Umbridge, this may be an odd question, but are you sad? Because I’m sort of picking up sadness from you, but I could simply be getting it confused with a lack of emotion (at least a lack of it in your posts).
Are you sad? Are you happy? Are you crying? Are you laughing? Do you long for something? Do you crave something? Or are you chipper and basically OK?
Just wondering. I’m sometimes blunt and dumb, and step on people’s toes and hurt their feelings without meaning too. And I don’t really want to do that.
(Yes, BTW, feelings are located in the toes. That’s an odd physiological fact. Anyway.)
Experience, in my case. With the first boy I wanted to have sex with, we couldn’t figure it out. I didn’t know I needed to lift my knees, nor did he, so we were trying to achieve penetration with my legs extended and spread apart. While this is possible with practice, it isn’t easy. (Usually you will lift your knees to allow penetration and then carefully extend your legs while the penis is inside you, if you want the straight legged position. Then he withdraws only most of the way before thrusting in again. If he pulls all the way out, it’s difficult or impossible to get the penis back in with the legs down and straight.)
With my second attempted partner, he’d already had sex, so he knew to guide my knees up and apart for entry. So I learned that through experience. I don’t know that is true of everyone. I didn’t watch any pornography, for instance, that I might have learned by observation.
Most of us know because our parents or some kid on the playground told us how babies are made, I think.
Yes, if there is lots of lubrication, the penis may accidentally hit the anus, and if the thrusting is hard, it may go in. But the anus is pretty tight, and full penetration often takes lots of artificial lube and a slow approach. For most of us, especially most of us new to anal sex, it’s fairly painful, but in a good way. That phrase means nothing to you right now, I realize that. (See: has to be experienced to be understood.)
There are some assholes who will intentionally “slip” and try to have anal sex without permission and preparation. These men should not be dated, and should be invited to kiss your ass as they leave your bed. Assholes.
No, homosexual sex isn’t more complicated. 97% of homosexual sex is just like heterosexual sex: mouths, hands and toys where they feel good on the whole body, including the genitals. There is only one maneuver that is exclusively homosexual male sex, and that’s anal sex while stimulating the receiver’s penis with your hand (“a reach around”). There is only one maneuver that is exclusively homosexual female sex, and that is rubbing vulvas together. Anything else gay people can do can be, and is, done by straight people. And those two exclusive maneuvers are not done by all homosexual partners, so there’s a good chance that gay sex is almost exactly like the sex you will be having someday, minus penis-in-vagina.
A pillow, rolled towel or a wedge under your hips can help with your endurance during the missionary position.
My guess is mostly intuition, a little bit of experience. I suppose you could teach a robot how to do those things. But you don’t really need to teach a human. A human may fumble a bit on the first couple of tries, but after that you should be mostly fine. It seems pretty instinctual to me.
From a male perspective: How do you KNOW that you’re sticking your finger into a pound of half-melted butter? Um, you’ll notice. I can’t really tell you the female perspective, but my impression is that my partners tend to notice, too.
(BTW, see? Dead frog.)
Accidental anal sex? Can’t say it has ever happened to me, as far as I know. It’s tight back there. Well, unless you prepare the surface with the aforementioned half-melted butter, in which case I suppose that you could get it mixed up in the heat of the moment.
Again, that’s the male perspective. I think the receptive partner would notice pretty darn quick, though.
Pro tip for everyone: Don’t ever, EVER confuse pornography with practical sexual instruction or relationship advice. Why most porn is so awfully stupid is a mystery to me, but it most assuredly is awfully stupid.
This is very interesting to me. As I said above, sex has always felt very instinctual to me, and not something that I’ve had to think about to figure out how to do.
Just goes to show how different people are.
I probably should have been more aware of this with some of my partners, especially in the early days. I don’t think it was a big issue for any of them either, but it might explain a thing or two.
That’s certainly true! At least from the female perspective, the stuff that looks good on camera rarely feels good in person. For one thing, there’s not enough clitoral stimulation when your whole vulva is exposed to air (and camera). For another, do NOT f’ing cum on my face unless you ask first (asshole.)
“Stop” should always be enough. If it isn’t, and you don’t want the penis to be there, you need to report it to the police as rape.
For most people, most of the time, sex is a collaborative activity that involves trust, communication, and often love. If your experience has been different, I’m very sorry. That sucks. You get to decide what enters your bodily orifices, no one else.
Not only this, but accidental anal sex is quite difficult. It might be easy to slip and have the tip of the penis touch around the anal opening, but unless you are using a degree of violent force that is rarely part of consensual sex, it’s almost impossible for the penis to accidentally actually enter the anus.
I would take it further and say don’t date anyone who has a thing for coming on your face. But I guess that could be just my perspective, and other people’s may vary.
