Due to the carelessness of a certain Doper (I don’t want to name names, but her screen name has two syllables, “jay” and"rey"), 78% of the Rhymer Enterprises comfortbot inventory has been irreparably damaged due to somebody trying to hack into the programming to get them to add rap to their musical repertoire. Ordinarily I would punish such impudence with a flaming bee attack, but as **jayrey’s **a chick she is protected by Rule 7. I have been forced to punish her via proxy. The merciless spanking Shia LaBeouf will be receiving later this afternoon is entirely her fault.
But that is not the point of this thread. The point of this thread is that, since I have to replenish the comfortbot stock anyway, I have decided to open the floor for suggestions as to what famous persons we shall use as the templates.
Now bear in mind we’re not talking about hookerbots. Comfortbots don’t have sex with you; they supply comfort and succor to the weary, wounded, bereaved, and heartbroken. That means they’ll bring you breakfast in bed, massage away your aches, sing lullabies to help you fall asleep, decapitate your enemies as needed–things like that. Each model is based on a real person from whom it is visually, aurally, olfactorialy, and tactilely indistinguishable.
The blank units are halfway constructed and will be ready for holomatrix imprinting tomorrow morning. All I need from you people is suggestions as to who should supply the template Want Gwyneth Paltrow to provide shiatsu massage? Taye Diggs to make you omelets? This is your chance to persuade me to make it happen.
Totally Harrison Ford. I am just young enough that while I know Ford is good looking, he’s always been more fatherly to me. I believe I have mentioned me and my dad never had a great relationship, and my real dad never even met me, so I look to fiction for my father figures. I would love to have Ford as a father, especially the father of Air Force One.
He can sing lullabies, make omelets, listen to me and I can speak to him in English and really tell him the things going on in my life and make him understand. My dad speaks terrible English and while I speak above average Hindi I still don’t speak it enough. And he can tell me he’s happy to have me as a daughter no matter what, a phrase I have literally never heard addressed to me.
Part of the “dad” job definition is “inclined to beat the crap out of anyone who even mildly distresses his daughter.” I can kinda see Ford being that way. Certainly when playing Indiana
Comfortbot, not hookerbot. Comfortbot, not hookerbot. OK, got it.
I guess I’ll go with Judi Dench. A great voice, a kindly manner and a motherly presence (unless she’s playing against type, of course) that would be comforting indeed, I would think.
Sheesh. All a girl wants is to hear a little OutKast and everybody gets their knickers in a knot!
Then again, who is more deserving of a nasty spanking than Shia? So some good came out of all this after all. Y’all can thank me later. :rolleyes:
I’d like a Colin Firth comfortbot please. He’d look so cute in a apron, making me a yummy spinach and swiss cheese omelet and baking a pound cake,since I didn’t get one delivered to me while incarcerated at Venetian yesterday. :dubious:
Erk, I forgot about him because thinking about him makes my skin crawl. If I screw up some more programming, will Bieber get a beating - I mean, a spanking, too?
The *Love Actually * model of Colin Firth comfortbot would be delish, thanks!
If you can make one from a deceased person; I would like to nominate Colleen Dewhurst in her Marilla Cuthbert character and Richard Farnsworth in his Matthew Cuthbert character from Anne of Green Gables.