Observations on cats and the squee constant

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My calculations all show that the squee level for cats is a constant. Cats have zero squee resistance, and should therefore all cause the maximum possible level of squee (which we will label c, for cat).

This is backed up by my empirical observations, since I have literally never met a cat that hasn’t maxed out my squee-meter.

I have, however, noticed that some cat scientists, on this board and elsewhere, sometimes differentiate between levels of squee for different cats (for instance, claiming to prefer fluffy cats to less fluffy cats, or, say, black cats to orange cats, or smaller cats to bigger cats, and so forth).

This seems absurd to me. While other cat attributes are, of course, infinitely variable, and can be explored endlessly for their ever shifting richness and mystery, the squee level, as I said, will always be precisely c. At least as far as I can tell.

What are your thoughts? Is something off about my model, or is it simply a matter of different philosophical interpretations?

Just wondering what the current state of the debate is on this in the cat science community. Any input is appreciated!

(BTW, I suppose that this should strictly speaking go in GQ, although I was also considering IMHO. Then I figured that MPSIMS seems to be the most fertile subforum for cat science debate, so here we are.)

2

Pics plz

3

I think you’re forgetting to multiply by the Greebo factor.

4

Also, despite being a lifelong cat lover, and kittens make my heart melt while human babies leave me cold, I’ve always thought that Grumpy Cat is a horror show and a travesty to catkind.

5

Grumpy Cat seems to be an ordinary kitty cat with an unusual face… and I’ve heard ,has a sweet disposition.

6

What the hell is squee?

7

As c is effectively a Boolean constant I question its relevance, if not its impeccable accuracy. What you describe is, effectively a CAT / NOT CAT filter, followed by, "If [CAT] then [SQUEE] else [meh].

Sort of like “fire = combustion” it tells us little empirically of your observation apart from the self-evident. Of greater interest is the associated variable denoting the duration of residual squee following the removal of c. This would allow us to define the merits relative to squee of a particular cat. For instance A(afterglow) = c * B (breaths above mean)/time

8

In your model, squee is a scalar variable. However, a vector squee may better fit the physical cat world. Squee may resolve more particularly into orthogonal components such as heart melting, and amusement, and motivation to surprise the cat in question.

That said, the number of degrees freedom of squee may not be obvious. For example with three orthogonal components, the amplitude SQRT(X^2 + y^2 + z^2) may be constant, so the amount of squee in an absolute sense is constant (consistent with your original conjecture) but the direction it takes is not; thus squee in n space may actually have (n-1) degrees of freedom.

9

Allow me to suggest that the website http://www.tinykittens.com might prove beneficial to your research needs.

Mama Cat Eve has a three day old litter in five assorted flavors, suitable for squee-testing purposes.