Not one damn spoon in the entire house !
I’m surprised he left the breadcrumbs;
To feed our little mouse.
Oh Ive got two cheese graters;
And dust-bunnies to spare.
But leave a spoon for my Waffle Crisp ?
Why, he wouldn’t dare.
Yes he took the dining table, toaster oven, microwave, and TV;
But the only dishes he left were dirty, as far as I can see.
Oh he didn’t forget the can openers, George Foreman Grill or Ginsu knives;
But he wouldn’t take that rusted-out, beat-up, petrified, ten-speed if
it would save his life.
I’ve got junk-filled boxes, dirty towels and dingy rugs;
Ashes in the fireplace and plenty of dead bugs.
I counted 57 twist-ties, 2 empty bottles of Windex;
A container of Oxy-Kleen {which had exploded in a mess).
33 other widgets bought at the Mervyns Employee Sale.
16 half-burned candles, broken glass - and 14 rusted nails.
He forgot to bring the scrapes and scratches on the apartment floor;
But why am I not surprised he left the hole in our front door ?
Oh he took just about everything;
(Of course the Ab-Roller I can do without).
But not one tiny spoon !
Dude ! Whats that all about ?
Maybe you hadnt noticed, but I’m not young and able.
Do I look like I can eat my cereal with this oxidized Soup Ladle ?
I can hear the heating bill dropping quickly;
And the electric bill feels light.
I guess that’s what happens;
When you don’t leave the TV on all night.
Dont get me wrong now:
Some things about him I will surely miss.
Like stealing Quarters from his bedroom, when he goes to take a piss.
(Or when I trick his girlfriend into giving me a kiss).
…and this marks the end of my little dis.
In case you were wondering, everything in this poem is 100% true.