If brains were gasoline, he would not have enough to power a piss-ant’s go cart around a BB.
With all due credit to my wife Zoe who introduced me to the concept on our first date 26 years ago: chimehead.
The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.
The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train’s not coming.
As a teacher, I’ve heard a lot of them.
“You’re about as useful as a cock-flavored lollipop!”
Patches O’Houlihan
When he missed the number 44 bus, he took the number 22 twice instead.
When he read that most accidents happen within one mile from home, he moved two miles.
When psychics read his mind, they only charge him half price.
He’s a meathead. Dead from the neck up.
[/Archie Bunker]
mmm
Swift, like tree in forest.
Sharp, like stone in river.
Has a bad case of microdeckia.
A couple of French Fries short of a plate of poutine!
Coupla brights short of a full 64.
One light out in the ol’ marquee.
A snowman short of a Christmas display.
About three bricks shy of a load.
bright as a 13 watt lightbulb
he could fuck up a soup sandwich
elevator doesn’t go to the top floor
an apple shy of a fruit basket
don’t pay him no mind, he’s techted (touched in the head, crazy, developtmentally delayed)
I had to look up microdeckia. [Mr. Burns] Excellent![/MB]
Has delusions of adequacy.
Strong like bull; smart like dumptruck.
Couldn’t find his ass with a ten man search party.
His IQ matches his shoe size.
My dad collects these kinds of sayings. So, keep 'em coming! His current favourite is:
All the dogs aren’t hooked up to his sled.
Can’t organize a piss up in a brewery.
From that very amusing link:
Acute Pneumoencephalopathy - airhead
Can’t always hit the urinal on the first squirt.
I always thought it was “Sharp as a pound of wet liver.”
“Look, I say looka here. Pay attention when I’m talkin’ to ya’ boy!”
Ain’t got the good sense God gave a goose.
I’m using this one at work tomorrow! 1+
Dumb as dirt.
You could put his brain in a matchbox and shake it around, and it would sound like a bb in a boxcar.
Democrat. <thumbs nose at Rigamarole>
One day a friend of mine did something blatantly backwards, as I was about to point it out to him he said, very snotty like, "I know, I know… What, have I got stupid wrote on my forehead?
I leaned toward him while peering intently at his forehead and said, “Yeah, but you spelled it wrong.” 