Sometimes people get cancer, pummel it into remission, and they die much later of something entirely unrelated. My grandfather was one – was told he had a 15% chance of surviving 5 years when diagnosed with multiple myeloma in his mid-70s, and died at 87, more than 10 years later of something (not cancer) entirely unrelated. (And not the brain surgery for the burst blood vessel, either.
He was a tough cookie – I miss him.
So sorry Motorgirl and Woeg. Sending you good thoughts.
This reminds me of a piece I heard last year on NPR (link) about the inescapable pink during October (Breast Cancer Awareness Month).
They interviewed author Barbara Ehrenreich and she said something that blew my mind at the time, simply because she was brave enough to say it:
“The fact that I am alive and another woman is now dead doesn’t mean I’m a better person,” she says. “I didn’t battle the disease more bravely — I’m lucky.”
Incidentally I just noticed that September is supposed to be Childhood Cancer Awareness Month.
Damn 
3 deaths in 5 years, that’s awful, Motorgirl I’m so sorry
It is a form of blaming the victim and I agree completely. Some cancers are completely destroyed, however. A woman in my suburb was diagnosed with bone cancer more than 40 years ago. She is still alive and kicking–but with only one leg. But I am afraid that once cancer metastacizes, it is very unlikely to go away completely. But look, I had an uncle who lost a kidney to cancer in 1963. He had 23 good years in which his children grew up, had children of their own and he had a fine career as a research biochemist. It came back in 1986 and he died three years later. Had they not removed the kidney, I assume he would have died far earlier. We will all die and there is a real point to getting as much good living as possible.
It just depends from case to case. My great aunt did everything wrong. She ignored a lump until one side of the boob cratered in. Doc rushed her in for a mastectomy. She didn’t have chemo and lived another 20 years. Basically dying of old age.
On the other hand, Ovarian cancer killed my cousin very quickly. They caught it early. She had the surgery and chemo. Had one good year afterward and returned to work for a few months. Developed C Diff and was in and out of the hospital for a year. Then died from more cancer.
You really can’t pinpoint why. It’s just how cancer works sometimes. It’s one of the worst of all diseases.
I also see where the OP is coming from. I’ve often thought that when someone is diagnosed with cancer…well, you know what you’re going to die from, eventually.
It’s a wonderful thing that in some cases there are complete and total cures. Many, many others aren’t so lucky. And luck has a lot to do with it. We often hear that “cancer is no longer a death sentence”…well, it depends. For some kinds it isn’t; for some kinds it most certainly is.
Cancer sucks.
Not true, though. Some cancers are extremely treatable now and if they get it early and you have a few years without major problems, it’s likely to never bother you again. (Or if you are older and have prostate cancer, it may never be a problem for you at all.) And other types we hardly have a clue. It sucks.
I’ve heard horrible things about exzema and psoriasis as well.
Classy. :rolleyes:
Never claimed to be.
This is borderline being a jerk, Kayaker. If you don’t have an opinion or wish to talk about the topic at hand, don’t post. Don’t make posts like this, however, which is pretty much “threadshitting”.
My apologies if my post w considered threadshitting. Honestly, having known and dealt with a spectrum of disease, I really meant to highlight the inane post I was responding to. Sorry.
On the point is that even if a cancer is completely eliminated from the body (note that in most cases this doesn’t happen; “remission” simply means that the cancer is undetectable, but that it will likely come back in a much more ferocious form later, because you’ve just killed off all the nicer types of cancer cells) via chemo or radiation, most chemo and radiation doses are themselves very carcinogenic over the long term. It many cases it is nearly certain that even though you are “cured”, the chemo or radiation will generally cause an untreatable cancer 20 years down the line. This is what happened to my dad, who died two years ago (having been “cured” of lymphoma 20 years ago). My mom died of a brain tumor just last year, so to OP: I know that feel bro. Hitchens wrote a wonderful article about how idiotic the phrase “battle with cancer” is, for Vanity Fair (can’t find the article unfortunately). It is ironic that if you search his death nearly every article says he “lost his battle with cancer”…
I hate the “fight” and “battle” as well.
About three years ago I lost a friend to breast cancer. She was diagnosed at Stage IV so she knew her chances of living much longer than a year or two were slim. She got treatment to extend her life and prepare for death - not to cure cancer. And she used her time well. By the time she knew the end was near, her and her husband were as ready as anyone can be. She had her memorial about three weeks before she passed - getting a chance to say goodbye to her friends and share and celebrate her life.
My brother in law died early this summer. He also had two years - and he “fought bravely” to the end. But he didn’t spend much time preparing to die, since he was going to beat it. So no will, no calling friends from out of town to say “it won’t be long - I’d rather see you here now than not see you at the funeral.”
If you battle cancer, an acceptable end result should be an honorable and negotiated surrender - one in which you have made peace.
Did you think that no one reading this had ever survived it? Because I’m looking at the newborn who appeared after I fought two rounds with thyroid cancer, and I consider that a win. In fact, I fully expect to see her graduate, marry, and maybe even cure a disease or two, and I don’t really need any reminders from friends or strangers that I might leave her motherless if I lose the next round.
Let me just say that cancer is just one of a number of chronic illnesses that if you have one of them will likely kill you. My mother started suffering from Parkinson’s when she was about 70. A few years later, she was diagnosed with colon cancer, which they excised. The surgeon told her that she would not die of cancer. He was right. She died from the Parkinson’s a few years later.
My father-in-law was diagnosed with ALS and died two years later. My father had a heart attack when he was 43 and died of another heart attack just 20 years later. My mother-in-law had breast cancer when she was around 60, went through surgery and radiation therapy and died about five years later from the cancer.
The current issue of Scientific America has a chart (pp. 56-57) showing what Americans are dying from, over the time period 1970-2008. Currently, heart disease is in first place, but not by much, over cancer. But in 1970, you would have been about three times as likely to die from heart disease. Third and fourth place are a near tie between respiratory diseases and accidents and other injuries.
My doctor (whose practice is largely geriatric since he has not taken new patients in about 20 years) tells me that fewer and fewer of his patients are dying of heart disease and cancer has, for him, become the number one cause. His explanation is that two big factors are at work. First almost none of his patients smoke any more and second, he is an aggressive prescriber of statins.
Never thought that I beat cancer, just that I was sick and with good medical care I am now well. Same as any other disease. If I die of anything else, don’t see how that is loosing to cancer.
Well, if he had a family, naturally, he should have had a will. Cancer or no. The rest of what I quoted though, I disagree with. It is his choice to ‘prepare to die’ or not. His one life is his own, and it becomes all too real, I can imagine, when you are staring cancer in the eye. If there is ever a time that I think I will do things MY way and look at things MY way, that would be the time. If he wants to perceive himself as fighting bravely, I sure wouldn’t be the one to scare quote him on that. And if he doesn’t want to call his friends to say goodbye, then that’s his right…he doesn’t owe them anything, and when he is gone, I don’t think he will be in a position to regret not saying goodbye to his friends.
Overall, though, I am not the type who would say I’m battling a disease. I realize that those who die from cancer aren’t generally less brave than those who survive it for many years after being diagnosed.
Of course it was his choice. I prefer her method to his, as she had the opportunity to say goodbye and was at peace with the idea, rather than his…but his choice.
What I’m complaining about is the message - she stopped “battling cancer” - she came to terms with death and had a very peaceful passing. She should not be judged for that any more than he is praised.