In talking with several women over the years and after reading a few threads here on this board (including the Are you shallow? thread), I’ve noticed that height* in men is used by many as a first indicator of whether a man is potentially dateable material. Why is this? Does it stem from a time way back when physical size determined how well a man would be able to provide for/protect his spouse and family?
Excepting some pro sports, that doesn’t hold true today. So why does height still seem to figure into first time perceptions? Do women expect to be the physically smaller or shorter one in a relationship? In this age of sexual equality (in western culture at least), I’d think that a height requirement would seem arcahaic.
And this seems not to hold with just women. I’ve heard several men say that they wouldn’t date a woman taller than they were. I don’t get it. I recently saw a youngish woman at a bar who was easily a few inches taller than me and who was quite attractive. Had I been in the market, I definitely would have chatted her up.
So what gives, people? Does size really matter (when it comes to height)? I’d be interested in hearing from the gay/bi community as well to see if height perceptions hold when relating to the passive/dominant relationships between the same gender.
And here I thought heighth was still in common use today. It’s not. Interesting site, BTW.
At less than 5’6", I’ve noticed that a lot of people notice my height (or relative lack thereof). I’ve also been told that I’m too short to be worthy of dating on a number of occasions…though typically not that in a way that sounds quite that nasty.
I suspect that height is just another of the physical aspects that various people can have a preference for. I dated a gal for a while that was a shade over 6 feet tall who was attracted to me in part because of my height. I don’t feel it a personal insult if someone isn’t interested in me because I’m short. Nobody should have to apologize because they have particular preferences in various physical criteria.
Yes, the man has to be taller than me. Luckily for me, I’m 5 foot, so it’s not really a problem. When I was younger, they had to be a LOT taller. I think this probably had to do with some primitive procreation thing: I hated being short, and didn’t want to have short children.
Now I have procreated, and come to terms with my height, I’d prefer a man who didn’t give me a crick in my neck when I kiss him.
I agree with Zephyrine that I want the man to be at least a bit taller than me. But, since I’m a mere 5’3", the vast majority of men are. I used to be very into tall men. My first husband was 6’5". But after my divorce, and dating another 6’5" man who turned out to be no great shakes in anything but height, I revised my opinion. I started to notice how inordinately proud of themselves very tall men are-- as if being tall was some sort of accomplishment that they had to work really hard for. My first husband and I really looked ridiculous together due to the 14" difference in our height. My new and much improved husband is 5’8", and I’m finding things a lot better this time around. It’s nice to be able to lay my head on my husband’s shoulder instead of being nose level with his armpits.
I dont have the source, but I read more than once, that 99% of all american wives are shorter than their husbands.
That would indicate that heigth, more than any other factor, is the most important criteria that women have in choosing their mates(criminals, drug users, homosexuals, poor dancers, aetheists or different religion, poor men, wife beaters, men with health problems, ugly men, etc are all more commonly married than men who are shorter than the woman)
Back when I was dating (I’m married now) I tended to date men at the shorter end of the spectrum. I’m pretty short myself, so maybe these guys saw me and thought that maybe they’d have a chance, seeing as they were always a bit taller than me. However, I know that at least one of the guys I dated liked taller women, too. He was about 5’3" or 5’4", and after we drifted apart I frequently saw him with a woman who was about 6’.
I think that part of it is because we somewhat expect the males to be older in a traditional male/female pair. Most of us start dating in high school, and that’s just about when guys will get their second major growth spurt, between sophomore and junior years, if I remember correctly. Some will get the growth spurt a couple of years earlier, some a few years later, and most continue to grow (and grow, and grow) for a while, but in high school, it seemed like all the guys shot up in that summber between their sophomore and junior years. That’s also when a lot of them turned 16, and got their driver’s licenses. A guy without a car or at least access to a car to drive is just not nearly as datable as a guy with a set of car keys.
Yeah, but did YOU?? end up “marrying” a man taller or shorter than you?
At least you were fortunate if you are short, since you had a lot more men to go out with, to get to know, and to consider for marraige.
Taller women can be severely limited in the smaller numbers of men who are taller than they are, and thus have less chance of finding a good man - who must also be taller than she is. The taller a woman is, the smaller the pool of men from which she could end up marrying.
Not only does a man have to be just barely taller, but he preferably should be taller when the woman is wearing high heels - its much better(though not absolutely necessary) if he is at least 3-4 inches taller.
Tall men can date nearly any woman, a short guy has “smaller” chances.
Todays women are taller than a generation ago, so finding a husband is a lot harder today. Additionally, with women outnumbering men in college, it is also much harder today for a young woman to find a man who is not only taller, but better educated and makes more money than she does as in the old days.
Not too many women really want to marry down, step down “lower” to a “shorter” rung on the economic, educational, or social ladder.
My current boyfriend is a former jockey–so he’s a bit on the short side. I’m 5’4" and we’re usually about the same height if I wear flats.
I will say that 10 years ago, I wouldn’t have dated a short man. Not because I found them unattractive, but because of my own insecurity about my body and its size. Being phsyically close to someone who was small just made me feel huge–and I was quite insecure about that.
