A few years ago I lived in Lewisham, a delightful part of south east London. Around my flat were a number of, shall we say, interesting businesses. There was the crack house masquerading as a pool hall, the laundry that was actually a Turkish gambling den and the barber’s where the little “something for the weekend” came in eighths or quarters.
The most intriguing place however was slightly further away down the hill. It was a small independant takeaway, of the kind that caters suspicious meat to the post-pub crowd. After a while it was taken over by new management who decided to rename it “Panda Kebab Takeaway”.
Clearly I was neither the first, nor the last, to drop in one evening and, in slurred speech, order a panda kebab. The continuous stream of boozed-up comedians must have got through to the owner because a short while after the sign was amended. It now read “Panda and Kebab Takeaway”.
I’m thinking that this did not help since when I went in and asked for a battered panda to take away, then collapsed in a fit of giggles, the staff had the world weary air of people who’d seen it all before.
So, what businesses operate in your area whose names simply make you wonder: “What on Earth were they thinking?”
MindLeap
A group of incompetents trying to teach professional graphic artists how to do their job better. No one in the company other than me had ever even OPENED Photoshop or any other graphics program, and I was just the sys admin, not one of the “trainers”.
Of course we went out of business in under a year.
MindCreak, MindLeak, I could have thought of a better name…
Mr zoogirl’s uncle used to work at Dick’s Lumber. Wood, anyone?
I lived across the street from the Ticky-Poo Laundromat. I do believe it’s still there.
On Kingsway, in Burnaby, there’s a sign for a dentist - Dr. P.K.Ow!
I also used to get a giggle over on the docks in North Vancouver. Burrard Erections or possibly Erectors. I think they had something to do with cranes, but still…!
There’s a wholesale food distributor in Indianapolis called McFarling Foods, which is a perfectly good name. However, the stylized font used on their trucks makes you think it’s ‘McFarting Foods’.
There’s a Dr. Rotty, Dentist near where I work.
And I’ve driven by Bunghole Liquors often enough. I’ll agree that it makes some sense, but even in the context of wine casks and liquors, “Bunghole” doesn’t seem all that attractive or appealing. And some people use the term in a context that’s downright repellent. Not my ideal choice for a wineshop name.
This isn’t about a double-entendre name, it’s about illiteracy and signmaking, maybe my #1 pet peeve.
In Tallahassee, there is a hairdressing salon that you would think is named after the African grasslands - but the business is registered and signed as “The Veltd.” Apparently, not one person, from the owner, to any of the employees, the customers, the licensing bureau or the signmaker or anyone they know, had any inkling that they were referring to the veldt. You don’t know how I have been tempted to call them up and ask what the heck a “velt(e)d” is, just to hear the answer.
And then, there’s the store that sells nothing but bonsai. I never see anyone go in or come out, but you have to wonder, how much of a market for bonsai is there, anyway? We speculate that it is a front for some illegal operation, or a tax writeoff. And what about the store that only sells beads? How do places like this stay in business? How do they sell enough beads to pay the rent and utilities every month
