Non-Apology Apologies and why they don't help a goddamn thing

I think the whole point is that it isn’t a real apology. You say it like that when you don’t think you did anything wrong, and the other person misunderstood.

Please, please tell me you aren’t serious.

I fail to see the point of this entire pitting.

I have nothing in particular to say about CK’s behavior or attitude, as I couldn’t be bothered to wade through the threads in question, but I did want to address this. Maybe you are NOT a moron, but it’s a bit much to expect the mods to know who, out of thousands of people on these boards, are morons and who are not. Besides, you’re not the only person reading your threads. The policies are geared toward the lowest common denominator so as to cover their asses. Welcome to the modern world.

Actually, you should be a little clearer. Are you saying CK wasn’t nasty enough to you since you thought his apology wasn’t sincere?
Myself, my supper was a bit overcooked and I expect an apology from CK.

“I’m sorry that my meaning wasn’t clear”

= I acknowledge my meaning wasn’t clear, and apologize.

“I’m sorry if my meaning wasn’t clear”

= My meaning was clear. If you somehow didn’t manage to find my meaning clear, then sorry you weren’t capable of reading my meaning. Even though my meaning was clear.

Well, MinniePurl, would you have preferred an apology like Dex made almost exactly five years ago. (Note that because of board upgrades, the order of some posts and some names may have been scrambled.)

Yes, exactly.

I think you’re lucky he apologized to you at all–I know I wouldn’t have.

CK expressed an opinion that seeking medical advice on a message board is asinine. You perceive an insult where, frankly, it was a stretch to find one. He offers a nice apology along with clarification, and you get all in a snit about it. If anything you owe him an apology.

Toughen up that skin a bit.

[totally sincere expression I bought at the Goodwill]

I’m sorry you feel that way.

[/totally sincere expression I bought at the Goodwill]

That seems to be the key here. I doubt this thread would exist if Dex hadn’t tried to apologize.

What if he had said, “I understand that you’re offended by my conduct, but I still say I did nothing wrong.”? Not really an apology either, but perfectly acceptable according to Mr. Dobrian.

It’s not meant to be an apology. And it would have been fine, actually. It would have indicated to me that he truly intended no insult.

When someone gives a non-apology apology (hint: probably includes the word “if”, or “you perceive” or “you misunderstood”) it means they did intend the insult, but they aren’t going to admit it. They think it was perfectly okay to insult you and resent that you called them on it.

Maybe, but her whiney overreaction, to wit:

was uncalled for.

A lot (most?) people don’t know about Mr. Dobrian’s assertion that a poorly–in his opinion–worded apology is considered offensive by some.

Okay, let’s go through this one more time:

Non-Apology Apology= NOT AN APOLOGY

Non-Apology Apology= “I won’t admit any wrongdoing, but I think you are stupid enough that if I make it sound like I’m apologizing, you’ll think I actually am.”

Non-Apology Apology=Thinkly veiled expression of contempt to the person you are “apologizing” to.

“I understand you are upset, but I won’t apologize because I didn’t do anything wrong.”=“I’m being respectful of you, but I didn’t intend to insult you, and I’m truly baffled as to why you and these other people think that I did.”

And I really don’t see why I should have to “Toughen up” in this particular case. It wasn’t another member responding to me in the Pit. It wasn’t a board offical responding to me being difficult and hostile. It was me, a paying member, asking a question in a polite manner, in the proper forum, and getting a scornful, insulting reply. When are the mods and admins going to learn to treat us like paying members?

So, what you are saying is that most people don’t really understand English? Sadly, that’s probably true. I don’t see any reason we should encourage that in this board, however.

At this point, an awful lot of people are rooting for him to remove the veil. Just FYI.

If you honestly think his initial reply was scornful and insulting, you need to toughen your skin up more than just a bit.

No, it means they might have intended the insult. The example in your link obviously did mean to imply the insult but that is not always the case.

You’re psychotic.

CK Dexter Haven’s original post to you in that thread was neither scornful nor insulting, you blithering, whiney, half-witted, miserable excuse for a functional human being.

There. That was scornful and insulting. Now go back and re-read what Dex originally said to you, and then take a look at what I just wrote. Compare, contrast, and fuck off.

So, you, as a board offical, are saying that the contempt was intended? For asking a polite question?

What, they *DON’T KNOW * if they intended the insult or not? Please. If they intended the insult, then they should have the balls to say so. If they didn’t, they didn’t do anything wrong and they should say so. “Might have” is just being weaselly.