Oh yeah … and at what point should I interrupt the proceedings to announce myself as the secret godmother?
Yeah, considering that the OP has some obvious problems in reading social cues, this is probably a little beyond acceptable.
Wedding invitations all include a secret password. You have to use that secret password whenever mentioning the wedding. Since you don’t know the password, and don’t say it when mentioning the wedding to someone else, they know you aren’t invited.
A drumset.
One thing that stood out was that all of the profiles were made recently (even the yahoo answers one) except for an account on the social anxiety forum. That one dates to 2010.
Are you kidding? Who wouldn’t trade a moment of awkwardness at their wedding for a lifetime of stories?
You should give the child a copy of Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman.
You wept at Umkay’s brave story, didn’t you?
An invited guest to my wedding plotted to have me arrested and then, to kidnap my wife. True story.
I’d show up at the park with a small crowd and stage my own wedding mere yards from their wedding. That’ll show them!
Ironic, considering the username.
If you’re a young female, I believe it’s acceptable to attend a wedding you weren’t invited to if you’re carrying an infant. And when the usher asks if you’re a friend of the bride or the groom, you loudly, indignantly, and tearfully reply “I’m a friend of NEITHER!”
Thanks, Trollbuster. What would we do without you? 
A fact already noted multiple times in this thread, but thanks for sharing.
And I have to again point out
At the expense of being humiliated by being trolled, I think we should afford a little more compassion at the off chance that she is indeed having problems, especially since she chose this board to actually reply to.
Just sayin’.
Compassion for what exactly? Ignoring the same answer over and over and over again?
Obviously, “Godless Heathen” means ‘Jewish’ (or, you know, close enough). So clearly, they want you to be the Mohel. Show up with appropriate equipment and just dive right in.
Signing up to a message board to tell the people there about a troll they already figured out is much sadder than signing up to a message board soliciting advice that for some reason you cannot handle.
One small problem: while the OP can just “sneak into” the wedding, how does he (she?) get into the reception to pull off this stunt?
Here’s an idea: find the most picturesque spot in the park, and go stand far in the background wearing something that stands out. Somebody might just come over to ask you to move so they can take a picture. (This happened, unintentionally, with my oldest brother at his wedding.) When they find out it’s you, maybe they’ll tell you why you weren’t invited. (Unfortunately, there are people who told you the date and place; otherwise, you could just claim ignorance.)
It’s like Ann Landers is trying to get the internet to do her job for her.