I have nice tools and pieces of equiptment, that I like and use and take care of. They are very expensive. Generally I don’t mind sharing them with responsible individuals.
Unfortunately for you, my dear aunt in law. You do not fall into that category.
Two years ago you borrowed my 3200 psi gas powered pressure washer to wash your deck, and told me that it was broken. It was dirty, out of gas, and missing a $50 rotating high pressure head.
Even worse, you had broken the pump because you did not follow the simple directions I gave you.
- Attach hose
- Turn hose on
- Squeeze trigger until water comes out
- Start engine
- powerwash
I know that you didn’t follow the directions because just about the only thing that will kill the pump is if you run it with air in it. In spite of my warnings, and the warnings all over the washer itself, you didn’t bother to squeeze the trigger before starting the motor to get the air out.
I know you lied when you said you did follow the directions because I took the pump off myself and opened it up, and sure enough it was scorched.
So I bought a new pump for it and installed it, and a new rotating power head, and I cleaned it up and changed the oil, and put in new gas and I was happy to have my power washer back again even though it cost me about 3 hours of my time and almost $200 to set it right.
I have also been unhappy over the years when you would ask my wife if you could borrow tools.
Particularly you seem attracted to my portable tool kit which has hammers, screw drivers, sockets, saws, calipers, wrenches, pliers, assorted fasteners etc.
When you borrowed it and left it open out in the rain, it didn’t help my tools. Also, the toolbox closed when you took it. The reason it won’t close now is because you’ve just thrown the tools back in in random fashion.
Putting all my sockets back in order, brushing the rust off tools, reoiling them, cleaning out all the dirt, and having to reorganize my toolbox each time you borrow it is no fun.
Nor do I enjoy that blank spot in my socket set where the 5/8 used to be. And, I do know that there used to be wire cutters in that toolbox.
It’s my toolbox. I purposefully have it loaded for a variety of jobs. I know what’s in it. Don’t tell me there wasn’t any wire cutters in there. Doubtless they’re rusting in your backyard now.
I know your husband thinks he knows what he’s doing, but when you take my air compressor, and my impact hammer, and your husband uses them with my standard sockets instead of the impact sockets, and they crack, guess who I blame.
Then there was my lawnmower you broke, by pulling the starter cord without puttin your foot on it. You cracked the deck and now it’s garbage.
My air compressor also requires oil to be added to it for lubrication. Your husband’s failure to do so has no doubt lowered its life expectancy.
But, we moved, and the one big consolation is that you are now far enough away that you can no longer stop by easily to borrow my stuff.
The other consolation is that my new house has its own workshop with a padlocked door in which I now keep all my tools and equiptment.
Now, I would never have put up with all this, but you seem to time your visits when I am not home.
This time you called me at work asking for the combination.
“What do you need?” I asked.
“I want to borrow your power washer to do my deck again.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t feel comfortable lending out my tools anymore. I’ve had too many problems with them being broken, lost or not returned.”
“I’ll bring it back tonight.”
“I’m sorry. No.”
Doubtless you are now badmouthing me to the rest of my wife’s relatives who already hate me enough as it is.
The worst is when I lose the support of my wife. “It’s not worth all the trouble just let her borrow it.”
But, they are my tools. I like them. I want to preserve them, and have them when I need them. I do not have to lend them out to irresponsible people, and I won’t be blackmailed into doing so.
So, my dear aunt in law. I hate you. You fuck up my tools, and think you are entitled to use them simply because I married your sisters daughter.
I also hate you because you’re son could have been a fine person if you weren’t an alcoholic. Now he is squat, with pinched features, birth defects in his feet and palate, stomach problems, and borderline retarded. I can see the boy that would be there if it weren’t for his fetal alcohol syndrome.
I hate you because you guilt my wife into giving you things, like the leftovers that I was going to eat (because you don’t like to spend money on food,) or clothes and furniture I still like and am using.
There is a reason why we are doing well and you and your husband are not, and trust me, it has nothing to do with luck.
I hate you because you mispronounce words ridiculously:
“Aruminum” for aluminum. “Twaiwer” for trailer. “Terlet” for toilet.
I hate the boozy rolls of fat that hang over your stretch pants. I hate your lank unwashed hair, droop eyes, and vacuous expression.
I hate the fact that it is only now that you are capable of the dull understanding that I really don’t like you at all, and that you are too stupid to hide what a worthless contemptible piece of garbage you are.
I know.
For all these reasons and more you cannot borrow my power washer.
I really want to tell you the truth as to why, but I suspect you know in your heart and that will have to do.
There is a certain familial responsibility to being married but IMHO it does not extend past your wife’s parents and to a lesser degree, siblings. Anyone else is just an inherited parasite. I certainly agree that you should cut people off if they abuse the priviledge. She may bad mouth you but so what. You wife’s family will soon get the idea that you will stand up for yourself and they can’t abuse any generosity that you choose to extend to them just because you are married to someone that shares a few genes with them.
