NOT the Harry Potter thread (Book 7)

OK, I’ve read book 6. I say nothing about it. Enjoy your reading.
But with all these pesky spoilers, I thought it would be fun to let off steam about what happens in the last book.

Here’s a few examples to get your creative juices flowing…

Hogwarts is demolished to make way for a hyper-space bypass.

Harry fails his exams and has to resit the entire year. Lord Voldemort postpones any conflict for fear of upsetting the Board of Education.

Harry discovers he has extra powers and transfers to Xavier’s Academy.

'Harry rolled over in bed. Gradually he became aware that a voice was telling him to get up. He blinked blearily as his mother’s beaming face swam into view. “Oh, mother!” cried Harry. “I’ve had a terrible dream…”

If JKR ends the series with “OMG IT WAS A DREAM LOLZ!1”, I would die. And make her give me my money that I spent on the books back.

I think if that’s how Rowling ends it, she’ll be the one dying, as a mob of thousands of angry fans storm Scotland and wreak horrible vengeance upon her. Anyway. My suggestions:

  • The sun blows up and EVERYBODY DIES. (My favorite rejected ending for everything.)
  • Harry and Voldemort sit down for a nice cup of tea, and Voldemort turns out to be a really nice guy.
  • Harry takes a page from Arthur Weasley’s fascination with Muggle technology and calls in an orbital strike to take out Voldemort.
  • Voldemort wins.
  • Harry decides he doesn’t really care about Voldemort, grows his hair long and starts a grunge band.
  • Rita Skeeter turns out to have been the evil mastermind all along.

Harry and Voldemort both die while fighting each other. Harry’s final words. “Carry on without me Hermione, I wish I could have shagged you”
Voldemort turns out to be the evil Harry from an alternate dimension. (Cue spooky music)
Harry defeats Voldemort, becomes the new Voldemort.
Voldemort: “I am your father, Harry.”
Harry defeats Voldemort, becomes Greatest Wizard Ever.
“Hey Hermione want to try out this book of sex spells I found?”