You know what I’m talking about. You’re reading a book and someone asks “Have you gotten to the part where the baby dies?”
Or right after telling someone you taped the big game and you’re going to watch it tonight, you’re told “Oh, man, you’ll love how the SuperTeam comes from behind in the last 2 minutes!”
Or the guy in the next cubical wants to tell you about a movie and you say you’re going to see it tonight, and he just has to say “The twist at the end is great - who would have guessed that the murderer was the nun?!?”
No doubt about it - people who do stuff like this deserve flogging. Lots of it. Repeatedly.
What are some other floggable offenses?
Disclaimer: Flogging is neither encouraged nor condoned by the SDMB, its admins, mods, or even Cecil himself. Me neither, really, 'cause I’m nice, dammit.
Yowser. Did that once. Years after the Crying Game was well out in the public consciousness and even the Simpsons had made a joke about it, I thought it was safe to mention the detail that makes the film famous - and someone in the group hadn’t seen it and wanted to.
I was made to feel like worm snot.
So tie me up and warm up the Cat’o’nine tails!
There must be reason SDMB is an anagram of BDSM!
Oh, and floggable offences?
Too much stuff in the express lane. Extra credit - trying to justify it by pretending that if you have 3 kids with you, you get to divide the 50 articles you have by 4.
Yes, I know there is mathematical modelling that suggests the express lane is not all that express compared with the regular lanes. But it feels faster, dammit! And anyone who deprives me of that precious, precious sense of haste and inspires teeth-gritted resentment deserves the last full measure of my wrath in all its entitled self-righteousness.
(I think I’d better have a Bex and a good lie down, now.)
Putting an empty or box back into the cupboard, fridge or supply cabinet. Double flogging if you also failed to write the item down on the shopping list.
eat:We could save time by combining this thread with jajay’s “Stuff you shouldn’t have to tell people”.
Loud bus talkers. Be thee on a cell phone or no, I should not have to hear the details of your life.
Especially awesome was the lady the other night yelling into her cellphone “ARE YOU OK? WHY ARE YOU YELLING?”
And those ass jackals that are tagging theHenry murals. Graffiti is bad enough but you’re going to tag someone’s art? That is full on slimeball douche right there.
People who go to a party, head to the fridge and grab a beer, open it up and then take one swig, only to set it down and wander off, leaving it to be thrown away at the end of the night…
People that amble a straight line from the store to their car even when that’s a diagonal line that stops all traffic for 50’ instead of walking an L pattern that would have added, like, 8’ to their journey. Wankers.
People who are too freakin’ lazy to push their shopping cart 10 ft to the cart corral (or what ever you call those things). Double flogging if the cart is blocking a parking spot. Triple flogging if it blocks a handicapped parking spot.
My buddy does this. He’s a habitual movie spoiler, where in the middle of a phone conversation about whatever, he’ll blurt out the key plot device of a current movie and ask me if I’ve seen it yet and what do I think about the movie.:mad:
I wanna choke his ass out when he does that. Now, whenever I hear the tone of his voice change into movie spoiler mode, all he hears is click as I hang up the phone. Dickhead.
And the morons driving 55 mph in the fast lane saving the world one gallon at a time in their Prius while the rest of the freeway is moving 70-75 mph need a good flogging.
If you ever start a sentence with “I am not an [expert], but…” or “I might be wrong, but…”, failure to sit down and shut up when an [expert] who isn’t wrong helpfully corrects your mistake will be punishable by a flogging.
The people who made the trailer for the movie Agnes of God spoiled their own movie. =In the trailer, the nuns are going through various fits of angst and grief and scenery-chewing about some mysterious thing, and then finally it builds to a climax and one of them confesses weepily, “IT WAS A BABY! IT WAS A BABY!!!” as if that wasn’t already the most likely secret a bunch of nuns would be distressed over. But they gave it away in the trailer anyway.
Other candidates: people who step in front of you when getting off trains or buses or escalators or elevators and then immediately slow down and look around or take stock of the situation. Go in front of me if you’re freaking going somewhere; if you want to stop and dawdle, don’t decisively step in front of me like you need to be first. Let other people go and dawdle all you want.
Similarly, people who hit their brakes the moment the light turns yellow, slow way down, forcing everyone behind them to brake, and then roll through just as (or just after) it turns red, stranding the people behind them at the light. If you’re inclined to go anyway, and are even willing to run a red light, just keep going when it first turns yellow and give the person behind you a chance.
What these people really deserve is simply to be sent off to wait in a non-express line. The flogging goes to the store manager whose policy is that checkout clerks shall not enforce posted rules.
I’ll nominate:
Smokers with a “The world is my ashtray” attitude
Parents who carelessly dispose of used diapers
Malware writers & distributors (These need to be flogged 'round the fleet, then fed into a woodchipper.)
Taking two spaces when your car easily fits in one.
Bitching about prices/ trying to play ‘lets make a deal’ at the register when there are 20 people behind you with their money out & the sales tax calculated in their heads, waiting.
Phone calls/texting/fire-flying in a darkened theater.
Oh hell, this is going to be a while. Careful, people, there’s a flog rolling in…
People who get to a doorway or a narrow entrance/exit and then pause there while contemplating their next move. Newsflash: this doorway was not built exclusively for your own personal use.
People who present me with a fait accompli and then add ‘…is that all right?’. First of all, you don’t really care if it’s all right with me, because if you did, you would have checked. Secondly, it’s a pointless question since even if no, it’s not all right, it isn’t going to make any difference.
People who, some time after having said something to me, try to wriggle out of the consequences by saying ‘I didn’t mean it’. This is just a lie. Yes, you did mean it at the time you said it, which is why you didn’t say something else. What such people are actually trying to say is either (a) that they regret having said it, because they don’t like the consequences, or (b) that they have reconsidered their opinion over time. Neither of which is the same as ‘I didn’t mean it’.
People who turn up late for things and offer excuses, even though I faced exactly the same set of circumstances and somehow got there on time. ‘Sorry I’m late but the trains were just crazy this evening’. Yeah, maybe, but I used the trains as well, and I live even further away than you, but I planned things right and so I was here on time. Because I respect you enough to want to be on time for you.
Shop assistants and staff who prioritise casual chat with their cow-orkers over actually providing the service they are supposedly paid to provide. I am very reluctant to say something like, ‘Excuse me, could you actually finish printing those flyers for me because I need them, instead of chatting to him about his party at the weekend’, but sometimes I feel I have no choice. And the people doing the flogging should be the people who applied for that job but didn’t get it.
Soylent Green topped that years ago. The trailer loudly proclaims “WHAT IS THE SECRET OF SOYLENT GREEN?” over and over, while near the end of said trailer showing what are clearly occupied body bags moving down a conveyor belt. It basically went as far as it could without actually putting “Soylent Green is people” right in the trailer.
