When I was in the Society for Creative Anachronism, one of our members was frequently tripped up trying to name the myriad of defensive projections on swords: quillons, crossguard, bell, basket hilt, guard, etc. Frustrated at being constantly corrected, he declared them all “HAND PROTECTORS” from now on.
For years our local chapter used the term HAND PROTECTORS (always spoken in a loud, pontificating voice) as a running gag.
Crabs = crotch crickets
Scale doggos are formally linzers. A pupper is a tiny li’l doggo. A doggo is a big ol’ pupper. Some doggos are boofs, which are too big to be allowed. All are the goodest bois, except for the goodest girls.
Pretty simple, really.
Friendly amendment: “cobra turkey”.
We had a milksnake named Danger Noodle. He escaped his enclosure and presumably died. 
He was only a danger to himself.
My personal faves are:
Duck Puppy = Platypus
Wizard Cow = Mountain Goat
Tiger Pony = Zebra
Have we had the bin chicken yet?
Egg=cackleberry
Are these modern day kennings?
Skyote
Texas Speed Bump
Prairie Dragster
Tux Thief
Key Assumption.
Stink Kitties around here.
California stretch cats.
The euphemisms for ferret are especially used in California, where owning them is illegal.
Update:
Tubas are big-ass trumpets.
Bassoons are tree trumpets.
Xylophones are chime trumpets.
Pianos are key trumpets.
Guitars are strum trumpets.
Cymbals are crash trumpets.
Tambourines are shake trumpets.
Fox = ginger floof
Skunk = stink weasel
Iguana = dragon ferret
Praying Mantis = kung fu cricket
Chicken = tuna of the land 
I used to work for the Royal Saudi Navy. Ships are the camels of the sea.
Cows = land manatees
Terrifying. I’m quite sure that delighted grin is because she’s planning to eat my leg…
… or lick me to death, as the pure SQUEEE-ness causes pancreatic overload :D.