I couldn’t be more surprised if I woke up in the morning with my hair sewn to the carpet.
She falls down a well, her eyes go cross. She gets kicked by a mule. They go back. I don’t know.
I don’t know if I oughta go sailin’ down no hill with nothin’ between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic.
Do you really think it matters, Eddie?
Shitter’s full!
Here’s the heart!
Clark, that’s the gift that keeps on giving the whole year 'round.
That it is, Edward. That it is indeed. 
I’m different from other people: pain hurts me.
Is it normal if I dont understand even one post in this thread?
I don’t know what to say, except it’s Christmas and we’re all in misery.
Where do you think you’re going to put a tree that big, Griswold?
Bend over and I’ll show ya.
We’re gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye!
And, when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!
Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkeyshit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where’s the Tylenol?
That lame-brain freeway idea could only be cooked up by a toon.
d&r
Ah, yeah. Have you checked our shitters, honey?
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.
Grace? She died thirty years ago!
Is Rusty still in the Navy?
Aunt Bethany, does your cat by any chance eat jello?