“So it’s been real and everything, but it’s over. Buh bye!”
Maybe that’s just me though. Little “loyalty tests”, or whatever the hell they are, are definitely a deal breaker, IMO.
I missed this the first time around. “Cultural”? Her culture makes her act spoiled, selfish, thoughtless and mean? You need a better girlfriend, Happy. What I would do if I were you is dump her and get used to being by myself. You might also want to look into some counseling; you seem to have a trend of picking needy, manipulative, ballbreaking women.
She called you a liberal? Dude, that’s cold. 
Seriously - tell her this:
"It’s your friggin’ roommate! Were it your mom, sister, brother, second-cousin twice removed on your second cousins side, I’d go, no questions asked. But it’s your roommate!
When my roommate gets married, you can skip out. Deal? Deal."
FWIW I’d throw in some pretty blunt references to respect and compromise. Her “letting” you go on your traditional guy trip isn’t even in the same ballpark with the sacrifices you’re making to go to her friend’s wedding.
I hope I’m not out of line here, but her throwing ‘love’ around, pressing you to go to weddings and her manipulative assumptions of ownership of your time are pretty strong signals. If this were a rodeo, you’d be the calf–and she has you half-roped while you’re still in the chute. That burning smell is the branding iron heating up. Yeah, not a romantic metaphor but the way she’s acted is hardly romantic or loving either.
I’d say at the very least back her off, waaayyyy off. She’s making a hell of lot of demands on you. Even if you decide to stay in this relationship, keep in mind you’ve had a strong dose of what she considers ‘loving’. If this is her idea of compromise, you won’t own your own soul, much less time, job, friends, etc. Frankly I’d just go for the ‘you’re a wonderful girl and I’m sure you’ll make some man a wonderful wife’ speech–then run like hell in the opposite direction.
Any way you choose, Hero Pup, best of luck to you.
Veb
Why did you see fit to warn AngelicGemma, but not the person she was responding to?
Cool your flaming and invective, msmith. IMHO isn’t the place for it. If you’re that het up over the issue, take it to the Pit.
TVeblen
Pit/IMHO mod
Wow, they’re fast around here. 
Sorry for the oversight, mhendo. I read this thread and missed it too–and I’m partially responsible for this forum. ::cringes:: If you spot something amiss, please don’t hesitate to use the ‘report this post’ function. As was amply demonstrated, even several sets of seeking eyes can skim over things.
Veb
No need to apologize. I was just a bit surprised because usually when someone gets warned, the Mod is careful to check whether or not anyone else involved in the conversation was also guilty of the same thing. I figured it was just an accidental oversight, and i probably should have used proper channels rather than mention it in the thread.
Is she in control of your emotions? Don’t rent her space for doing that in your head!
Who can release you from your self-imposed sense of obligation?
You have every right to your own plans, time, friends, choices, and feelings. That will not change even when you are a married person. Don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t show signs of understanding that.
Zoe, “catch guilt” is like “catch hell,” only a bit more specific. It doesn’t mean I’m going to feel guilt, but that someone will try to make me feel guilt (also see: “don’t guilt me”).
Trust me, if a simple airing of my emotions prompts a negative response, bad stuff will happen. I’m not a doormat (maybe), I’m just easygoing. But if you get my hackles up, I’m the most stubborn Irishman you’d care to meet.
Hey, I guess if you know everything that’s why you’re asking the Internet for dating advice. I’m just trying to help YOU. But I guess if you don’t want advice from a guy who did the same exact long distance dating scenario as you AND gets no crap for going on vacations to Montreal, Rio de Janeiro and the Bahamas with his guy buddies as well as countless bachelor parties and dude’s nights out…well…that’s your business.
Because I wasn’t calling the OP names. I was expressing to the OP that his SO is treating him like a child. I did not mean to imply that I thought he actually was one.
What exactly is an “independent woman”? One who keeps her man on a tight leash like Happy Scrappy’s? Or maybe one who’s so career driven that she wakes up at 35 and starts freaking out about her biological clock? Have you ever asked why there’s no such thing as an “independent man”? An “independent woman” is also refered to as “single” because you can’t be completely independent in a relationship.
Look, the fact is that woman control %50 of the vote in this country but they control %100 of the vagina. Their power comes from the threat of being able to take their vagina and go home. Of course, if they actually withold sex for any length of time, you would just up and take your chances on the open market. A man’s power comes from the fact that if a woman wants to have children (and most do because there is no stronger instinct than preservation of the species) she is basically playing a game of chicken with the point in time where it becomes more dificult to safely have children.
