On roller skates (on roller skates)
'Cause you’ll roll right past ('cause you’ll roll right past)
Those pearly gates (those pearly gates)
No you can’t get to heaven on roller skates 'cause you’ll roll right past those pearly gates I ain’t gonna grieve…my Lord no more!
So how else can’t you get to heaven? I know a few other ways, but I’d be interested to hear what y’all got.
I understand that people in handbaskets don’t go to heaven.
In heaven, there is no beer. That’s why we drink it here.
I’ve already been to heaven.
After 5 minutes I said “Let’s go!”
“And when we’re gone from here, our friends will be drinking all the beer!”
My (former) youth group used to be fond of that song with the lines:
Can’t get to heaven in a mini-skirt (boys up there don’t wanna flirt)…
Can’t get to heaven in a dirty, old bus (all the Lord would do is fuss)…
Can’t get to heaven in a limousine (God don’t have no [sic] gasoline)…
Can’t get to heaven in my pastor’s car (My pastor’s car don’t go that far)…
Can’t get to heaven in a taco shell (God don’t have no [sic] Taco Bell)…
Can’t get to heaven in a tissue box (God don’t want no [sic] little snots)…
They used the roller skates one, too.
Dang, I’m only familiar with one of those! Well, two: it was motor car, not pastor’s car.
Also, in a rocking chair (the Lord don’t want no lazybones there).
You won’t get to heaven if you break my heart! So be very careful…
If you wanna get to heaven you gotta raise a little hell.
"Well, I’ve never been to heaven, but I’ve been to Oklahoma…"
Wait a minute. No, I haven’t. Oklahoma is one of the three states I’ve never been to.
Never mind.
For Philadelphians:
You can’t get to heaven on the Frankford el
Cause the Frankford el goes straight to …
Can’t get there on a Highway -
What’s all this Knock Knock Knockin?
oh, you can get to heaven in a rocking chair. that chair will rock (et) you right up there!
You can’t get to heaven on rollerskates, you can’t rollerskate in a buffalo herd…What good are rollerskates then?
*“Is this heaven?”
“No, it’s Iowa.”*
C’mon, you know what movie that’s from!
Oh you can’t get to Heaven
In Rilchiam’s shoes
'Cause the Lord don’t allow
No big canoes!
I learned that one as “A rocking chair don’t go nowhere!”
I swear there ain’t no heaven,
But I pray there ain’t no hell