The Third Official New York City Straight Dope message Board Convocation and Convention was held on Saturday, April 15, 2000. The proceedings commenced at Acme Eats on Great Jones Street in the East Village at approximately 6:00 p.m. and were later adjourned to Dempsey’s, also in the East Village.
Attendees were:
Biggirl
Biggirl’s friend, the Beer Chick
Billdo
Blue Twylight
Blue Twylight’s friend, who posted once but forgot the screen name
Dr Matrix
Dr Matrix’s SO, who’s registered as Cajun Man but has never posted
Green Bean
Lux Fiat
Lux Fiat’s friend the police officer, who’s not yet registered, but will be, dammit.
manhattan
SaxFace
Surgoshan
Ukulele Ike
Democritus (tardy)
psycat90 (tardy)
Joe_Cool (tardy)
The gathering commenced at approximately 6:00 p.m. when Surgoshan, Green Bean and Billdo arrived at Acme, mentioning to a waitress that we were with the “Cecil Adams” party. The waitress responds, oh, that party – the table for 17. We sat at the bar, and immediately thereafter Biggirl and the Beer Chick arrive. As we are greeting each other, someone who was sitting on the other side of the bar stands up and announces herself to be SaxFace. At this point the staff has set up the table for 17, and we sit down.
Over the next hour people arrived. Discussion centers, not surprisingly, around the SDMB.
At 7:20 p.m. SaxFace called the meeting to order by writing down all of the names of the attendees on a cocktail napkin. Minutes were thereafter kept on a small pad in a red folder. The following is a verbatim transcript of the minutes, encompassing the topics discussed and other matters addressed. The minutes were kept collaboratively by the group. Individual handwriting cannot and will not be identified.
Old Posters Disappeared
Arizona (potential) meeting
How People discovered board
Cop is OK to call a police officer
Trivia game banner ad
Manhattan “the fox” can’t pronounce the word animals
Surgoshan the “Jean Machine”
SaxFace never saw Jaws
Biggirl’s going straight to hell & manhattan’s buying her a beer
Late (at 7:40) but glowing, Democritus & psycat
7:45, second cigarette break, half the table leaves.
discussing Dr Matrix’s looks (Mel Gibson, Howdy Doody)
7:50, food arrives, smokers [who are still away from the table at the bar] get screwed.
Manny bought a bible – it did not burst into flames. Rumors of him moderating LBBB abound
Acme does not know what penne pasta is
Joe Cool shows up fashionably late (sooooooo cool) at 7:50 but is so funny we forgive him. Blame Lincoln Tunnel
No upper lip = cop, specifically Aryan cop, but we love [him] anyway
SaxFace needs to stop talking about her mother
Blue Twy’s friend orders chicken penne but gets shrimp linguine
Manny lost his moderator hat. Green Bean makes new one
IANAL stands for I am not a lawyer. Courtesy of Dr. Matrix and Joe Cool
SaxFace, Uke & Joe Cool talk about saxophones (Biggirl, Manhattan & Blue Twylight complain loudly)
SaxFace spilled the first drink. She said “Aiiekk” [Editor’s Note: this description does not nearly capture the sharp, high-pitched squeaking sound that SaxFace emitted]
TFMTGAL = Time for me to get a life
SaxFace walks on the furniture
8:15 - next cigarette break
after break, the smokers filter back in. 8:30
discuss Joe Cool’s living arrangements
bitching about [former poster]
Billdo reads every damn post. Everyone loves the summaries
$414.23. Total bill without tip [Editor’s Note: When the bill arrived, we decided to split it up by asking everyone to throw in what they thought they owed. They all did, and we got the right amount, with a healthy tip]
Green Bean - 1 1/2 beers she’s stupid!! (but still beautiful)
“You get caught ‘red handed’ if you masturbate while having a period” - Surgoshan
Illustrious restaurant on the moon, great food, no atmosphere – a bum on the street
Dempsey’s
Major engineering project – setting up tables
Remarkably attractive waitress – Carol --> all in agreement
Sax Face noticed that Cajun Man in no way resembles Homer Simpson
Biggirl hates Rudy Giuliani with a passion [Editor’s Note: The UBB boldface codes were written in the manuscript minutes here in proper form]
Joe Cool (who’s name isn’t Joe) noted that the bartender is, too, beautiful
Also sighted – the beer chick drinking a beer. She can no longer deny that she is, in fact, a Beer Chick
Biggirl is “the Black TubaDiva”
Biggirl described her ancestry in some detail. No wonder she is so mixed up.
Manhattan denies that he did not kill nobody. He is, though, a duck murderer
SaxFace found the pool table, but tried to distract everybody by calling the smoke zapper a bug zapper
[Editor’s Note: at this point, there was a page in the notes on which Surgoshan scrawled that “I’m Drunk.” The police officer endorsed the confession with his name, duty station, and penal code violation number. The page was retained by Democritus for scanning and posting]
Blue Twylight’s buddy clutches her purse at all times. The teeming millions want to know – What’s in there?
Surgoshan, our underage friend, attempted to instruct Manhattan on proper beer pouring technique. Manny cruelly rebuffs him – says I was pouring beer while you were just a glint in your mama’s eye
Democritus refused to take notes. He made the shocking confession – he is illiterate and uses a post-bot!
discussed fraternities, Lux, Surgo, Lux Friend
green poop
Na+ and Cl- Oh my god! It’s chemistry! p.s. I’m shitfaced. – Surgo
Joe Cool insists that he was late because he accidentally went to Lousy Jones St. instead of Great Jones St.
