Pets "Left Behind" can be cared for, thanks to atheists!

[Bricker]

I kid you not:

http://eternal-earthbound-pets.com/Home_Page.html

You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved. But when the Rapture comes what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each
Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

Heh.

Heh heh heh.

Awesome.

[Wheelz]

Each of our representatives has stated to us in writing that they are atheists, do not believe in God / Jesus, and that they have blasphemed in accordance with
Mark 3:29, negating any chance of salvation.
…
[ul]If subscriber loses his/her faith and/or the Rapture occurs and subscriber is not Raptured (aka is “left behind”) EE-BP disclaims any liability; no refund will be tendered.
[/ul]
[ul]
[li]Should a relative residing within the rescue location not be Raptured and opts to retain the pet(s), EE-BP will not take posession of the pet(s). No refund will be tendered.[/li][/ul]

Awesome. I wish I’d thought of this.

[Jenaroph]

I knew I’d read this one on the boardbefore; it’s still funny.

[Guinastasia]

But…all dogs go to heaven!

[Steve_MB]

I assume that there are also no refunds if it turns out that Heaven goes by merit after all:

@Mark Twain

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

[Jackmannii]

@Steve_MB

I assume that there are also no refunds if it turns out that Heaven goes by merit after all:

@Mark Twain

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

I’ve known plenty of dogs who probably got to bark at Cerberus on their way into Hell.

[Freddy_the_Pig]

If there are no cats in heaven, I’m not going.

Oh, who the hell am I kidding? I’m not going anyway.

[Guinastasia]

There’s no way ANY of my pets would get in. Not even my dog.

[RealityChuck]

@Guinastasia

But…all dogs go to heaven!

Not after the movie.

[Voyager]

Dogs will never get in - they don’t have the proper faith. When they worshipfully pray to their deity for food or a walk, they actually get it - unlike humans who pray for stuff.

As for the OP, if they actually get any money out of this I’ll consider our country doomed.

[Chessic_Sense]

Little late on this one, I think. This idea is, like, 10 years old now.

[palindromemordnilap]

I wonder if there are other services I could offer to Raptured. I’ll water your plants. I’ll remove all the gay porn from your computer. I’ll make sure your house isn’t sold to a Mexican family. I’ll deliver that pre-written letter to your heathen cousin Phil which says, in effect, “Toldja!” I’ll sign on and change your Facebook status.

[The_Hamster_King]

Of course since atheists have no moral center, they’ll probably just slaughter your pets for fun and dance around draped in their entrails.

[Gorsnak]

@The_Hamster_King

Of course since atheists have no moral center, they’ll probably just slaughter your pets for fun and dance around draped in their entrails.

Shut up!

[Boyo_Jim]

How much time is there supposed to be between the Rapture and the End of Days?

'Cause that’s gonna affect my price.

[Voyager]

@The_Hamster_King

Of course since atheists have no moral center, they’ll probably just slaughter your pets for fun and dance around draped in their entrails.

Never! Things might be disrupted, and dogs can make good eating. You’d cook the damn entrails.

[user_hostile]

[Homer Simpson]

Mmmm…dog entrails.

[/Homer Simpson]

[Northern_Piper]

Previous threads on topic:

“now why didn’t I think of that” department - emergency rescue for your pet!

Atheists offer to care for Christians’ pets after the Rapture

My new heroes - the people who came up with “Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA”

So, is your pet Rapture-ready?