But I recently found out my estranged brother named his daughter the name we were planning on for WhyBaby (due in June).
I met the daughter, her sister and her mother at Xmastime, and the meeting went really well. I like them a lot. Still have no desire to see my brother (really estranged - we haven’t seen each other in more than 15 years). None. Zip. Nada.
But he’s not estranged from the rest of the family, just me. We do a ridiculous amount of dancing and planning to avoid having both of us there at the same time. But it does mean that my parents would have two grandchildren with the same name, although spelled differently. ('Cause they spelled it wrong. Not “another form” wrong, plain, flat-out wrong. The name as written exists as a different name than the name they say out loud. It’s as if they named her “Lauren” and pronounce it “Lucinda”. Drives me nuts. It’s the out-loud name that we chose.)
WhyDad and I have been trying to think of a different name, but it’s just not working. The one we chose is so perfect (that’s why I’m not posting it - I don’t want it critiqued to death. I like it, he likes it, I don’t care if Dopers like it!) and nothing else “feels” right.
So, does my brother have “dibs”? Do I have to pick a name I like less because he thought of it four years ago? :mad:
Seems to me the only approval needed in this case is you and WhyDad. You name that child whatever your heart desires, and think nothing of anything else.
I have two nephews named David - both my sister and my brother chose to name their firstborn sons David, and that’s about all there was to it…congratulations on your addition, and to heck with 'em all!
Your child = your naming decision. If nothing else, it’ll be less confusing for the grandparents at Christmas, no?
If it really does feel awkward…maybe you could keep the same first name, but use a nickname or shortened version? I know you shouldn’t have to do so, but it’s an option.
Well, it doesn’t look like there’s going to be a lot of interaction between your brother’s child and your child. So, name it what you want, spelled correctly, and don’t fret.
My son is named after his father, who was named after his father, who was named after his father. No confusion amongst the family members, though. My SILs calls my husband a diminutive (Billy as opposed to Bill, for example), I call him “Bill” and my son is “Billy” to me but “Little Billy” to his aunts. It all works out.
Another vote for “Nobody’s business but yours.” If you feel comfortable with the name, then that’s her name. Congratulations, by the way.
My family has lots of duplicate names too. Mostly they’re across generations, but some are in the same generation and some are provided by people who married into the family (one cousin married a guy with the same name as our favorite uncle; the other two married guys with the same first name). We always find ways to keep track of everyone: diminutives, nicknames, first name + last name. No one seems to get too worked up about any of this.
Oh, I know you don’t want it critiqued, but you’ve teased us so with your description of the brother’s version of the name! Please please please tell us at least how he spells it!
BTW, I’m with everyone else – I see no problem with the “same” name.
Yet another vote for “name your kid whatever you want.”
Among Ashkenazic Jews, the custom is to name children after a deceased relative. Given the large size of Orthodox families, this very often leads to families with lots of cousins with the same names.
For example, a family with six children (not uncommon in Orthodox circles) may each name their next child after a newly-deceased relative. This can result in upwards of four cousins with the same name.
Incidentially, my sister and I both named a child after our grandfather and grandmother (although both of us combined the names with other names, so in our case, the names are not identical).
Zev Steinhardt
Not quite the same thing, since it’s a middle name that none of them go by but two of my nieces by different sisters and a younger cousin are all ____ Nicole, named after my oldest cousin, the younger’s mother. I thought it was kind of odd that they all named them that but it’s never been an issue in our family and I don’t imagine it would be in yours either.
It had never ocurred to me that nearly every male in our family is William or Robert, and no one gets their panties in a bunch. Two girls with the same name shouldn’t be a huge issue. Thanks for reminding me of that.
Hmm. Well, OK. But before the deluge of “I hate that name” threads starts, lemme just say I’ll be ignoring them!
My neice’s name (when written) is Kali. “Kahl-lee”, as in the Hindu Goddess of Death and Destruction (and also rebirth, but the death pictures are so much more fun). Yet they pronounce it “Kaylee”.
Ok, maybe it’s not *such *a drastic difference, but there is definitly a proper way to pronounce “Kali,” and “Kaylee” just ain’t it.
The name we want to use is Caleigh Morgan. Morgan is my other brother’s name. I like him a whole lot and always have. Plus, I love the flow of it. It dances off my tongue in a wonderfully lilting Irish way: “JesusMaryandJoseph, Caleigh Morgan! You get your arse in the house this very minute!”
My husband has a first cousin who shares his given name.
My father has a first cousin who shares his given name (although his cousin’s name is spelt wrong!)
It’s never caused a problem for any of them. For one, none of them share a surname. In the case of my father, he has very little to do with his mother’s family (mostly due to distance) and so I don’t even think he’s met his cousin more than a couple of times in his entire life. My husband and his cousin do see a fair bit of each other and are only about three years apart in age, but it’s never been an issue.
Now, my uncle and my cousin have the same given name and surname, and are very close and see each other all the time - and that hasn’t caused any problems. I can’t see anything wrong with having a Caleigh and a Kali. You just might find some relatives confuse the spellings - my cousins Alan and Allan only get a correctly-spelt birthday card about half the time because Mum can never remember which one has the extra “l”.
My own toddler girl has a similar, though different, name to her baby cousin, and both of their names sound like to the baby’s mom’s name. Then there’s my sister, whose name is also different-but-similar, and is enough younger than me that I often call my girls by her name… it’s a source of jokes, not of resentment.
Oh! What a beautiful name! I can’t believe those sounds could be possible and I not think of them myself in all these years.
But a word with you about pronunciation of proper names. The persons who give the name and have the name can pronounce it any way they choose. (Thus saith my linguistics professor many years ago.)
BTW, four of my mother’s brothers and sisters had boys with the same name. My mother had two girls. I made up for it though. Both of my husbands had that name.
I dunno. I’d say go for it. I’m estranged-by-choice from some family, and I have no qualms about putting their names on the ‘list’. My hub’s family tradition is to not share names with living family, so I did call ‘dibs’ on one name - but there has been a ton of boys and it got ‘used’ by a cousin I don’t see very often.
Becoming moot as I think the hub has nothing but boys in him … but if we have a girl eventually I’ll lobby hard for a similar name, despite the cousin’s daughter.
Hee hee. That’s actually how I first thought of it. But Mr. Snooty Irish History Professor WhyDad wouldn’t consider it until I gave it the Irish spelling!
We have a very proper, very British sounding last name ending in a hard consonant, so it all works together nicely. Irish, Welsh and British. We just need to feed her haggis and we’ll have a one baby U.K.!
So, here’s hoping it’s a girl. If not, I’m pushing for Alexander Morgan, called Xander until he decides otherwise.
