DO NOT WEAR KNEE HIGH BOOTS WITH CAPRI PANTS
so tacky, maybe its just New Jersey, but. . . .
Are any women (girls) actually giving these guys any action?
Men, please, sneakers that you cut the grass in, please, only wear them to cut the grass.
That greenish looking tint doesn’t mach anything you own…really.
To the fellow in out IT department:
I have a helpful tip for saving money. Instead of wearing the black trenchcoat, sandals, Osborne books t-shirt, and sun hat with “got root?” on it, instead get a t-shirt that says “I AM A BIG HONKIN GEEK.”
I’m telling you this, and I wear Boba Fett t-shirts. Take the hint.
Ladies: A white bra and a white shirt DON’T match. Flesh tone is what’s appropriate. Unless, of course, you want us to admire the lace, straps, and hooks that are all clearly visible through your shirt.
Honey, if your feet are as WIDE as they are LONG, those skinny, strappy sandals are not for you. Same goes for sandals that leave an inch and a half of space between the front end of your foot and the front end of your sandal.
On the flip side, if your toes are touching the ground in front of your sandals, either chop those bad boys off or get a bigger size!
Also, can we talk about the boots? I have toothpoicks for calves, and I have accepted that knee-high boots that don’t leave enough extra space for me to smuggle a litter of kittens in each boot are going to be a rarity for me.
So should Ye Of Ample Calves accept that knee-high boots that don’t function more like sausage casings (squeezing the excess up into your knees) are going to be a rarity for you.
Oh my. This really does feel rather pleasant.
So, to my ex-coworker: Those matte jersey pants you love so much make you look pregnant (how could you not know this, as concerned as you always are with whether or not you look fat?). And I’m not the only one who noticed, so don’t wear them to any more meetings or parties, especially not with those cropped sweaters and baby tees, mmmmkay?
Ahhhhhhhhhh. I feel better.
::standing ovation::
Best 70s reference of the month!
lorinada:
Understood. And your method of dealing sounds perfect to me.
Especially because I refuse, I utterly refuse, to wear slips. I think they’re superfluous, especially in the summer when the goal is to wear as little clothing as is decent. So I only buy skirts and dresses that are patterned enough or opaque enough that a slip is not mandatory for underwear concealment. And I loathe pantyhose/stockings. Luckily, I’ve worked 5 out of 7 years in places where the dress code was relaxed enough that I could avoid pantyhose, and I’m in one of those places now.
Guess that makes me a whore. Ah, well, I’ve been called worse.
This wasn’t meant to be a rant though. I saw this woman walking around with knee highs and a high slit in her skirt and thought it looked stupid. It would be considered rude of me to tell her this to her face so I just shared it with everyone here. Don’t you ever see people wearing things that just make you roll your eyes and laugh? Have fun with it!!
My next fashion tip is for the wannabe cowboys I’ve seen. Your cowboy hat isn’t supposed to be shaped like a taco and please buy boot cut jeans! Straight leg doesn’t work with cowboy boots!!
From Lyle Lovett’s That’s Right You’re Not from Texas
[quote]
You say you’re not from Texas
Man as if I couldn’t tell
You think you pull your boots on right
And wear your hat so well
So pardon me my laughter …
[snip]
So won’t you let me help you Mister
Just pull your hat down the way I do
And buy your pants just a little longer …
Thong bikinis are NOT appropriate at public beaches, pools! You are NOT a SE swimsuit model!!
Men: Speedos are never a good idea. And they are an especially bad idea when you are in your driveway washing the car. They don’t look sexy. They don’t look cute. They just look ridiculous.
Underwear is NOT outerwear.
Those pants (or other unsightly tight piece of clothing) are available in other sizes.
Caveat: If you do wear a thong, and people can STILL see the panty lines, then you should be buying pants that are either larger or less translucent.
-lv
“Mature” Men:If you constantly brag about wearing the same waist size you did in high school;please look in a mirror NOW! …there’s a 90% chance those pants are either up under your armpits or down around your knees.
Ladies:
If you do not have naturally thick, long eyelashes, clumping on gobs of mascara will not help matters at all. If you really want to have long and thick eyelashes, and applying mascara properly doesn’t do the trick: wear false ones and wear them properly.
Long talons for fingernails if done properly aren’t that bad, if a bit scary. However, long talons that are very obviously fake, not taken care of, and look like they have three feet of nail-glue piled on them do not look good. Even if you are a drag queen.
Addition to the above: long talons for toenails do not look good under any circumstances. Even more so when they extend past the tip of your footwear.
If you are wearing short-shorts or a micro-mini, please do not bend over at the waist unless you really are intending to show off your underwear (or lack thereof).
Addition to the above: if you are wearing a loose shirt and/or a low cut one, do not bend over unless you really want to show off your bra (or lack thereof). Not realizing that you’re showing off is one thing, not realizing it and getting offended when people attempt to politely point it out is another.
Men:
Your belt buckle should be pointing straight out. Not down at the ground. You merely look pathetic.
If you’re big and flabby (read: you couldn’t fit into a booth even if they greased ya), do not wear bib overalls that are too big, either in their girth or length (or worse: too big in both dimensions). Even more so if you’re so white, you make milk look dirt colored. And an additional even more so if your ‘tight whites’ are neither. (But if you do… please, please, for the love of everything good, do not bend over in any way, shape or form!!!) :eek:
<< Foo! >>
can I get an amen? Same goes for the sole shelf hangin off the back.
And if it’s nail fungus, yellow callouses and hammertime, might
wanna skip those strappy little numbers all together!
Exactly!
I am of ample calvage, and choose to spare myself, my esteemed peers and darling friends kielbasa sightings thoughout
the duration of the knee-high boot craze.
You’ve got to * A-CC-ENT-UATE the positive!*
To my band director:
You’re not fooling anyone. That shirt is clearly pink. Just admit it already. It’s not like you don’t own five other pink shirts…so why does the color of this particular shirt matter?
And that brown jacket/black pants combination really doesn’t work. Really. No one will be disappointed if you break years of tradition and wear a black jacket instead.
To the people who picked out a local marching band’s uniforms:
Yellow jackets with reddish accents are bad enough. Why on Earth did you choose to add a purple sequined sash on top? The poor students.
jessica
What if I don’t have a tail in the back?
http://fff.fathom.org/pages/opalcat/baldpinksmile.jpg