So, is your pet Rapture-ready?

According to most Rapture theorists, when the Rapture comes, only people get called by Jesus - their pets, no matter how dedicated to their owners, get Left Behind.

So, what do you do if you have a beloved pet, but you’re pretty sure that when the Rapture comes, you’re there? Do you leave your pet to fend for itself, in the chaos of the post-Rapture eeevilness? How can you think of little Fido being exposed to all that moral instability?

Why, you call up the local franchise of friendly atheists who have started a business to look after un-Raptured pets. After all, as atheists, they know that they’ll definitely be left behind:

Only hitch - you have to pay them in advance.

It’s the Rapture: What to do when Rover can’t come over?

Cripes, why can’t I come up with business ideas like this?


Our church actually does a “pet blessing” on St. Francis’s feast day. My dad takes the dog up every year. So technically, she’s been baptized. And best of all, it’s FREE. (But um, I don’t know if it would count for the Rapture. Would it?)

(We used to take my cat when I was little. I remember one year one of my classmates even brought her horse!)

We do the blessing of the pets also on St. Francis’s Day. We had 9 dogs, 5 cats, 3 hampsters, 1 iguana, 1 horse and 1 goat this year.

Since my church doesn’t believe in the rapture (I’ve been told that besides going to hell because we worship idols, we are wrong because we are post-trib too), I don’t know how well our dear pets will fare. I’m planning on dying in the next 75 years and I rather think Nekko and Sorbet will go much before that. Guess the entrepreneurial atheists won’t make the $110 for those two cats.

What if I won’t go to any heaven that doesn’t allow dogs, like that Twilight Zone episode?

Bah, no self-respecting fundie would leave their pets with some … sputter ATHIEST!

That being said, I was wanting to comment on a History Channel special/series I saw a few months ago about what the world would be like without people (they’re presupposing a sudden dissappearance of the human race, without really going into specifics), the episodes dealing with the first few days/weeks after humanity’s departure talk about what would happen to the pets left, not a pretty sight - however the article mentions Alan Weisman’s book, which seems to cover that very well.

My pet Raptor has been ready for a long time. Eons.

Do they do exorcisms too? 'Cause I have a Pug/Beagle who I’m pretty sure is possessed. I haven’t actually found the 666 mark, but…

My lawn service elected to stop mowing an obscure corner of my lawn some time last July. I’d been out there in mid-June, so it couldn’t have been more than six weeks before I noticed and corrected the problem.

In that time the weeds had already grown up above my head, and a group of various rodents (from mice to rabbits and [shudder] in between) had moved in. Also moving into the territory were two feral cats, who have continued to thrive even after the mowing recommenced.

Conclusion: nature will do just fine, as long as it’s not locked in the house.

My fish though, they’ll die a slow icky death.

I’ve got a pug/beagle too. Puggle if you must. I don’t think they are possessed so much as they are an actual sign we are in the end times… :slight_smile:

I know this is a light-hearted thread (and it should be) but I do want to point out that pet blessings (which are not uncommon) are not the same as pet baptisms (which I have never heard of). The Church blesses all kinds of things (buildings, land, your lunch) which are not expected to enjoy life everlasting.

Carry on!

Good to know it’s not just ours! We’ve started to wonder if it’s just something about us that makes them crazy.

Would they prefer a Jew? I might be able to work something out with them…

I think any heaven that doesn’t allow my cats in is actually hell.

Actually, I’m pretty certain that my cat is getting Raptured and I’m the one being Left Behind Kirk-Cameron-style. Won’t someone start a business to take care of us hell-bound furparents?

Just another reason why I’m not a member. I don’t want to go to a heaven with no animals!

That was the Other Guys, not heaven. Watch your ass.

I’d like to know how unhappy clients will be able to sue if services are not provided?

Will heaven give temporary passes to go back to earth to take care of business?

I don’t know about that. “Life everlasting” could easily mean ghosts, and that microwave burrito I had for lunch yesterday certainly came back to haunt me.

All the lawyers will still be here…

We have two dogs. One is a sinner, the other a heathen. THEY WILL BUUUUURRRRRNNNNN!!! But, they both kinda like warmth.