Tis the season to be Merry.
That’s my name.
No shit.
He’s shittin’ bricks.
You really shouldn’t say that.
Sorry: shittin’ rocks.
The thing I love most about that scene (aside from the epic rant itself, of course) is Ellen’s reaction as he’s looking at his “bonus.” At first she’s all smiley asking if the bonus was bigger than he expected. Then she quietly asks if it’s smaller. When he finally reveals that it’s a jelly-of-the-month club membership, the look of dread that comes over her face is priceless. She knows that Clark is about to lose it, and that it ain’t gonna be pretty.
Hey Grizz, Bethany and I figured out the perfect gift for you.
Aw, you didn’t have to get me anything.
Dammit, Bethany, he guessed it.
I simply solved the problem. We needed a coffin… Er, a tree. There are no lots open on Christmas Eve. Lewis burned down my tree so I replaced it as best I could. Voilà.
Griswold, what’re you gonna do with a tree that size?
Bend over and I’ll show ya…
(with his wife standing next to him) You can’t talk to me that way.
I wasn’t talking to you…
Eddie. Eddie? EDDIE?!?!
Save the neck for me, Clark.
Aunt Bethany, does your cat like jello?
Oh, the silent majesty of a winter’s morn… the clean, cool chill of the holiday air… and an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer…
Ah, yeah. You checked our shitters, honey?
Oh my god, I say this all the time…
Joe
I don’t know about the cat, but I sure am enjoying it.
“Play ball!”
Eddie - “So at the VA, they removed the plate and replace it with plastic, SO I really dont think I should be riding down that hil with nothing between my brain and the great outdoors but a piece of government plastic”
Clarke - “Do you really think it matters”
We need to check every bulb. Oop-- little knot here, you can work on that.
I have to sleep with your father. Don’t be so dramatic!
Hey kids, I heard on the radio that an airline pilot spotted Santa’s sleigh on its way in from New York City.
You serious, Clark?
Merry Christmas, merry Christmas, merry Christmas, merry Christmas, kiss my ass, kiss his ass, kiss your ass, happy Hanukkah.
Not to interrupt this fun, old-fashioned family [del]Christmas[/del] quote-fest, but I was always annoyed when Clark was putting up his lights, because he staples them directly to the shingles!!!
Do you have any idea how much his roof will leak?! Hell, due to the cold, several of the shingles would have shattered from those staples going in…that’s going to be like $20,000 to replace all of them!
That there’s an RV. I borrowed it from a buddy of mine. He took my house. It’s a nice looking vehicle, right?
Yes. And it looks so nice sitting in my driveway.
Don’t you go fallin’ in love with it. We’re takin’ it with us when we leave here next month.
[gag]
Clark I want you to get yourself something chick chick real niiice. (adjusts crotch)