Well, I came home today to pick up mail and stuff.
It’s not the same now. It’s still home, yet it feels different walking around, using the computer… It’s like going to Grandma’s house now. You know you belong, but still kind of feel like an intruder.
Never before has toilet paper been a commodity. It’s a very strange thing to fight over ass-cleanser. There seems to be an abundance around here, so I think I’ll take a few rolls ::cackles maniacally::
There used to be much privacy while living here. My room, the bathrooms, whatever, but now, it feels different. Less secure. At the frat house, there is no privacy. My room is a box, and of the two windows, but one has a miniblind, Avert your eyes if you’re easily offended so it’s not like I can get myself off anymore. I don’t exactly have any female willing to do it for me right now (not an unusual situation) so it presents a problem that I can’t do it myself, either. Last Sunday, after I left home, I realized, MUCH to my chagrin, that in cleaning out my room, I’d left my… er… no easy way to put this… ‘rag’ under my bedframe. When I got back for the second load, the room had already been cleaned up. I blush to think of who threw it away, and wonder if they knew what it was. Talk about embarrassing! You may look back now I got a job, at an employment agency, but have yet to call in and get an assignment. I hate the idea of going back to work, it seems so… normal. I can’t be normal. I hate normal. I like sleeping till noon, drinking whenever I want, and eating frozen pizzas.
I’ve noticed that living close to college means I actually go to class less. When I was living at home, I had an impetus to get up and get around, that is, mom would bitch if I didn’t go. Now, I have no one looking after me. Watch out, maturity, here I come! God, I hope not.
I owe the county of Cass about 200 some bucks that I don’t have, I owe the Frat about 300 for rent and security deposit that I don’t have, not to mention dues. I owe my parents about 1800 for my car and insurance (that I DO have, thank God) but I can’t pay them off until after I finish putting my other car together to sell to my sister. I also still owe my lawyer around $50. I only had $62 in my bank account, but gave $20 of it to the fraternity, and put about $15 in my tank. When’s Tim going to eat next is the newest game.
One of my house-mates decided that he needs the fridge more than anyone else, and moved it into his room. I don’t mind so much keeping my food in his room, that means that no one will steal it. Problem is, he refuses to give a key so I can get to it when he’s not there. And, I like to eat around 2am sometimes. I also don’t want to answer to anyone about my eating habits. I’ll give him another week to put the fridge back or give me a key, then I’ll start bitching and have him forced into returning the fridge.
There’s a second fridge available, but it’s downstairs, and full of rotten food, because it’s sat unplugged for six months. I think he cleaned it out today for us to use, but I’m not going to. I’ll tell him he can have IT (it’s older, doesn’t cool as well, and looks like hell), and to put the GOOD fridge back. I think he’ll complain some, but pressure’s been mounting from all angles, so he’ll cave.
I can’t seem to confront anyone about anything. The college about withholding money from me, Clint about the fridge, etc., unless it’s in written form. I guess that’s from getting picked on and beaten up as a kid.
I’ve decided that my ‘dreaded engine noise’ was just an extreme, sudden exhaust gasket failure on the rear of the motor. I’d still like to rebuild the motherfucker, but I lack the funds (see above). I’m also without a license since July (I’ve been too Goddamned lazy to go renew it, I’ll have to test, and it’s way out of my way, such a bother), so I’m terrified of being pulled over, and have had some close calls. No tickets since before summer, nearly a record.
I dislike class, but love college. I rarely go to class anymore. I’m afraid I may drop out after my Sophomore year (this is my 3rd semester) to have a try at becoming a Navy Seal, then come back and finish. I have no idea what I want to be.
Carrie from the school paper is wanting me to write for them, but I have no idea what to write about. I’d like to be anonymous, though. I’d also like to name the column “Just shut up” or something like that. I’d write and rant and review and reminisce and such, but I lack topics. If I can be provided with a dozen or so good topics, somewhat on the edge, but still inoffensive enough to see print, I’ll throw some short form essays together for her, and see how she likes them. I’d prefer anonymity there for the same reason I hold basic anonymity here. I can’t stand having anyone critique what I write, my self esteem/self worth is too incrediby low to handle such a thing.
Well, pornography is calling my name. Perhaps I’ll write more later.
–Tim