every now and then. Besides, if my hypothesis is correct and they are half ninja, they just might grow up and decide to exact revenge on your *$%#@. (I might have just saved your life.)