Observations for successful threads (Hot chick photo links!)

There have been many threads dedicated to posting etiquette, advice for newbies, technical hints and even words/topics to be avoided. This one’s a bit different. I dedicate this thread to those thread creators who’ve consistently seen what they thought were good threads drop like a Bob Dole erection.

“My qualifications?” you ask?

None really, except for my own observations and experiences. I have posted to the board for several years, from a total of nine different time zones. I’ve spoken “off line” to other posters here. And finally, who else ya gonna listen to? heatherlee or me?!

Boost “Views,” and Subsequently “Responses,” to Your MPSIMS Thread

Thread titles

  1. Sex sells. Even if your thread has no links to to hot chick photos, a promise of links will boost your views. This often garners you harsh critisism from hard-up male posters whose names rhyme with Coldfire and Vestal Blue, but is still a successful technique. A double entendre is perfect for a successful thread title.

  2. Questions. If you’re polling, you may want to title your thread with a question. Some points of caution are:
    Avoid the dreaded "yes/no’ question. Invariably, the first responder will answer yes and explain. The second poster will answer no and explain. No one else will post (unless you have a link to hot chick photos, and then you’ll receive critical acclaim). Rather, pose the question so there can be a multitude of answers. Don’t you agree that “What’s the most fun part of your SO’s body?” is a better title than, “Is anyone else a boob man/penis woman?” (Notice the subtle tie-back to suggestion 1.)

  3. Avoid excluding a segment of posters. Some folks won’t open pet threads. Others avoid deep thinking threads. Try to include as many different kinds of posters as possible. Let’s take a thread about how to get more relaxation out of stroking your pet cat. An example of a good thread title may be: “How do I scratch my pussy?” Note, the adherance to Rules 1 and 2. All heterosexual men will check it out. Pet lovers will check it out. Women will check it out to compare techniques. Gay men will check it out so they won’t be left out of the loop.

  4. Use a reg’s name. Old timers will check out every “Hey, Mully!” thread because they’re old timers and Mully once posted a link to hot chick photos. Newbies will know the name because Mullinator posts a lot and the nebies don’t want to miss anything.

  5. Subtlety counts for nothing. Hold nothing back. If you’re posting a link to hot chick photos, tell us.

The Opening (or original) Post

  1. Humor, you bastards! If you make someone laugh, the world is your oyster. Sarcasm, witty denegration and irony are closely related and often are elements in successful threads.

  2. Promises, promises. If you have links to hot chick photos, put 'em in the OP. Don’t make us scroll. Scrolling = death. If you don’t have hot chick photo links, you should mention that in your OP too. Hey, you got us to open your thread at least!
    If you are giving advice, horoscopes, or otherwise “working” an “Ask the _____ Guy/Gal” thread, ignore no poster. They took the time to open and read your thread. Give them the courtesy of an answer. When you’ve tired of the thread, post that you’re letting it die nd there wil be no more answers forthcoming.

  3. Hi Opal! You’ll gradually learn about different posters – their quirks, likes, dislikes and what will prompt them to post links to hot chick photos. Use 'em as you learn 'em. Some of us do a quick search for our username when we boot up the computer in the morning. A quick mention of a poster is a good bet that he or she will notice and respond to that thread.

  4. Proof twice, post once We all make mistakes. Try to proof your typing before posting. Ensure you’ve got the correct URL for your hot chick photo link. Be especially careful of the “accidental smiley.”

  5. Be conscious of load times. I don’t know what this means, but many posters bitch about it. Exception: Posters will forgive long load times if you have legitimate links to hot chick photos.

  6. Your sig’s place in the world. At the end of your OP. Not in a subsequent answer in your thread, never twice in a thread. I suppose you’ll be forgiven if you break this rule if you have a real link to hot chick photos as your sig.

Care and Feeding of Your Thread

  1. Checking back in. Many times a poster to your thread will ask for amplifying information about your OP. Give it to 'em. They may stray from the OP. Let them, but then you should give your input to these veers. For example, you may be asked the name of the chick in your hot chick photo link. Tell 'em. Someone may post that she looks like his or her sister in Florida. Post again, agreeing that there are many hot chicks in Florida.

