I’m glad to see that I’m not the only person terrified of something that’s about a million times smaller than I am and pretty much defenseless.
The one and only time I saw a cockroach in my house, I had an advance warning. I was sitting in my dimly lit bedroom reading and I heard a skittering, scratching noise above me. I though perhaps it was the cat in the upstairs apartment. But the skittering moved lower and closer. Bravely, I ignored it. I heard it a third time. I left the room to chat with my housemate Patrick. When I returned, the beast was in my doorway. I narrowly avoided stepping on it, leapt onto my bed and called out for Patrick in a voice full of fear.
Being the manly man that he is, Patrick came running. (Also, he said later, he’d never heard me use that tone of voice, and hopes to never hear it again). Though taken aback by the sheer size of the thing, Patrick was able to conquer it with several magazines and a heavy shoe. Meanwhile, I was curled up in a little ball on my bed, whimpering.
While my parents lived near New Orleans, the occasional Palmetto bug would find its way under the garage door. Once inside, the bug was then essentially a cat toy.
Once, way back during the days when I was really poor, I lived in a not~very~nice section of a small Florida town. Apartments, cheap rent, that sort of thing. Anyway, one day I hear this rumbling noise outside of something on casters being pushed. So I peek out the window, and see a neighbor rolling this old cabinet TV out to the dumpster. Okay, nothing too unusual. Then, ten minutes later, I hear the SAME noise. Another neighbor is rolling this thing into his house. Five more minutes pass, and a woman starts SCREAMING. LOUDLY. And I hear that rumbling caster noise again. This time, I walk out to see what it is all about, and notice HUNDREDS of roaches/palmettos/German roaches falling out of the television as he rolls it back to the dumpster.
Then there was the time I was stung by a scorpion three times in the Adams’ Apple…
Thank you for making me want to pack up and move to the far North. I’ve always liked the cold better anyway. [sub]Bunch of gloaters! [/sub]
Thank you for warning me about Waterbugs and Fishflies. And frothing earwigs.
Thank you for reminding me that I am indeed lucky to not have been living in Washington DC when the cicada cycle reached “overdrive.”
Thank you for sharing the mental image of a mouse eating a cockroach. That made me almost more ill than the actual falling-on-my-lap bit.
Thank you for pointing out that those buggers usually swarm. Now I’m convinced that there is a nest of them right above my head, eagerly planning their next bombing.
And thank you for introducing the possibility of radioactive mutant roaches.
Because deep down inside, in places you don’t care to admit, you find the thought of a reincarnated cockroach slamming head first onto manual typewriter keys and talking to a cat claiming to be the reincarnation of Cleopatra herself so cute you can’t wait to run to Borders and buy “Archy and Mehetibel” by Don Marquis. Just a guess.
I’ve worked in so many restaurants and lived in so many hovels that cockroaches are almost kin. There are none in stately Spritle Manor and never will be.
Couple of cycles ago I got to enjoy a traditional dish of stir fried cicadas. Not bad, certailnly not a very destinct taste, tho. Munch. Crunch
Chocolate covered ant, anyone?
Ewwwwww, all these stories of roaches and bugs getting on people’s hands and walls and clothes and stuff is just disgusting. What could possibly be worse?
Well, I’ll tell you.
A few years ago, I was doing some work in the kitchen of an old lady’s house. I was on my hands and knees, peering inside of a half-rotted cabinet on the floor. I put my hand in to check the bottom shelf…
Before I could blink, a small brown rat ran out, went over my hand and right up my arm before jumping off my shoulder. I definitely had a slight case of the Willies after that. Brrrrr.
Welcome to the South, baby…
I have lived in Charleston, SC all of my life. Right now I have the pleasure of living in a 100-year old house downtown on the peninsula. There is not a single house within 10 miles that doesn’t have roaches. And I’m talking about the snooty mega-rich 3 and 4 million dollar houses on the Battery, also. You just can’t get away from them in the South.
My only horrific moment actually occurred in Savannah, GA. And it wasn’t a roach. (I’m used to them by now.)
My then-fiance (now ex) was living in an apartment on the edge of Forsythe Park. I went to visit him for the weekend, and we were just hanging out in the living room, minding our own business.
Then, I saw it.
There was a VERY LARGE spider crawling ever-so-slowly up the wall. This spider was as large as a dinner plate. I have never seen one that big since, and hope never to see one ever again.
Well, fiance tries to kill said spider with broom. No dice…
Fiance moves to using fireplace shovel. Cheap brass imitation, breaks upon contact with the wall.
Fiance, tired of my hysterical shouts of “KILL IT NOW!” finally resorts to short-handled sledge hammer. Spider takes the hit, hits the floor, and attempts to crawl under couch. Still moving, fiance freaks out and smashes the hell out of it with the sledge hammer. Large hole in floor ensues, landlord keeps deposit. (Keep it buddy, and your damn spider watch dogs!)
Euugh… and now I am supposed to go to lunch after all this?!?
Anybody ever see a movie from 1977 called Damnation Alley? People going cross country after a nuclear war or something, had George Peppard and Paul Winfield. One place this group comes to has, unbeknownst to them, cockroaches that have mutated(become VERY large and carnivorous). They swarm out, catch Winfield in a car, and have him for lunch. Peppard, in an awful southern accent, speaks into a walkie-talkie and has this immortal line, “This town is full of killah cockroaches!”
I also had to evict a bat once. Kinda cute, though, even if it did make nasty hissing noises at me.
The cockroach was definitely nasty. I live in Michigan and it nearly made me move even further to the north…what is it about roaches that make us climb up the walls? I was 160 lbs, solid muscle, 5 years martial arts training and a little bug had me gibbering in fear…weird…
I have a nomination for what could be worse, also. This didn’t happen to me, but it happened to a guy I met (we’ll call him Bob, cuz I don’t remember his name).
Bob was returning to his apartment one evening. There were moths everywhere that night, but of course, moths are harmless so he didn’t think anything of it. Until a big one of them flew right next to his head and he swatted it. Swatted it directly into his ear.
Being a moth, it was terrified and did what any of us would do when encountering a scary situation. It crawled deeper into his ear. And all of Bob’s attempts to remove the moth frighted it more.
Needless to say, Bob ended up in the emergency room. (Warning: Cockroach reference follows!) After removing the moth, the doctors told Bob that normally they don’t see moth infested ears. They see cockroaches in ears. Supposedly it’s a nice warm safe place and they like to crawl in while we’re asleep.
You know when you go to close an old envelope or use an old stamp and there’s no more stuff on the envelope flap or the stamp to get all sticky when you lick it? You ever wonder where that stuff went? Hint: the roaches know.
Come see Bunny’s place of work. The awesome, the frightening, the truly horrifying…
DEPARTMENT OF ENTOMOLOGY, home to bugs rare and mundane!
Come tour the Bug House, where a gruesome display awaits your eyes (get back, boy, you’re wrinklin’ the suit). Bugs dead and pinned, awaiting your fearless review. Bugs living, casting fear into the hearts of mere mortals.
Yes, see the most fearsome insects from around the world! See the revolting Madagascar Hissing Cockroach! Stare at the wonder that is the Red-Kneed Tarantula! Get the willies from strange walking sticks and giant millepedes. (Ladies, consider passing this attraction by if not escorted by a gentleman).
But that’s not all, today, today only, meet people who actually TOUCH bugs for a living! Yes, these freaks of nature regularly, on a daily basis, have physical contact with loathsome hexipedal beasts (who said that word first? Free pass for you, my friend).
No pushing, admittance is a paltry single carmel Starbucks cappacinno (heavy on the whipcream) for Bunny.
