Nonbelievers: if you HAD to give lip service to one religion, what would you choose?

Why not just be a UU? One-hour services once a week, sermons that largely consist of “Hey, if you guys could not be assholes this week, that would be cool,” and tons of coffee.

How about Budism?

Or Budism?

Or Budism?

Irish Coffee? Then maybe I’d think about it. And the service can’t be too early in the morning.

What they don’t tell you is, you can be an asshole, and they still have to give you coffee. It’s the law.

Yep, UU is the way to go. They already have a jihad prepped.

Somehow I thought you’d be a Bacchist.

I got a wild hair across my ass a few years ago about Buddhism. Not that I was getting ready to move to Tibet, or anything, but I did my fair share of reading on the subject. It occurred to me as I was reading that a great many tenets (at least the big general ones) of Buddhism were right in my wheelhouse from the get-go. I like the idea that it’s all inside you. And YOU must enlighten yourself. Etc.

I dug that, from what I read, I wouldn’t have been instructed to look anywhere else but in myself for salvation.
With all that being said, I guess I would have to say that, were I forced to accept any one of the world’s varied religion, I would go with …

… Scientology. I’ve always wanted to be OT VII.

Reform Judaism.

Hard to find a local temple. Besides, at my age it gets difficult to handle the nymphs.

The preferred term is Pastafarian. Philistine. :mad:

Since I’ve already had the indoctrination I’d select christianity. Easy to fake. Plus I could be all sanctimonious without having to do anything. Like the rest.

I’ve always kind of liked the Bahais. They allow for more than one prophet, which appeals to me as I could never worship a God that sent one messenger or son or prophet, once, to one tiny group of people and ignored the rest of humanity. Plus, they have that cool temple in Wilmette.

If I had the tiniest shred of faith in a divine power, I’d be a Reform Jew. So I think that’ll be my answer.

Buddhist would probably come second.

Neopagan for third, or maybe Vodou.

Hinduism, definately. The actual beliefs aren’t really my cup o’ tea (although there IS a lot of interesting and potentially profound stuff there), but I love the wild imagry, and all of the exotic gods and goddesses, and the color and the energy.

I’m not giving up everything in life just for coffee. Damn their intolerance!

Who says I didn’t? Naked dancing hippie chicks will form a most effective diversion for my eventual overthrowing Middlin McEvil. If it takes me a decade or so to train up my super elite harem of freedom fighters, that’s just a sacrifice I’ll have to make for the cause…

My first preference would be Quaker, because the local meeting is of the ‘show up, sit quietly and think for a bit, shake hands with people, have some coffee and donuts, go about your business’ type. If I need to do organized religion, I want to do the one where no one talks. (And if I were a theist, I’d be pretty on-board with the core beliefs of Quakerism.)

If I must participate in an organized religion where I need to listen to other people speak, it would be Unitarian Universalism. As far as I can tell their core belief is that everyone is on their own individual quest for the ‘right’ core beliefs, which I bet means you’re pretty unlikely to get lectured at.

(Upon rereading I’m afraid that my comments could be construed as saying that neither of the above religions are ‘real’ religions, which is in no way my intent. I just think that they’re the least ‘one-size-fits-all’ of mainstream organized religions, and I’m a fan of acknowledging that one size does not fit all.)

Put me down as a Taoist, please.

It’s basically a philosophy, even less religion-y than Buddhism. The bonus is that I honestly believe that the Tao Te Ching is one of the wisest things ever written, so being forced to pay more attention to it would actually be a good thing.

My college roommate says that, to be a good Catholic, you only have to attend mass once a year. And, as far as I know, no one has even been excommunicated in a long time, let alone stoned. Lots of Catholics disagree with some parts of the doctrine, and do what they want and confess later. And if you are inclined to “sin” a lot, I could see it being kinda fun, as it would just be bragging that no one could even legally use against you.

Eh, well, other than the prohibitions on booze, gambling and premarital/gay sex ( what? you can’t have any fun? ), Baha’i seems better than many.

Bingo. Quakers are pretty chill, as these things go. Reform Judaism wouldn’t be bad either; let’s face it, Judaism in the USA is at least half cultural, rather than religious. I live with a near-atheist Jew who still won’t touch pork, shellfish, or cheeseburgers.