Oh, yeah, that was definitely a huge part of my mom’s disappointment when I got it through her skull that I was never having kids - I could tell, she saw it as me wriggling out of some cosmic punishment.
I can describe the way I feel about it. It’s largely emotional, which is why parents and childfree people have such a hard time communicating.
For me, the long term gain is when you see your child become a productive member of society, so you know you have done your part in the great circle of life. I might even go stronger and say that I will have done my duty in the great circle of life when that happens.
There’s a sense of wanting to pass something on to the next generation: knowledge, family history, culture, etc., that is very strong in people who want children and very weak in childfree people. And that I think is the big difference between them.
I came in to quote the upper paragraph that I have left in, but the second is so true!
But thats true about the book reading! You just can’t lose yourself in a story anymore when they are young & even though my younger child is now 17 it just never came back! & I still can’t read while I’m at the beach. (I tried last summer)
Childfree (or in particular, teenage boy free) you may sometimes have a clean kitchen bench & no dirty dishes.
Woah, having a mother who feels that way must be terrible. 
My sympathies.
I can tell that my parents don’t feel that way at all (aside from an occasional wry moment of ‘I told you so’). When they see my son, they are genuinely delighted - last year, when we took him up to the cottage, and my dad got to paddle his grandson in his canoe around the island - you could see it in his face, the happiness. While I certainly did not have a kid to make them happy, I’m not sorry that it does.
I find it interesting that many of the posts from the “childless” camp have referred to issues they had with their own parents. Not drawing any conclusions, just making an observation.
good for them. But unless they’re ready and willing to raise them, they can want grandkids 'til doomsday for all I care.
Oh of course you’re not drawing any conclusions. Nope, none at all.
No-one in their right mind would argue that one ought to have kids to make one’s parents happy - at least, in my opinion.
It was definitely one of my main reasons. There was no way I wanted to put a child through what I had to go through and knowing there was no way I could protect said child from these things, I opted to remain childless.
Possibly because we learned, in the most brutal way possible, that family - while nice - ain’t everything.
Both me and my wife and my good buddy and his wife have no children and don’t want 'em. We all have great relationships with our parents and siblings. When my dad died I was utterly gutted, he was one of the very best people I ever knew. My parents were kind of proto-hippies, so growing up was very family-oriented, huggy-huggy, let’s all go do something fun together, whee! My sister is one of my best friends and we love our ma.
My buddy’s wife has an enormous family and their house in like grand central station with family, nieces, nephews, parents, uncles and aunts. They have great parents, spend huge amounts of time with them currently, and they still don’t want kids of their own.
So while you’re “not drawing a conclusion” may want to stick that in a pipe and smoke it for a bit as an extra “observation”.
Yeah right. I have a great relationship with my family, but I am absolutely childfree. On the highest level it’s because I believe most of all the world’s problems are the results of overpopulation. On a more visceral level, I find pregnancy absolutely disgusting.
It’s possible that, with the exception of the alcohol and belly-sleeping, CarolCairo’s pregnancy experience included none of these things.
I would agree with this. I have consciously thought about not subjecting children to the kind of childhood I had.
I think it’s the parents with the communications issues. They can’t seem to communicate any ideas at all without adding what their children think about it, or something cute their child said or did that they somehow relate to the subject matter.
Relax Cellphone and Zealot. No need to be so defensive.
My observation was about the fact the some chose to post about their relationship with their parents as a factor, as confirmed by the two posts above yours. I pointed it out because it’s not a factor that I had considered before reading their posts.
Family is not everything but it should be a large thing. And from your statement it was a big thing, just not a good thing.
Look I know people who have come from some pretty crappy childhoods who have gone on to be great parents. It is a choice you make to not repeat the mistakes of your parents, but always remember parents do try and do the right thing it is just that some parents and pretty fucked up themselves.
This is a bit like an athiest arguing with a believer.
Well, I don’t agree with that.
As my kid is fond of saying, when he does that funny little dance of his, “daddy doesn’t have any communications issue”. 
Well now, that’s just kind of insulting. I spend all day at my computer programming job, which involves pretty sophisticated communication, without mentioning my son at all most days.
Very interesting point because it really brings something up. You see, for me family really IS everything. When I was growing up, I had few friends, and none that I could really count on. But my family was totally accepting and loving. And I mean my extended family – lots of aunts, uncles, cousins. I grew up with the understanding that they were all-important, the rest of the world could vanish tomorrow. And often did.
Just like there is more than one way to die old and lonely, there is more than one way to contribute to the next generation. I don’t need to have children to know that the world isn’t going to end when I die. I am childfree by choice and many, if not most, of the decisions I make regarding what to do with my life boil down to this idea. The only difference is that I pass on my knowledge, culture, etc. to other people’s children.
Uh-huh. I might recommend you don’t sit there and assume you know everyone else’s motivations. It’s really arrogant.