"now why didn't I think of that" department - emergency rescue for your pet!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Don’t you sometimes read of a business model and say to yourself “Now why didn’t I think of that?” I do that all the time.

Here is the latest and greatest idea: an offer to Christians to keep their pets safe after the rapture!

Eternal Earth-Bound Pets

Their FAQ addresses some of the thorny issues, e.g. how do you know that the Earth-Bound pet representatives won’t also be taken up during the rapture? Answer: because they are atheists Mark 3:29 guarantees they are going to hell (“But he that shall blaspheme against the Holy Ghost hath never forgiveness, but is in danger of eternal damnation.”)
Also addresses the concern that an atheist might not keep their promise: “Being an atheist does not mean we lack morals or ethics.”

Anyone else out there have any great business ideas that they need help implementing? I would live to retire early.

2

What a great way to fleece people for $110! It’s a weird amount, but get enough suckers to take out “insurance” on something that will never happen, and you’ll have a tidy pile of money.

ETA: I should look into signing up as an area rep.

3

I have heard of pet ambulance services, but this is different.

The idea that a loving god would, as a reward for my faithful device would leave my pets to rot - no.

4

I’m waiting until they open a branch in California and see how much their representatives get paid. If I can’t be the founder, maybe I can be an employee and get rich that way.

5

A fool and his money…

Who was it who said, “If there’s no dogs in heaven I ain’t going”? Don’t they think they’ll miss their pets when they’re whizzed away through the sky? Why can’t they take their pets with them? Okay, I see how trying to grab hold of your Great Dane would result in arriving in paradise with a severe hernia. But what’s to stop you from quickly scooping up Fluffy and Fifi when they turn the gravity off?

6

When I go, I’d like to go to cat heaven, because that would be like staying home. Talk about spoiled kitties…

7

Funny thing is their performance under the contract is contingent upon the customer being Raptured within 10 years of payment. No Rapture for you, no refund. If you do get Raptured and they fail to perform, what are you gonna do about it … sue them?

8

Hells fire and damnation, of course!

Wait, that’s what they’ll already be looking at…

9

Will Rogers, and IIRC, it was, “If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die, I want to go where they went.” A sentiment I agree with (though as an unrepentant heathen I don’t imagine it’ll ever be a problem).

And, man, in the unlikely case of rapture occurring…a much higher dog-to-human ratio and a much lower fundamentalist-to-heathen ratio? That doesn’t sound too bad, really.