Holy shit, I could have written this.
Therapy is for people that need to work thru complex issues in a safe setting with someone that can be objective.
It si not about ‘abnormal psychology’ in and of itself - and even if it were - the things you describe would fall under that - since it is ‘outside the norm’.
Not that this makes soemthing ‘wrong’ with your choices for you - but the simple fact that you have so many misconceptions, questions, etc - you need someone to talk with.
I couldn’t have written it, exactly, but… Wow.
That post was, on the whole, an entirely different kettle of fish from what came before. That was more eloquent than most of this board.
Umbridge, next tip, since you’re on board with the paragraph thing: Smaller portions. Fewer words and thoughts at a time. Don’t flood us. Breathe a bit.
Maybe your questions aren’t as weird as I thought. Maybe it’s just the presentation.
Here on the internet, you should find that a lot of us have stories of extreme shyness and alienation and fantasies like this from our childhood. I used to pretend I was a Vulcan from Star Trek to make myself feel more comfortable in my position as a constant outsider in school.
This is also a common phenomenon among children of immigrants. I went through a long period of wanting to be “just American” and trying to remove myself from the language, background, and customs that made me different from the people around me.
A lot of young people experiment socially to see where they fit in and how, what kind of people they want to be, what kind of lives they want to live. I have to say, your experimentation seems to be much more disciplined than I have encountered before.
This is one thing that you are completely wrong about. The kinds of questions you have about human relationships and anxieties you have about society are exactly the kind of thing that is appropriate for talking with a professional.
Nah, I get what **Umbridge **is saying. I may be on her side on this one. At least from the outset.
I’m a freaking weirdo, too. But I’m weird, not nuts. I’m weird by way of who I am and by way of my choices. I don’t want to hear that I’m “see a professional” weird. At least not this early in a relationship.
Umbridge, if you want to talk with us, talk with us. Just think conversation, not series of performance art monologues.
Therapy isn’t just for people who are “nuts.” It’s also for people who have serious anxieties about human interaction, ones that prevent them from entering into intimate relationships well into their 20s.
I certainly feel more comfortable suggesting talking to a professional rather than advice from an anonymous message board that she just needs to go to a bar and find a desperate horny dude and let him fuck you. That seems fraught with all kinds of unforeseeable risks.
I’m fine with that.
Christians are not the only religion of people who shelter their kids. But, okay, thank you for clarifying
Hmmm…not so sure I agree with you. First of all, I suspect you have rather higher than average intelligence, reading your words. But also, I still suspect you may be somewhere on the spectrum. You may not need intervention for it, you may be happy and functional enough in most areas of life to decide you don’t need assistance (but if you’re too anxious to go dancing after taking dance lessons, I’m thinking you’re not as okay as you think you are.) But, logically, if you’ve gone through life without mental health professionals, then the most you can say is that you don’t know if you’re on the spectrum. You’ve never been assessed.
Absolutely. Troll is actually the lowest on my list of guesses. I think you’re pretty fascinating and sincere. I think it’s mostly a matter of delivery, not intent or even content, that provokes people. So that’s up to you. Some conformity with cultural norms is required to interact with other people. So either you do that, or you don’t. This post is a great start.
Yep. Higher than average intelligence, definitely. And also…been there. Of course, I didn’t get there until my early 20s, when I figured out that all this stuff about The Meaning of Life was entirely meaningless, and Life was only going to have the Meaning that I gave it.
Me too! Finding the sweet spot between interesting questions and not scaring people away is a real challenge. See above re: cultural norms.
Nope. Therapy is also for anyone who is having difficulties with, for example, forming social relationships. At your age, that is abnormal. It’s not terminally abnormal and not necessarily the result of mental illness, but it’s still in the wheelhouse of therapy. Psychology is applied sociology in many respects. A therapist can be illuminating about how social groups work and how your behaviors are preventing you from assimilating while maintaining the integrity of your sense of self.
Absolutely.
Oh sure, me too. I’m a creep. I’m a weirdo. I’m always thinking “What the hell am I doing here? I don’t belong here.”
I do remember hearing that the quick in out thrusting tends to be in areas where men are generally circumcised, and a slower method is used in areas where most men are uncircumcised.
The theory is that circumcision reduced the pleasure by removing a very sensitive part so a more intense way of having sex compensates for that.
Also some level of stimulation would be needed for most men to be able to ejaculate, I don’t think they could just lay there ‘connected’ together and expect the desired result.
moving in circles?
Pelvic thrusting in males, or “The Thrusts” are completely involuntary and can sometimes manifest themselves in unfortunate situations. If a male is overcome with “The Thrusts” it is advised that he remove himself to a safe and solitary environment and that for others in the immediate area to seek a safe environment themselves. Sometimes due to unforeseen circumstance a safe environment can not be achieved and others in the males vicinity may be put at risk. In such a situation it is advised that others cover their pelvic regions with something in their vicinity like their purse or briefcase. In some very unfortunate situations when a male is overcome with “The Thrusts” there is no time to cover ones pelvic region and there is no where to escape to and “The Thrusts” can become so powerful that sometimes the thrusting can penetrate cloths and that is why accidental buttsecks happens.
Those participating in the behavior described above should be aware of the slight risk of penile fracture.
