Now you're making stuff up. [Obama's citizenship]

The BBQ Pit
1

At work this morning, a senior-level engineer, seemingly a very intelligent guy with great professional competancy told a small group of people that president Obama is not an American. You see, he (the prez) has never produced a birth certificate.

I took a reckless chance with my career and asked “What about the birth certificate he produced during the campaign?”. Thank providence that this towering intellect was there to set me right. As it turns out, according to my esteemed coworker, the Obama campaign produced a ‘certificate of live birth’, which is distinct from a ‘birth certificate’. Everybody knows that Hawaii used to just give out the former to anybody, whereas the latter are what really proves citizenship. He (coworker) has both of his, so we know he’s a real American.

Strangely, I posess the official, embossed birth documents for myself, my father, and my grandmother. All say ‘certificate of live birth’. It seems that I am not an American and come from a long line of foreigners. We should all be sent back to wherever the hell we came from, which is apparently a far-away state in the northeastern USA.

Also, Obama’s mother was ‘too young’ at the time of his birth to confer US citizenship on her offspring, even if she had somehow found herself in Hawaii, instead of Kenya, where everybody knows the president was really born. He didn’t say what the cutoff age is, unfortunately. I’ll be too busy deporting myself, but somebody needs to inform the young mothers of America that some of their kids are illegal.

Finally, you should know that the US military is experiencing the largest mutiny in it’s history. I am informed, by this same source, that hundreds of officers have announced that they will not follow orders until the president proves his citizenship. Which he of course can’t do. I am sure that there is some conspiracy to explain why this hasn’t made the news, but I had to leave before it was exposed. Probably involves foreigners or liberals, though. They’re always up to something.

This brings up all manner of interesting questions:

Is he repeating some crap written by a deranged person on the internet or just making it up as he goes along?

If the latter, what does he hope to accomplish?

Nobody contradicted him. Is everybody a coward like me, or do some people agree with this crazy stuff?

What the fuck is wrong with Oklahoma that people get worked up over issues that were dead and buried 6 months ago? Is there a time warp?

I Hate It Here.

2

Ann Dunham’s age would only have mattered if Barack Obama had been born outside the United States. Since Barack Obama was born in Hawaii, and Hawaii was part of the United States at the time, her age and citizenship are irrelevant.

But, apart from this small nitpick, I liked your rant.

3

Out of idle curiosity, why would her age have mattered if he had been born outside of the US?

4

Ignorance fought. That’s pretty interesting, I never realized age came into it at all.

They hide a grain of truth inside a mountain of horseshit. Clever trick. Presumably, if really pressed on it, he could claim that it was all a misunderstanding and his real point was factual, if irrelevant to the particular case in question.

5

Because, at the time that Obama was born, the child of a US-citizen mother and a non-citizen father born outside the US would only become a US citizen by birth if the mother had spent some years in the US after the age of 16. Ann Dunham was too young to have spent that number of years, even if she’d lived all her life in the US, because she was only 18 when Obama was born.

So there is a small point behind this search for a birth certificate: if you could prove that the Hawaiian certificate of live birth was fraudulent because Obama was born in Kenya or somewhere else outside the US, then Obama would not be a US citizen at all, and would not have even been eligible to be a US Senator or an Ilinois Senator. But the onus is on the conspiracy-theorists to prove this, because the certificate of live birth by itself is enough to prove Obama’s eligibility.

(And even though Senator McCain was born outside the US, he doesn’t have this problem: his father was a US citizen.)

6

This is my current favorite Conspiracy Theory. I’m fascinated by the sheer wingnuttery of it.

I have an acquaintance who thinks that Obama was installed by “The Powers That Be” and is just a puppet. As soon as he is no longer needed these puppetmasters will reveal that Obama was born in Kenya to get rid of him. He also believes that if the wingnuts can only prove in court that Obama is a “usurper” then the whole election will be voided, and John McCain will be proclaimed President.

I can only listen to him for a few minutes before I start to giggle at him.

7

Wouldn’t Joe Biden become President?

8

Only in this waking world that you and I inhabit.

9

No, that would impugn Bush’s reputation, so the supreme court would rule the election void and give our ‘war president’ another four years.

10

The first part was made up by the conspiracy theorists. It is not a part of US law.

At the time of John McCain’s birth, the Canal Zone was a US territory. Neither candidate’s citizenship is tainted in any way.

11

Aren’t you cute with your “logic” and “facts”. :wink:

12

That would be a very large sword to hold over Obama’s head by principalities and powers, making it very easy for him to be manipulated.

13

Yes it is (or was at the time of Obama’s birth. From the 1952 “Immigration and Nationality Act”

So, actually, at the time, the American citizen had to be at least 19.

14

Perennial candidate and madman Alan Keyes has been vocal about this since the election.

15

I haven’t seen him produce any documentation proving that he doesn’t kick puppies, you know. Maybe I can blackmail the President with made-up “facts” too!

16

There’s just no point to arguing. With people this deep into moonbat territory nothing you say is going to change their mind. Even if there was some other ‘real’ birth certificate, if you showed it to them they would claim it wasn’t the really really official US Birth Certification Form 362-C (embossed with holographic seal and stamped in triplicate!) or they’ll just say it’s a forgery.

It will always come down to “Haha sheep, that’s what they want you to think,” and no evidence to the contrary will change that.

For fun you could talk about how hopeful you are that Obama will institute the Amero soon. Maybe mention that if George Soros and the Chicago Combine wanted Obama in the White House who are we to disagree? After all they know best. Oops, look at the time, gonna be late for vaccinations and microchipping!

17

It is funny, really. I know someone who believes this too. I told him that I believed Obama was a US citizen because a) he has a US birth certificate b) his mother was a US citizen c) people remember him living in Hawaii as a tiny baby and young child d) he was on school rolls in Hawaii as a young child. I asked my acquaintance what grounds he had for believing Obama wasn’t a US citizen, and he just did that slow, superior, ‘I’m disappointed that you got this wrong’ head shake and tutted.

Somehow, it wasn’t very persuasive.

He’s a smart guy usually too. Odd, isn’t it, how some of these conspiracy theorists are otherwise very intelligent?

18

It’s because they’re smart enough to see through the subterfuge. :rolleyes:

19

This month’s Mad magazine had a list of things Abraham Lincoln and Barack Obama had in common. One of them was “Neither was born in Kenya”.

20

Another thing they have in common is that neither was born in Illinois.

(Illinois has produced three presidents so far, but none were born in that state. However, another president was born there :slight_smile: ).

The other president from Illinois was U.S. Grant. And Ronald Reagan was born in Illinois, but counts as a Californian.