That’s one of the stupid things about pornography that I actually kind of figured out after a while. I couldn’t understand the point of those facial cumshots, until I realized that I was looking at something very different than I thought I was. In porn, at least, it’s not about eroticism at all, it’s about domination. And often of a very misogynistic variety.
No, I do not have Asperger’s. I have seen people with Asperger’s, and they act a certain way. As far as I know, I do not show any signs of Asperger’s in real life.
I confess that my interest in this matter stems out of the desire to know what “normal adults do” for fun. I have only encountered one college student at a party, and he was the first person I witnessed who was obviously horny. Everything he talked about was alluding to sex, especially gay sex. Self-isolated, I thought his horniness was peculiar to me. He seemed very affectionate around his best friend and roommate, also male, that I thought they had a very sexual relationship too. Meanwhile, his best friend was certainly not as horny as he was. He asked his friend sexually suggestive questions like, “can I lick your finger?” and motioned toward his friend’s pelvic region, both of which were denied.
As Martian Bigfoot says, if “stop” isn’t enough, you are being raped. You do whatever you have to in order to get out of there safely. For most men, that means a louder “STOP” and bucking them off. For a violent rapist who refuses to stop…whew, honey, I hope you’re never in that situation. Do what you need to in order to not be killed, and then go to the police as soon as possible for a rape kit.
If I could offer a analogy, it would be a bit like asking about how to make a pizza and researching the temperature that is optimal for each and every ingredient to cook at. You’re overcomplicating things, as long as you’re interested most sex and most pizzas come out fine as long as you have the basics down.
Speak for yourself as far as the pizza is concerned. I suck at cooking. My pizzas turn out awful.
That said, if I had the motivation to improve my pizza making skills, then, yeah, I think trying to make more pizzas, and focusing on what I like on a pizza and what makes it yummy to me, would teach me a whole lot more than researching the history of the tomato and the chemical composition of flour.
There are a few things working against this. In many cases, the woman is nominally aroused but only wet enough in the inner folds of her vulva, which is kind of typical for first encounters; since she wants to do this thing, she will reach down, adjust herself, and guide the man whither he needs to go. If she is highly aroused, meaning very wet (which is often the case after cunniligus), the man will slide right in. As others have said, if you do not want anal sex, and your partner is not a rapist, you will not have anal sex, it takes a lot of preparation.
What you are missing is the emotional component. If you meet someone you like and you bond with them, you might feel inclined to have sex with them; you simply cannot understand how this works until you experience it. If you have trouble bonding with people (men), you could easily remain a virgin for quite a long time; if that does not bother you personally, do not try to make it happen just because you think it ought to and you are tired of waiting. In other words, be yourself, love yourself first.
Which is not to suggest masturbation, I meant just try to find a headspace where you feel good about yourself. Get there and you have a better chance of having a good intimate relationship with someone else – even non-physical intimacy (being so close to someone that you feel like you could tell them anything) can be very satisfying.
Although, you might find masturbation an enlightening experience. Just understanding full orgasm first hand will help you understand a little more of what sex is about. You probably think it immoral, or that god kills kittens when you masturbate, which would be unfortunate, to have this question and the means to explore it but not doing so.
You’re not describing something that would ordinarily be described as “horny.” He was behaving in s sexually suggestive manner. That doesn’t mean he felt a strong urge to have sex at that moment.
The first narrative about rape I ever read was Speak, by Laurie Halsey Anderson. It was about a high school girl who got raped while drunk at a party. She knew her rapist, but remained mute in school after the rape.
The second narrative was To Kill A Mockingbird, by Harper Lee. It had a rape case, and rape was defined as the “carnal knowledge of a female”, if I remember correctly.
Rape is commonly depicted as a man forcing sex on a woman, rarely the reverse. In such a stereotypical case, I wonder if it would count as rape when the woman approaches near-orgasm and then yells, “stop” but the male can’t stop because an erection may imply an orgasm too, which is a stage when the sex partner may lose control. I am not sure, but I may have heard in high school health class that in the human sexual response cycle, orgasm is the time period of loss of control or no-stopping-point-until-refractory-period.
There is very little time during sex when a man cannot remove himself from your body. I’d go so far as to say never, as coitus interruptus has a long history of use as contraception. Very young men may have trouble controlling themselves, but it can (and should) be learned.
While you may find a judge that would throw that out as “not rape”, in general you shouldn’t think of it that way. If either partner, at any time, says stop, then stop is what should happen.
ETA: Oh, and women can certainly rape men. Erections are not always voluntary, and forcing a man to penetrate you is possible. It’s just as heinous as men raping women.
Don’t underestimate the power of food science and organic chemistry. Researching the chemical composition of flour may help engineer better, healthier Triticum aestivum plants, which may improve nutrition in that pizza.
