Nonbelievers: if you HAD to give lip service to one religion, what would you choose?

[E.Thorp]

@Heart_of_Dorkness

But I’d also be willing to go with Unitarian Universalist, Quaker, Methodist, and Baha’i. My experience with these religions is that they’re generally liberal, tolerant, into social justice, and not too pushy on the specifics of what, exactly, one believes.

I was raised Methodist and don’t remember much liberalism or tolerance. Then again, it was a small town.

As for myself, I’d go for the one with the hippie chicks, but if that wasn’t available I’d choose Quakers (for the pacifism) or Shakers (for the furniture).

I did check out Baha’i once, but only to impress a potential date. I retreated when the Baha’i I met with were way too homophobic for me (again, small town, so YMMV).

[Desert_Nomad]

Kimilsungism ?

[MacTech]

If forced, I’d choose The Church of the Great Green Arkleseziure, it makes as much sense as any other religion, and besides, Ravenous Mongooses (Mongeese?) have nothing on the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal, besides, a few well-placed buckshot shells, and the mongoose problem would be solved…

…Okay, FINE, if forced to choose an actual religion to give lip-service to, I’d choose Buddhism

[Czarcasm]

I’ll let you know as soon as I finish reading Sex Cults and Other Phenomena Volume One.

[Orr_G]

Ask me hypothetically, and I’ll say Buddhism. But given how I actually react when in the company of those who would happily play the role of middling-evil despot, I’d be a martyr for free thought.

[Kyla]

Judaism along the lines of one of the egalitarian movements.

[horsetech]

I would start worshiping in the House of Mongoose, then rise up with the Mongeese to overthrow the despot and take over the world (Dopers get extra pie in my world).

Seriously (well, sort of), I would go with the Reform Jews, the Quakers, or Unitarian Universalists. If I’m getting up early on Sundays, damn right I’m having coffee. Donuts optional.

[Boyo_Jim]

I would make up my own. It would be partly based on the published information on what is required by the IRS to acieve tax exempt status as a church. It would be partly based on the available information about how cults recruit and exploit their sheeple.

I would either be god, or god’s represntative on earth, depending on what my research showed.

I will call it “Christianity” to fulfill the OP requirements.

Oh, yeah, and snake handling, lots of snake handling.

Did I mention the deflowering of virgins?

[panache45]

@TheMerchandise

Reform Judaism.

That’d be my choice for one reason: That’s how I was raised, and I got very good at tuning out all the bullshit.

[Enniaunus]

Southern Baptism.

Rationale: I played the part beautifully for 6 years after privately renouncing; it would be both familiar and easy.

[Boyo_Jim]

@Kyla

Judaism along the lines of one of the egalitarian movements.

There’s a long history of people going all holocausty on Jews. I don’t need the hassle, though I could probably stand to lose some weight in a concentration camp.

[Peanuthead]

I am truly shocked and disappointed in you people! 49 posts and not one single Rastafarian!

[Boyo_Jim]

The dreds look like too much work.

[madmonk28]

Another vote for Baha’i. They don’t really have a clergy and they respect other people’s beliefs.

[bengangmo]

• 1 here for buddhist / taoist. What I like most (from what I know of their teachings) is that its focussed on doing what you can, what works for you and there is no expectation of proselytisation or punishment. I also like the ideals, as in don’t harm others, the less you expect the happier you are etc - and there is not a big thing of “you must not”

If not buddhist - then Bahai - for reasons already mentioned (no clergy plus respect multiple prophets)

[Peanuthead]

@Boyo_Jim

The dreds look like too much work.

Not when you bald headed mahn! Now pass me that spliff.

[Dangerosa]

@NinjaChick

If I must participate in an organized religion where I need to listen to other people speak, it would be Unitarian Universalism. As far as I can tell their core belief is that everyone is on their own individual quest for the ‘right’ core beliefs, which I bet means you’re pretty unlikely to get lectured at.

We get lectured at. On the need for clean water for everyone. On the injustice of some people not having enough to eat. On the right for everyone to marry who they choose. But its not the fire and brimstone sort of lecturing.

[don_t_ask]

As an ordained ULC minister I will start my own local congregation. Belief in God is optional and after the third beer the service is over.

[Grumman]

Which one supports immolating stupid despots in a sea of purifying fire?

[Gus_Gusterson]

@BigT

My college roommate says that, to be a good Catholic, you only have to attend mass once a year. And, as far as I know, no one has even been excommunicated in a long time, let alone stoned. Lots of Catholics disagree with some parts of the doctrine, and do what they want and confess later. And if you are inclined to “sin” a lot, I could see it being kinda fun, as it would just be bragging that no one could even legally use against you.

Your college roommate is wrong. Being Catholic sucks (or, in my case, sucked, because I quit a long time ago). You are expected to go to church every week and on the holy days of obligation. Sure, you can confess your sins, but they are only wiped away if you are truly sorry for them. You don’t just get a free pass for anything you do. On top of all that fun, the priests are, to a man (there are no female priests, of course), assholes. Three of the priests in the parish I went to turned out to be molesters. The rest were dicks.

You can go about it the way your roommate does, but if it turns out that there is a God and what the Bible says is true, you’re going to burn in hell.