Time to go back to the Wiccan Church of Canada then. If it no longer exists, the Unitarian Universalists look nice (and their building is better looking).
I’m atheist and a Buddhist, so it’d be no great different. Failing that, I’d go with Shinto. I’m allergic to Supreme Beings, but kami sound more my speed.
Oh, you mean *Lapsed *Catholicism?
Animism. I could believe in the spirits of trees and rocks much more easily than some omniscient being in the sky.
(Totally serious answer. Trees and rocks are cool.)
In spite of my username, I’m more of a Taoist.
Probably either Shintoism, or some neopagan animist religion. I could probably find both within easy reach of where I live, to boot. And as a troper here once said, “Wiccan women are open-minded and flexible.” 
Failing those, maybe Islam, but only if I got to reestablish the Hashshashin.
Huh what? Shakers are supposed to be celibate.
In my case, I wouldn’t need to change anything. I attend my UU church every Sunday (and it is no problem for the UU “theology” that I’m an atheist! I don’t even have to lie or pretend to believe in things that I don’t believe in.)
In that case I’m going to change my answer from Judaism to UU, because even though one of my best friends is Jewish (and the other is a Muslim–really!), I don’t think I would enjoy having to go to even the most liberal reform synagogue regularly.
Of course, going to UU services every week would also be a bit of a chore for someone as non-social as me, but it would be more familiar, since I was raised as a UU. After a while I find their earnestness a a bit tiresome.
Can I try the Jews for a while with the option of switching to the UUs? Or go back and forth when I get tired of one? Or do I have to choose one and stick with it?
I’ve actually been in this situation. In Cameroon, saying you are not religious is just incomprehensable to people. But any religion at all- even beer worshipping paganism- was okay. I claimed UU.
I’m surprised at how many people claim Buddhism. A central tenet is that all the things you love harm you. Not just materiel pocessions, but your love for your family, your joy at seeing a beautiful sunrise, etc. Not that you have to be a monk, but that all desire (and therefor all joy) is ultimatly harmful. No thanks!
I would pick Secular Humanism
OK maybe Irish Catholic. I’m not Irish, but they sure can throw a party, and I love parties!
It’s been quite some time since I dabbled in Buddhist thought, so I could be wrong, but I don’t think this is quite right. IIRC, it’s not that things you love harm you, but desire for those things invariably cause suffering and suffering is an unavoidable part of life. For instance, love for your family doesn’t harm you, but yearning for them after they’re gone is suffering. But suffering ends when one stops desiring that which cannot be fulfilled. When you’ve come around and accepted that all you have are the memories of the family member that has passed on, you begin to live life again and move on. That’s the natural state of enlightenment: a lack of desire and, therefore, suffering.
To me, that was inspiring. That one can ultimately move beyond the inevitable suffering that is part and parcel of living. I also really liked the part about the impermanence of everything. That’s something I’ve kept and remind myself often when I’m unhappy with the state of things.
As for me, I’m not much into the One Supreme Being idea and I’d much rather people focus on their own lives (than other people’s lives) and their relationship with humanity and the world around them (as opposed to some divine being), so Buddhism would be a good choice. I liked Taoism quite a bit as well. I never knew much about Baha’i until reading this thread, but I’ll put that on the short list, although we’re back to focusing on a supreme being again. And if I had to that, the easiest thing to do would be to go back to the UU church. They were nice people and didn’t have a lot of expectations of me other than appealing to my humanist nature to try to fix what’s wrong in the world. I wouldn’t even have to change my current religious status as one-third of UUs profess to be agnostic.
I know. It was a cruel joke.
:: shrug ::
How the hell should I know? This isn’t a Skald-conquers-the-Earth hypothetical, as might be inferred from the dearth of references to Natalie Portman jumping rope naked. Also, if it were a SCtE hypothetical, forcing everybody to join a church would obviously be part of a trick to gather people together for easier enslavement.
It’s not? You mean Obama is planning this, like the Death Panels?
I’m not supposed to talk about what Obama is plotting, but you guys might want to steer clear of Bismark, North Dakota, on New Year’s Eve.
I’m just saying.
Because it’s such a New Year’s destination hotspot.
Take it up with Hillary & Michelle. It isn’t MY plot.
I’m just sayin’. Scheme could use a little brushin’ up, is all.
For all you know, that’s where Christ is supposed to appear in his second coming, and of course when he teleports down he will briefly be vulnerable to a massive overdose of gamma radiation and thus–
Um, never mind. Forgot where I was for a second. In fact, all you guys neuralize yourselves.
Pretty sure that if the second coming of Christ is going to bring about the literal bodily resurrection of all Christians, he wouldn’t have any problems with some radiation thrown his way.