I got over it though. And it’s a good thing. I’m liking my current boyfriend!
How do you figure this? Or maybe I’m the only woman in the world who didn’t require a W2, a diploma, and a Dunn and Bradstreet listing before dating a man? :rolleyes:
MaddyStrut just hit the nail on the head for me. I’ve always been a little chunky (and at times, fat), so a shorter guy or a really thin guy just seems to make that seem more so when I am with him.
and besides, I’m 5’4. If I dated a short guy, who would reach the jars on the top shelf?
I have noticed an odd bias as far as height goes - guys have to be taller, girls shorter. It’s got to go back to some primitive, sabretooth tiger clubbing instinct in our genetics. It isn’t really useful anymore, is it?
As for myself, as I said in the shallowness thread, I’ve yet to meet a man shorter than me, so it’s yet to be an issue. I don’t think I’d ever refuse to date a guy due to his height (in either direction). However, there’s something to be said for a man that you can look in the eye and kiss without a stepladder.
I agree look!ninjas about the primitive bit. It seems that despite feminism, we want to feel that the man is at least physically bigger and stronger than us, and can go out and slay those mammoths and lay them at our feet.
**
Whether or not a man earns more than me is irrelevant. I’m responsible for maintaining myself and my lifestyle. I don’t care how much education he has, but I very much care how much intelligence he has. Social? No, even I’m not that shallow. It really doesn’t matter what side of the tracks he comes from (but OK, maybe I should admit that when I was younger, he would have had to have been tall, and from the WRONG side of the tracks).
I consider myself a strong, independent woman, and I don’t need emotional protection from anyone. I consider noone my superior. But I still require a man to be taller than me, and my intellectual equal, at the very least. Nature has a lot to answer for.
In my opinion, men who date taller women and women who date taller men either have a lot of confidence (attractive in itself), or are able to genuinely see past the physical aspects of other people and enjoy them for themselves.
I agree with jeleigh and MaddyStrut. If you’re even a little insecure about you’re weight (as the vast majority of American women seem to be), a big guy can make you feel like a ‘petite flower’.
Also, culture definitely reinforces this preference. I watched Minority Report last night and noticed that Tom Cruise seems to tower over the woman who played his wife. He’s fairly short in real life so it must have been shot to make him look taller (and more desirable).
Personally, I like shorter guys. They know they don’t have the height advantage, so they try harder, dress better, and are often more amusing. Plus, (broad generalization) they’re just cuter…
My current and amazing SO is an inch shorter than I am. My stupid asshole ex-husband was a few inches shorter. I’m 6’ 1, folks… that means legs up to _______! It took me a bit to get used to dating my ex, we women (I’m guessing) want to feel protected by our men and if we’re taller… I don’t know, I’m pulling this out of the air (?). That’s how I felt and still do at times. The man is “supposed” to be taller. OKOKokokokokokokokokokok! I know! I’m living in the past, right? I can’t help it! It’s society, man!
I prefer to be the tall ugly one in the relationship.
I’m only 6’ myself.
My latest ex was right around 3" shorter than me. In her high heels, she was my height. But, if I was in my kikker boots, the cowboy heel made up the difference again.
I’ve gone out with some tall women before. And one of my current tall female friends just gives me fits, she’s so fine. But, I was always aware of their height, for some reason. Whne with shorter women, I rarely seem to notice if they are just shorter than me, or quite a bit shorter.
However, I must point out, I recognise in myself a leaning towards petite, busty women. I blame society. Or maybe Canada.
I also think that ** MaddyStrut ** hit it on the head. Women typically want taller men so that they don’t feel like big brutes or otherwise strange. I have a friend who is 5’11", built like a swimsuit model and very pretty to boot, who wouldn’t date guys shorter than she was, in spite of there being about no chance anyone would think her anything less than feminine or beautiful. I asked her this, and she basically gave ** MaddyStrut’s** answer.
I also think that most guys saying that they won’t date tall girls are probably short to average height. I’m 6’1" and have dated a couple of girls my height or taller- there are some advantages!
I’m slightly above average in height. When I was quite young, I felt that I needed to be shorter than my date, including foregoing high heels if the guy was only my own height. One of the things I found attractive about the fellow I married almost 40 years ago was that he was secure enough in himself that he did not feel in the slightest bit threatened by appearing shorter than me when I wore the stilleto heels. In fact, he thought it was wonderful. (Of course, now I realize I should not have worn those heels because of all the foot cramps they caused, but that’s another story. )
There is something great about being “short” (relative to a female companion) and being out with a lovely girl that towers above! Like MLS’ guy, I think it’s pretty cool to be out with a lady in high heels that is taller than me. It’s an ego trip. All of the other “regular-sized” guys are looking at you and wondering what’s so special about you that this tall, attractive woman would go out with you despite you being a shrimp!
I’ve also often thought that my lack of height gives me an advantage over taller guys. I can get away with more stuff. I’ve had some tall friends with odd senses of humour like mine, and they were often considered “big goofs”. With the same sense of humour, I am instead considered “that funny little guy”.
