I’d hide the toilet paper and pleasantly remind them in the morning:
“Oh, just so you know, we’re out of toilet paper.”
And another phrase for the lexicon.
“These towels are for guests, right?”
I feel for you man. I get 5 minutes of warning most of the time, and that’s often cutting it very, very close. I’ve had to pull the car over for a McShit more than once, and on long car trips I just hope and hope.
Sometimes I don’t crap every day. Sometimes I get more than one five minute warning in a day. When I get that warning, I have to go now. You don’t want to know what it was like when I worked for PennDoT and would have to be outside on some isolated rural state road with no bathroom for five miles, but I will say that my truck had TP and I had impeccable balance.
S’all good. I’m pretty sure the OP is still ahead of you by a considerable distance.
I mean, hello? “Stick-ups?” Lysol? Glade? Renuzit? BLEACH? At least he didn’t shit on the couch.
I’m just stunned that this is even an issue for you.
DH is a residential carpenter and in addition to new construction, does a fair amount of remodeling work. I don’t think he’s ever come across a nut case homeowner like you and if he had, he’d be packing his tools up and leaving your job in the exact state it was in when you threw your shit fit (no pun intended - okay well, maybe it is).
Real world honey - this is the real world. Try to join us sometime mmmkay? And on your journey to join us (I’m sure it will be a long one) will you stop and pick up some TP and a can of Glade? Thanks - you’re a doll.
And these bowels are for pests.
You’ll probably need a mirror, Cookie, but I’m pretty sure if you check just south of your taint you’re gonna find an asshole. Just like everyone else’s. Shit comes out of it, too, just like everyone else’s. And unless yours shits vanilla ice cream, guess what: Sierra Tango Foxtrot Uniform.
At least he asked & used the facilities–after our roofers were gone, we found a lovely little “present” up on the roof behind the chimney. A little odor & a messy bathroom is a heck of a lot easier to clean up than poop on the roof!
If there’s one thing I learned in my year as a Muslim, it’s that toilet paper isn’t necessary as long as you have a little jug of water and a place to wash your hands afterwards.
Wow.
You’re mad because someone shit in your toilet. Someone who was already in your house with your permission, mind you; not some yahoo off the street.
Amazing.
*Up on the rooftop workmen pause
And reveal their most glaring flaws
“Behind” the chimney they drop a load
Long Raisinettes big as a toad
Chorus
Ho, ho, ho!
Who wouldn’t blow?
Ho, ho, ho!
Shitting for show!
Up on the rooftop
We must Pit
Workmen that cover
Your shingles with shit*
It sure is nice to hear from Lieu when these big questions come up. 
Maybe the guy had a touch of intestional flu or food poisoning and went to work anyway because he needed the money or because he didn’t want to inconvenience you by rescheduling.
When the bugs are multiplying in my gastrointestional system, I’m lucky to get a minute’s notice, and it may be 15 minutes before I feel confident enough that it’s over for the time being to get off the pot and move on.
I suggest a can of air freshener prominently displayed in the bathroom and maybe even a bottle of Imodium set out in plain sight if the guy is making repeated visits.
Although I would not forbid a workman from using my bathroom, I would, if it was obvious that someone had done a real nasty, promptly change all the towels and then wash my hands thoroughly. We all have our level of yuck-tolerance.
I was going to post some witty remark, but I didn’t want anyone accusing me of coming in here just to shit in this thread.
I have to wonder if the OP expected a chorus of approval.
Instead, she encountered a movement.
Will you adopt me?
I was just surfing along, reading this shitty little thread, and then I saw lieu’s ** name come up. ** Lieu, shit thread, lieu, thread about shit. Well, I thought, I better get on the floor now, so that I don’t hurt myself when I collapse from the inevitable paroxysms of laughter.
I made the right call. ROTFLMAO!
Um, have you checked in the tank behind the toilet bowl? Maybe he really didn’t like you.
Oh my God another harbinger of the downfall of civilization. A perfect exemplar of the generation of swine. And I’m not talking about the stinky shitter, bless him.
Obviously your parents taught you shit…squat…crap…wait…(stop taunting me) anyway it’s basic MANNERS! HOSPITALITY fucking 101!
Since you know nothing I’ll tell you. If you have workers in your home for any serious length of time you treat them like guests, and even at some point offer them something to drink, maybe a snack, whatever. You without question provide facilities for the inevitable necessities. If they’re courteous they’ll ask (just like any guest) but that should be understood by both sides to be just a formality. If you say no you deserve a smiting by God just like the inhospitable sodomites.
If they happen to funk up your bathroom you get out your air freshener and smile to yourself, remembering: Life is the stink. The stink is life.