Note to thief: "I have a contagious disease ...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

That’s the text of a note that I taped on the inside of a gym locker here at work after discovering that someone used my towel to dry off.

And dry off he did, because he returned the towel to the hook in the locker so wet that it soaked my extra pair of work pants, my workout towel, and my shoes.

I hope the creep tries it again and has sleepless nights wrestling over whether I’m bluffing or not. (I’m bluffing.)

BTW, I would start locking my locker, but management says they will cut off all locks left on overnight, and the one time I forgot to remove my lock at the end of the day, they did a sweep that night…

Besides, if I start locking my locker during the day, the jerk won’t get a chance to see my note.

Stay tuned…

2

I wouldn’t believe that if I read it. If your sign said you have crabs, I wouldn’t have used your towel though.

Change it so it says something about some tropical parasite or something. (“I am currently being treated for [something], but live parasites and eggs may still be on my clothes and accessories…”)

3

Scabies?

4

Mangetout, you may be right, but the guy I suspect did this is none too bright.

Plus, I wanted to make it dramatic (“You wil die!”) to maximize the “sweating bullets” factor.

And making it an unspecified disease may also bump up the “OMG, I wonder what body part will be falling off” factor.

5

But then he’ll need a towel…

6

Reminds me of an old joke:

A mistrustful miser in a bar leaves a note on his half-finished beer, so he can go to the bathroom:

“I spat in this beer!”

Upon his return, there are other notes there:

“So did I.”

“So did I.”

“So did I.”

7

Skip the note and dust your towell with itching powder.

Or rub it down thoroughly with some fiberglass insulation.

Or poison ivy.

8

A wealthy gentleman went to a house of ill-refute (As Archie Bunker would say) and specifically asked the madam of the house for a gal with syphillis.

The madam was taken aback by such an odd request, but figured that there was some sort of psychological factor to the request, and was no stranger to requests that suggest self-punishment.

The establishment was very large, and she assured the client that he would get exactly what he wanted.

After asking around, she found someone free at the moment who was known to have great acting skills. The lass blandly claimed to have syphillis, and he two were off and “running.”

Afterward, she felt compelled to confess. “The truth is that I don’t really have the disease.”

:dubious: “You do NOW!” :eek:

  • TBJ