Now occassionally you get a guy who I guess believes that this particular vagina is the only one he will ever see in his lifetime. He will basically put up with all kinds of shit for fear of being out in the “doghouse”. These are the guys who never hang out with their friends once they get a girlfriend. They are the ones who have to “get home early” and no one can figure out why they make the decisions they do.
Happy Scrappy - You could break up with this girl, but what will happen with the next one? I think it’s important for you to go on your trip to Canada with your friends. Just be like “I’m going to Canada like I said I would and that’s that”. Just ignore her pouting - you won’t be able to hear it all the way from Boston.
HHSP
How about the next time she brings it up in a guilt-laying way, you ask her point blank if she has a problem with you going out with your friends. Yes or no. If she says or implies that she does, remind her that it was her idea for you to go out with them, and that you are bothered by the contrary way she is acting now. Tell her that you are used to people meaning what they say and not playing guessing games. If she says she doesn’t have a problem, then ask her why her tone is so frequently accusatory. Provide examples. Let her know that you don’t appreciate it.
I don’t know why you are still with this person, to tell the truth. Nine months is long enough to know where your heart is, and if “L-bombs” are bothering you, that’s not a good sign. I guess if you enjoy her company, that’s cool, but if she’s looking for a husband and you’re just looking for a companion with breasts I anticipate you having much worse conversations than this one in the near future. For her sake, I hope she is not clinging to the hope that one day you’ll wake up in love with her. If you haven’t told her where you stand with her, you should.
My favorite sentence in the sroty was this one:
“After the drama ensued there were back-ups for about 15 minutes, but then traffic cleared to its normal levels.”
Just one comment. I hope the wedding date of June 3rd was a typo, because up here in Montreal, June 3rd is a Friday.
Any chance you two could fly? There are some pretty good deals (from New York, at least). The drive is easy but boring. And I do hope you clear up the date thing (hopefully you meant the 5th).
I may be the only person here who’s not going to recommend you break up with your SO (though the fact that you’re posting so liberally means she’s not a SDMB frequenter, which is a definite minus). I assume you make a few demands in the relationship, too. Two weddings in a month is a lot, but perhaps she’s using them as excuses to see you and to show you off. Maybe she’s expecting a little much, especially since you’ll be missing work, but I’m hardly suspicious of her motives.
I definitely think you should go up North with your friends. You don’t even have to mention it until she does, then feign innocence “But you told me to go. We already booked a hotel.” But what’s with this anti-Montreal/pro-Canada stance? You do know Montreal is still technically part of Canada, right?
The L-bomb???
I take it you don’t love this girl? I mean, it’s been 9 months, and you think it’s noteworthy that she’s “dropped the L-bomb” twice… have you said I love you to her?
If you don’t love her now, you never will. Why are you wasting your time with her?
I have to agree with this. 9 months is a long time to be dating someone, and still freak out about the ‘L-bomb’.
Yeah, but we don’t know what type of L-bombing this was. Was it carpet L-bombing? Smart L-bombing? I could see how if his girlfriend was neutron L-bombing him that it might be a problem. Hell, maybe it was suicide L-bombing!
HSHP,
A lot of people here seem to be thinking “what the hell are you doing with this women, much less giving up your precious vacation days to go to a wedding for a friend of hers.”
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You’ve been dating nine months, but you are uncomfortable that she has said she loves you. This is a big neon sign with flashing lights that this is not a good long term thing for you, but she’s planning on the color of bridesmaids dresses. I’m not fond of the “madly in love after three weeks” - but by nine months the idea shouldn’t make you squeemish.
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She seems to be a manipulative bitch - which is a good enough reason not to fall in love with her. From your posts she seems rather controlling and insistant that this relationship should have her in the center of it. Personally, I wouldn’t be interested in a long term relationship like that.
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Once you start taking weekend long trips to go to weddings of childhood friends, she is going to start wondering if the ring comes for her birthday or Christmas.
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If, indeed, it isn’t long term for you, why are you wasting your time (and hers). Hope the sex is good (assuming this relationship has that level of physicality), but personally it does seem kind of cruel to use a woman you don’t love for sex.
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I’d call her today, tell her you are sorry, but you can’t go to the wedding. That you wish her every happiness in the future, but you are not the guy long term for her and you are sorry you didn’t have the balls to tell her this weeks ago.
I regret few things in my life. But I do regret the weekends/holidays/vacations I gave up to spend with people who were “insignificant others.”