Cecil’s old article on mites and mattresses
Was used to write an entry in a Cracked piece today.
Pretty cheap. All you need is an index to the Man and you could write for Cracked all day.
But they did give the cite.
A mattress weighs 200 lbs or more? I, a middle aged woman, can lift my mattress by myself. More like 50lbs.
some people don’t have the faith in banks that you do.
Thanks for noticing that, Leo Bloom, much appreciated. It’s fair usage (I assume) but Ed likes to be aware of such.
King, Queen, Double, Twin, or Single? It makes a big difference. But anything bigger than a Twin and I have to ask how, mechanically, you lift it, not even taking weight into account.
Powers &8^]
Is the cat out of the bag now?
Why, because Cece’s overworked fact-checker would like some feedback?
heh
Mattress stores are probably the single biggest ripoff site tolerated in every town across the country. It’s BS, scam, deception and arm-breaking upsell, and hardly ever anything else.
Especially in the last decade, when mattress quality has declined precipitiously.
Why? I’m not being argumentative (:)), it’s just that I’m looking to buy a mattress pretty soon.
you’re saying mattress quality has gone soft?
I’d give you a substantive, hard-won opinion but you’d probably argue that it doesn’t address the OP topic. I don’t have any comments about the “two hundred pounds of dead mites” claim because it’s too silly to address.
No, hard. For a whole cascade of reasons, current mattress designs rely overmuch on polyethylene foam, which breaks down quickly and leaves you with a saggy, cupped mattress well short of expectations, probably well short of the warranty you thought you had and almost irrespective of how much you spent (probably too much).
You basically cannot buy a quality-built, old-school, 2-sided mattress any more except from a custom builder (and yes, custom mattress makers exist). What you get is a “no flip” single-sided box that is maximized for initial comfort (= feels great when you lay on it in the store) and has the lifespan of a pool toy. The warranty turns out to be heavily loaded against you, so two years later when you are laying in a canoe, it’s considered normal wear and tear; if you can document sufficiently deep swales, you might get 25-50% credit on a new purchase from the same maker. This is true whether you are talking about a $200 Happy Mattress Store cheapie or a $6k Ultra Super Fantastico Tempur-Pedic BodyShape Delux.
The problem is that quality mattresses have become phenomenally expensive to make and no one will pay $2k for what used to be a fairly standard mattress… so regular-price mattresses are made cheap, and the extra bux go into useless extras like silk covers and shaped memory foam and black fabric, not into “better” as the term is usually meant.
As part of cost control, mattress makers have become increasingly dependent on polyfoam, used in new ways and formulations to increase that yummy “first lay” feeling (shaddap, you) but at the cost of greatly shortened mattress life. Poly is a brittle plastic; the bubbles can only stretch so far so many times before they rupture. Within a year of gentle use, you’ve got a body depression; within 2-3 years, you’re on your way to a canoe. And the warranty and salesween’s promises are worth nada.
There are two ways to get your money’s worth from a mattress. One is to have an old-school, real quality mattress built for you. The custom builders will know what you mean, but be prepared to pay that UltraSooperDelux price range for what used to be a pretty ordinary mattress. You will get ten years from it, though.
The very best option?
[spoiler]An adjustable euro-slat base with a 3- or 4-layer latex mattress. Work with a latex mattress seller to select the foam densities that are best for your size and sleeping habits (and on bigger mattresses, you can have different stacks on each side). Congratulations: you’ve just bought a mattress you can fine-tune continuously, no small deal if you’re past 40 and your body and sleep habits will be changing, and that will easily last you 20-40 years. Expensive, yes - but only about 2/3 of the way up your local mattress-store’s price list.
Why? Latex foam bubbles simply don’t break - the material is too elastic and too strong, as much of both over poly as poly is over a paper bag.
Don’t fall for latex ingredients in standard mattresses - a 2-inch layer of latex over today’s crap materials and construction is wasted. You want 100% talalay latex foam and absolutely nothing else.[/spoiler]
True story:
[spoiler]We bought a middling-top line Stearns & Foster in 1998, nothing fancy but a very, very good quality standard king mattress. Not pillowtop, not luxe, just very good, moderately pricy quality. After four or five years of being fairly reliable about flipping and turning, it had only slight cupping (and we’re both pretty big people, and kids frequently joined us in the bed). Age (mine) made it seem a little hard, so I bought a 2-inch memory foam topper. We slept on that for six more years. The last year was tough because the cupping had gotten noticeable and even frequent flips and turns didn’t help.
So I did all this research, found out that modern mattresses were basically crap, and bought a 3-layer king with advisor-selected layers, and an adjustable euro-slat base. About $3k in all.
Five years later, with absolutely no flipping or other work, there is NO cupping or body impression. (And, um, some of us are bigger than before… and my 150-pound Danes frequently join us.) The adjustable slats have been endless fun to tinker with whenever one of us doesn’t sleep quite comfortably enough. Barring some kind of catastrophic damage I expect to have this set for 15 more years or longer, and be comfortable on it every night even though I’ll be turning into a crotchety, achy elder.[/spoiler]
Trust me - the primary ingredient in modern mattresses is bullshit. Spend as long as you like getting your own answers but push hard on all claims that ANY mattress of ANY mattress-store quality continues to deliver comfort after 2-3 years. You’ll find many more who are pissed off at the maker and seller for failing to delivery what was promised, expected and supposedly warranteed.
I will be happy to PM you the sources I used for the mattress and bases, but I have absolutely no personal or financial stake in any of them. It’s just in line with my professional focus not to see people ripped off - and mattresses have become a worse ripoff industry than cheap used cars.
I’m hoping it springs back. Maybe there’s a sleeper out there just waiting to spread.
Powers &8^]
? I don’t follow you: I haven’t put a cat in a bag in, oh, years. If you’re asking why this comes to Ed’s attention: Ed has always been charge of the administrative stuff – aside from the editing, he handles the message boards; he deals with the lawyers, publicity folks, and all that. Cecil doesn’t interact with the legal staff (for example); he’s a li’l too… um… yeah. So Ed handles all that.
At least Cracked did not rip off that tag that you are not supposed to rip off.
Amateur Barbarian, thanks for your long post.
It was a substantive and hard-won opinion.