  2. Timing is 95% of the battle. Many posters check in with the board just after they get to work, at lunch and when they get home. Others check in only after work. 5 p.m. through 9 p.m. Eastern Time is the best time to get responses. This covers most U.S./Canada time zones. No, I’m not ignoring Anniz and other Euro-dopers, I’m just being honest. Many of my threads died quickly and painfully for the sole reason that I was posting at 9 a.m. … from the Persian Gulf.

  3. Get yerself a pair of balls. Have the 'nads to post what you mean. Stand by your assertions. If you feel your thread really and truly needs a bump. Bump it yourself! Thread masterbation is nothing to be ashamed of, especially if you have links to hot chick photos.

  4. Have fun. Hey, it’s what most of us are here (in MPSIMS) for right?

and finally…

  1. Never, ever rely on thread advice posted to this board! We’re all jealous bastards who think we are the end-all and be-all of these here boards, and, by golly, you’re never gonna be a better, “more successful” poster than me!!! Ur… us. Yeah, that’s what I meant, us.

Note: No hot chick photo links in above post.

[Edited by Eutychus55 on 02-01-2001 at 05:46 PM]

I new I was gonna screw up the code. L’il help, UncleBeer?

On the bright side, I didn’t screw up a link to hot chick photos.

Yup, that’s an important one…

Aw damn. . . And I just got home from work and wanted to kick back a few beers. Crap . . .

I scrolled, I died. Such is life. . .
Tripler

Thanks, Euty.

I’ll be curled in the fetal position beneath my desk should you need me.

Uh, ya know. . . Some of us would like some freakin’ links here.

I got tons of beer, but no links. This presents a problem . . .
Tripler
Desk = bomb shelter? I think not.

Since ChiefScott mislead everyone about the chick photos, I’ve decided to link to some undressed chicks for everyone.

Enjoy.

BTW - all you lonely guys out there. Here’s a guide to help you learn how to sex chicks. Put it to good use and don’t forget to wach your hands when you’re done.

Oh my God that’s good. Give me more!
Tripler
Chicks. Nothing but blond chicks. . .

Tripler - all the chicks you’d want to see are right here. Just scroll down a bit once you get there and check out the links. All the unclothed chicks you can imagine: some solo shots, some group pix, blondes, reds, white meat, dark meat, just name your pleasure.

Hmmm. That tidbit of advice always turns me away from a thread. usually the dopefests aren’t near me and I don’t have access to chats from work (where I SDMB all day long). So I don’t have personal relationships with the people on this board. I usually stay out of the kissing booths and virtual marriage threads as well for the same reason.

Wow. I was always more of a thigh and breast guy, but like, wow . . . All the blondes!!
Tripler
I need more beer for this. Really, I do.

So… you’re saying, all I gots to do is have a link like this?

HOT! NAKED! BEACH ACTION!

Cool… sex does sell.

Is it just me or was that picture in oldscratch’s link mildly disturbing?

Now, I would be very impressed if you could get chicks on a beach. That would be talent right there. . .

Tripler
I don’t need a shrink. Really. . .

(hit the wrong damn button)

Oldie - next time could you warn someone if your link has a pic of two huge males going at it in full view on the beach?

:: Bump ::

Would someone hand me a tissue?

Long OPs are also a death knell for your thread.

This baby’s flatlining…

sigh Good times, good times my friends.

Jesus, Chiefy, that OP was fucking brilliant! (And how come I’M the first one to point that out, after a dozen silly chick puns???) If you do this kind of high quality work in your day job, you’re going to end up as the Ruler of the Queen’s Nayvee.

You should mention that profanity usually helps, too, especially in the Pit. Don’t depend on “fuck.” Too many folks use “fuck.” “Asshole,” however, is always pure gold.

See my many threads entitled “A Serious Discussion of the Outsider Art Movement” or “Death Imagery in ‘Sally Go Round the Roses’”, both of which died pathetic early deaths. On the other hand, “Assholes Who Don’t Like Dylan’s Voice” has well over a hundred posts in two days, and mucho views.

Mentioning Lard is also good.

Right. Get me all excited over nothing, Chiefy. Just like you do on a hot date with a woman.

You bastard.

Just kidding. Actually you made my morning! I love it; what a way to start a Friday! now I’ll be spending the next few minutes cleaning the mocha out of my keyboard, where it landed after coming out my nose!