In the original post, I wrote a complaint/long rant about my frustration of not receiving a satisfying response to my questions about sex and the invasion of privacy I felt when responders attempted to poke into my personal life and sexual beliefs and viewpoints, questioning my sexual experience, which I thought was irrelevant. If people assumed that I was a virgin, I actually thought they would not take me seriously. Instead, I wanted people to think that I was not a virgin, so they would take me seriously and discuss the mechanics of sex in a physiological manner. I was afraid that by admitting that I was a virgin, people would wonder why I had not had sex before. I also regret admitting my age, because that actually surprised some people. My reason for inquiring was to describe the entire process of heterosexual sexual intercourse physiologically as a way to describe sex like a Romance novelist with explicit physiological insight. I knew that sex, religion, and politics were not polite discussions before, but I thought this question was different and more academically driven.
That said, I am not as sexually “naive” as some people think I am. As a matter of fact, I recently simulated missionary sex and did a vaginal self-examination with a handheld mirror and flashlight.
First, I took a shower, because I maintain good personal hygiene every night. I dressed myself in a nightgown without underwear, because if I were having sex, I would probably have to take it off somehow. Besides, it felt more comfortable that way. I climbed onto my bed and turned off the lights. Under my bed blankets, I lifted my nightgown and exposed my genitalia. As I reclined on the bed, I lifted my feet from the bed sheet and parted my legs, because I knew that was the missionary position. I wondered how long I had to maintain that position, because it felt chilly without underwear and my legs were getting tired. I had read that sex would last for five minutes or so, but I couldn’t even last for one minute. I also lifted my hips, because I had read that the hips were lifted slightly. It was quite physically strenuous, believe it or not, but at least I partly understood why sex was a good exercise and could burn calories.
What was that you were saying about an “invasion of privacy?”
It’s pretty much impossible to converse with you about sex and desire unless you actually talk about your feelings - real feelings - about sex and desire. What sexual feelings do you have? Do you feel sexual desire? Do you masturbate? Do you have orgasms? What thoughts/sights/sounds/etc arouse you? These are personal but not trivial questions. Is your curiosity about sex “merely” intellectual, or do you actually want to experience these amazing feelings and intimacy?
You would probably not have to hold your feet off the bed the whole time. And I learned that for longer events (yes, in some situations, coitus can continue for quite a while), we found that a missionary variant, where the man straddles one of the woman’s legs, can not only be more comfortable for longer (and the man’s weight will be distributed differently), it tends to realign the genitals in such a way that the shaft of the penis slides along the clitoris with each stroke; and it feels like there is deeper penetration, which, IME, tends to be a thing that both partners like.
Also, if you are actually engaged in coitus, you almost certainly will not be feeling chilled – unless you are doing it in the garage floor in January. Afterwards you might, though. Really, if the idea sex causes you so much anxiety, you might as well just go with a turkey baster.
Yeah. I’m still not sure exactly what the OP’s question is, but now I suddenly want a cigarette.
I tried that once, in my teens. Turns out that you can’t really fake knowledge of this stuff, and when you try to, you end up sounding like a weirdo.
And trying to understand sex without any hands-on experimentation is probably a bit like explaining color to a blind person. Any discourse on the subject pretty much always assumes that you already know at least something about the matter in a physical sense. If nothing else, from your own body, even if it hasn’t bumped into anyone else’s. And the more academic and mechanical you get, the further you get from the real-life experience of it.
I suppose an emotionally disinterested dissertation about the mechanics of sex is a bit like explaining a joke. Which is like dissecting a frog. No one thinks it’s all that funny, and the frog dies.
As Dewey Finn points out, it’s really mostly about desire. Take that out of the equation, and you’re missing almost the whole point.
If nothing else, I think that your current approach may result in some pretty interesting experimental literature. You certainly have a way with words.
But, again, what is your actual question? Is it, “What is sex like”? Maybe I could tell you, but I suspect that I can’t unless you already know at least something about sexual desire. Or is it something like “What is the optimal angle of approach for a male human employing the missionary position to maximize the chances of fertilizing a human female?” I have no idea, I doubt that the question really makes sense, why are you asking, and is this dead frog yours? And the answer certainly won’t tell you anything about what sex is like.
Maybe you should start with a single, completely specific question, and we could take it from there?
Sorry if this has been asked before, Umbridge, but do you have Asperger’s? You seem much more focused on the mechanics of sex than the whole emotional and psychological reasons people have sex.
It’s like analyzing the arm positions involved in hugging rather than focusing on the fact that a hug signifies affection. Or like talking about the chemical composition of tears rather than focusing on the fact that crying signifies sadness.
I ask about Asperger’s with alll due respect; no mockery at all.
I really don’t mean to be mean, but if Perd Hapley wrote to Penthouse Letters, it would sound a lot like this.
Mostly intellectual.
Actually, while I tried to lift my hips, I could not hold it for long and instantly was dropped back down. However, I noticed that the movement of the hips might have resembled the female pelvic thrust. Therefore, I speculated that the female pelvic thrust might be a voluntary movement, with the original goal being as an attempt to bring the vagina closer to the penis, pleasure secondary.
Are the motions of sex (the pelvic thrusts, assuming the correct position and angling in order to execute a desired sex act such as anal or vaginal sex, the French kissing) really out of intuition or experience? How does one KNOW that the penis goes into the vagina at the moment of sex? Can the penis accidentally slip into the anus, or is anal sex or vaginal sex deliberate choices?
Homosexual sexual intercourse may get more complicated, because it is clear that there is no reproduction involved. Hence complicated. I think we as a society are beginning to understand more of this sexuality every day. But to make it simpler, let’s focus on heterosexual sex.