BAHAHA. Funny thread. My mom used to make me stay in the hotel room at hotels, because apparently there are people who come to hotels for the sole purpose of roaming the hallways searching for twelve-year-old girls to kidnap.
I have a Nutty Mom Warning of Doom story! How about a mom who panicked at the thought of allowing her 14-year-old daughter to ride a bike to high school next year? The journey is only 1.2 miles, the route in question has bike lanes, and the daughter can be trusted to always, always wear her helmet. But, no, the only thing Mom can think of is all those teenaged drivers in their parents’ SUVs (so the little darlings won’t get injured in the accidents they cause) running into her own daughter’s bike and killing or severely injuring her.
If any of you side with my 14-year-old daughter on this one, you (and she) have about six months to persuade me, and it won’t be an easy task.
This mom stuff is hard.
I don’t know if this counts as a Nutty Warning, but my parents always told me when I’d flick the light-switch on and off continually it could start a fire. I don’t know how true that is.
Oh, and all the magazines under my bed are a fire hazard. Yeah, Mom, they’ll spontaneously combust. WTF?
Yeah, my mom always told me not to leave the fan in my room on cause it might start a fire.
Well my grandma has stranger warnings than my mom does. She once spent 30 minutes telling me to not dig holes at the beach becuase I could fall in it and break my neck. Nevermind that I rarely go to the beach, don’t dig holes when I do, would have the sense to remember where I dug the hole if I did, and it would have to be an extremely wide and deep whole for me to be able to flip over and land on my neck. Apparently she saw this on Oprah, and it was a special about freak accidents, but my grandma believe it happens all the time. She evn taped the show for me to watch.
Oo! Now THAT is a classic:
“Don’t do (insert activity here) because you could fall and break your neck!”
Classic grandma statement. Made me wonder if there was an unusually high number of children/teens who broke their necks during her generation - perhaps they had unusually delicate spines. And they all must’ve had one single eye from all the “put your eye out” acitivities.
OOOOOOh, your mom too!
I wasn’t allowed to wash the car in front of the house while wearing a bathing suit. That drove me nuts as a kid, but now, yikes, I do not want a bunch of lust driven goobering utes cruising past my house scoping out my daughter when she is in a bikini.
We also had an above ground pool and in the early summer when the cover was taken off and it was a disgusting shade of green ooze, I desperately wanted to be one of the ones to go in there to help clean the walls and such.
But I wasn’t allowed because I was a girl and I might get an infection.
Naturally, I never thought of my female thingies getting an infection, I was like, " I’ll put a band aid on my boo boo."
Feh.
I’m so jealous. My mom and grandma don’t have any warnings of doom.
Harborwolf’s grandmother, on the other hand, had a good one I’ll never forget. I was visiting her a few months ago, and she asked me how long I’d been with Harborwolf. I said 8 years. She nodded and said “Make sure you don’t let him take a hot shower before sex.” I looked at her with a mild degree of shock, but managed to nod. “It weakens the sperm, and you’ll have damaged babies.” she said.
When I was about 15 or so, every month I had The Period From Hell (I’ll spare you the details), and I’d read in Seventeen Magazine about how going on the BCP could reduce many symptoms of The Period From Hell. Soooo…magazine article in hand, I approach my mom.
“Mom, I was reading this, and I’d like to go on the birth control pill,” I say, presenting said article.
…without even looking at the article, my mom SHREEKS, “What!?! For FREE SEX?”
…and up until this time, I was a virgin, and wasn’t even dating anyone, but it certainly did give me ideas…
Oh, and looking back, I don’t find it somewhat suprising that I got pregnant at 16. (Nope, never did go on those birth control pills, for FREE SEX or other reasons…)
My dear departed grandmother used to fret any time one of us was outside, until we reached the age of ten or so, because according to her we were always subject to that mysterious but certainly deadly disease known as “wind on the tummy.”
And my mom insisted that, when licking icing or cake batter off of beaters, we not lick the centre post as our tongues would no doubt get caught, and she would have to take us to the emergency room with mixing beaters stuck to our tongues.
Now, she tells us that she was only joking. Little did she realize that we were so affected that we always made sure to lick the centre post when she wasn’t looking.
wind on the tummy???
My mother was always terrified of us being out in thunderstorms. Swore we’d get electrocuted. I pointed out to her once that lightning tends to strike tall things - therefore, I’d never get struck by lightning, as I’m short. She didn’t find it funny.
We were also told not to stick our hands out of car windows, lest we hit something and have our hands bludgeoned off. And she went through a brief phase where she was convinced that pebbles would fly through the open car windows and strike us in the head with bulletlike force, killing us instantly.
I love my mother. But sometimes I wonder about her.
My Nutty Mom Warning of Doom, was directed to my older sister. At one time, she lived in a high rise apartment building and parked her car in an assigned space in the underground garage directly under the apartment building. My mom was worried that a “wierdo” would attack my sister while she was getting in her car, that she told Kathy to wear a man’s hat pulled down low on her head so that people would think she was a man and wouldn’t attack her. Our other brothers and sisters spit drinks from our noises and hurt ourselves laughing, Kathy included. Mom was highly offended which made us laugh some more. I went out and bought Kathy one of those earflap hats that looked similar to ones that postmen wore while delivering their mail in cold weather. I also told Kathy to talk to herself while wearing the hat. Kathy thought that was riot. Mom was mad at me for making fun of her. She’s good for some laughs.
My mom won’t let my 10 year old brother go outside in thunderstorms, but that may be due to the funny habit he has of carrying his lacrosse stick everywhere.
My grandma, rest her soul, had a few good ones. You don’t sleep with a fan on you or you WILL get pnemonia. Also, you don’t do various things with your poker chips/cards because “You know, they shoot you in Vegas for that!” (still a favorite phrase of my sisters and I)
Genius, I can’t stop laughin at this, sorry 
Oo! What a great all purpose tagline!
Your SO squeezes the toothpaste from the middle of the tube?
Disdainful look, “ya know, they shoot you in Vegas for that!”
Drink milk straight from the carton?
“Ya know, they shoot you in Vegas for that!”
Use the last of the toilet paper without replacing the role?
“Ya know…”
Well, I don’t know about knocking your hand off, but we did recently have a student killed in Indianapolis because he had his head stuck out the window.
Here are a couple of links to stories:
http://www.ncsbs.org/crash_reports_2003/student_dies.htm
He had stuck his head out the window to see why the bus driver slowed down (trying to avoid a wounded raccoon in the road).
Dammit - he stuck his head out of the school bus window. Shoulda clarified!
My mom never said anything that weird, but one of my best friends (who is female) was required for a while by her mother to wait outside the front door for me when I came over to her house (as opposed to waiting inside the house) so she wouldn’t get a bad reputation. 
Supposedly, she would look like a ho if people saw me just walk in.
Another one of my friends is hardly allowed to go anywhere by herself because her mother is convinced she’ll be stalked/kidnapped/raped/killed. :rolleyes: There’s hardly even any crime in our neighborhood, particularly sex crimes.
Another friend’s grandma was always to convince his mom not to let him play videogames because electrical signals would be transmitted from the videogame console to the controller to his hands and zap his brain and turn him crazy. :dubious:
BTW, InternetLegend, I side with your daughter. However, I learned long ago not to try to reason with parents who are afraid for the safety of their children. It’s your decision.