I do my best not to say stupid things like:
You’re so tall!
You’re so short!
You’re so thin!
And the thing is, nice people will never say You’re so fat! But they will say You’re so thin! You never eat!
The other one I hate is
You’re so young! Just a baby!
I want to say
You’re so fucking old! Like you’re almost dead!
Thankfully as I reach middle age I don’t get this as much anymore.
My sister was very thin all through high school, naturally. She wasn’t much into sports, she was just that way. Ate like a horse. She’s probably lucky in that she didn’t seem to have people (except other stupid high schoolers) comment on her weight much. However, my mom did have a few people quietly pull her aside and ask about my sister’s weight. Instead of being offended, my mom took the other path - she appreciated that people cared and were concerned enough to ask. (Probably that stems from the method they used to ask; they were generally very polite and non-confrontational, and certainly didn’t confront my sister directly.) Mom was able to laugh about it and tell them, “You should see her at home!” which generally got a smile and totally defused the situation.
Just another anecdote.
Zombie or no…
I lost 40 pounds by, literally, working my ass off. One day, I walked into a co-worker’s office to ask a business-related question and she immediately called me a “skinny bitch.” She knew damn well I’d been working at it and it wasn’t some effortless “I eat whatever I want and just burn it off with my superhuman metabolism.”
I just blinked at her, wondering why it’s acceptable to call me a skinny bitch, but knowing how quick everyone would lose their damn minds if I called her a fat, overstuffed cow. It was on the top of my skinny little tongue.
I just think it’s really tacky and rude to be commenting on someone’s appearance. Over the 4th of July holiday, I was looking at a friend who has recovered from her eating disorder and I noticed that her shirt was a bit tight across the belly. Knowing that she and her husband were trying for Kid #2, I wanted to ask if they’d been successful planting a bun in her oven, but on the off-chance she wasn’t pregnant, I knew I’d trigger a host of body-image issues if I said something. So I kept my damn mouth shut. An hour later, over dinner, she announced that she was, indeed, pregnant with #2.
Anyway, depending on the situation, I look a person in the eye and say, “Yep, I’m so skinny, I rattle when you fuck me!”
I’ve said it lots of times, though being me, I did it more poetically.
What’s most horrible about the “you look anorexic” thing to me is that Anorexia nervosa is the most fatal mental illness.
When someone makes a comment like this in a breezy manner (without showing any real concern), they’re making light of a serious and potentially fatal illness in addition to commenting on your appearance without being solicited to do so.
Weight can be affected by many factors, many of which are deeply personal. HIV/AIDS and cancer can cause rapid weight loss. Many commonly prescribed psychiatric medications can cause weight gain.
I think it’s fair to respond with “actually, I have (AIDS, cancer, etc.),” “yes I have anorexia and my family is going bankrupt because insurance coverage for eating disorders is very poor, and my chances of dying are very high,” or to explain to them why what they’re doing is inappropriate.
As far as overweight vs. underweight people “suffering more,” it seems pointless and impossible to create hierarchies of pain at the hands of insensitive a–holes. It’s not right to criticize anyone’s body.
Finally–I think it’s not common for people to use the word “anorexic” to mean thin. This is both inaccurate and a mental health stigma issue. If someone is experiencing normal sadness, they shouldn’t claim to be “depressed,” and if someone is experiencing normal upset, they shouldn’t call it a “panic attack” and so forth. Mental health stigma must end. It stops people from getting help.
I can’t even imagine why someone would get annoyed by that, unless it somehow was a dig at their authority or expertise or something. Seriously, it’s like people are looking for things to be offended by. When I was in my 20s, I was often told I was “just a baby.” That was perfectly fine with me.
Because it usually is a dig.
“You’re so young!” subtext: You’ve hardly been around, youngster.