Surgo thinks Joe Cool was getting some poontang
Surgo just booted 10:20 and rallied!!
At 10:40 Biggirl noticed she was the only black person here
10:35 SaxFace and Surgoshan go to the Latvian party
10:36 Biggirl says " :open the book and open it now"
Psycat, Billdo & Bean about CMA
11:00 Blue Twylight and friend leave
Manny - [illegible] - more notes
Biggirl demonstrated the uncanny psychic ability to compel dopers to send pitchers of beer her way. The teeming millions could but gape in awe at her prowess in the mental arts.
Dr Matrix thinks I look like Harry Connick, Jr. in profile. I wish this info to be proclaimed far and wide, as it is the finest complement I have ever received – Lux
Also big ups to Surgo for his boot and rally
[item deleted]
SwimmingRiddles, you are not here. You know what? We had a blast without you!
Dr. Matrix friend has demonic eyebrows.
Green Bean says “Jackson Pollack”
Democritus is cute. I say so. Someone else, whose name I will not mention, says he’s too “showy”. He’s taken. Back off.
Props should be given to psycat for drawing this group together
Democritus believes that there are two views of the world. The scientific view and the artistic view. Psycat understands. I am too drunk to make heads or tails of this, however I know this is deep. As per Manny, of course they understand each other (Psy & Dem). It’s a love thing.
11:40 Lux Fiat and his friend leave
Green Bean agrees with Dem that there is no proletariat
-Joe_Cool is very cute as per SaxFace, except for the mustache. Shave it!
10:57 Arlen and Michele join us. Who are they? Apparently we are such a fun group that all want to join.
Manhattan pays for the peer. He is out of his mind.
Midnite – The bar brought a round of kamikaze shots — Woo Hoo – Toast to Cecil and the Fight against Ignorance.
Democritus’ shirt is yellow dragons on a red background in velour. Much be
Wow, I hope you got paid for that Bill, or at least got therapy. I think I might even like to come up there for the next bash, that is if we ever get our next DC Dopefest scheduled.
The preceeding was a pathetic attempt at plugging the upcoming Baltimore/DC Dopefest, using as many other threads as possible, no matter how distantly related.
Sounded like a good time! Where’s the incriminating photographs?
“Penises don’t belong in the mouth, girls and boys. You’ve got the wrong hole there. Just like you wouldn’t shove pizza up your nose.”
-From the Brother Jed flyer-
I woke up at 7am this morning, took 2 aspirin and went back to bed. Slept till 1pm. I have now had 2 large cups of coffee and something to eat. My head is now clear (or at least as clear it gets)
We all enjoyed ourselves. It was good to put faces with the names.
I don’t look like Howdy Doody.
Virtually yours,
DrMatrix
“Feynman was wrong.
I understand Quantum Physics completely.
Anybody seen my drugs?” - WallyM7
Well Democritus was the official incriminating photographer. I imagine that it will be a few days at least until he flies back to California, gets the pictures developed, and posts them on his web page. Until then, just use you imagination.
Well, I was pointedly not asked to this gathering.
There is no doubt that after a few drinks, I would have made indecent proposals to the ladies and arm wrestling challenges to the guys.
And I would have told Demo what I think of that barbarism they laughingly call “nuclear medicine.”
Uke would have been accused of stifling artistic expression and riding on the coat tails of talent, while Bill would have been subjected to every lawyer joke I know. And trust me, I know plenty, considering my loser cousin is a Crown Attorney.
Nobody ever invites me to these things.
I guess wit, charm and grace are not a requirement at these functions.
Jesus, quarter to nine PM on the following day and only EIGHT responses? How bad WERE your hangovers?
My excuse: playing with kids while wife jogs; excursion with kids to Brooklyn Botanic Garden to check on the progress of magnolias/crabapples/cherry trees; turning of soil in back garden and fertilizing of same; preparation of dinner(grilled chicken, roasted butternut squash, steamed sugar snap peas)/Tuesday night’s dinner (ropa vieja)/homemade chicken soup for kids’ lunches/noshes.
MY hangover was negligible, due to adherance to the UncleBeer rule of lengthy drinking bouts: stay away from shots, stick to beer. Or hard cider, during the round where I grabbed the wrong pitcher.
A couple of Fascinating Facts missed by the redoubtable Billdo above:
Green Bean does not like Wagner. It is an ethnic thing.
Cajun Man once worked with Andy Warhol.
Dr.Matrix does NOT look like Howdy Doody. I was thinking more Ray Walston in My Favorite Martian.
4} Psycat and Democritus are ONE cute couple. Democritus “showy” ? I do not think so.
Joe_Cool liked the Waitress; manhattan liked the Bartender. Ukulele Ike liked both of them.
Saxface, after suckering me into playing pocket billiards with her, dumped me with with some local loser as a combatant and headed back to the group. I am working up a suitable punishment for her.
BigGirl and I left together as we live within about five blocks of each other, and I thought it would be nice to share a cab. The two large burly men who usually accompany her will please take note of this.
I attempted a major suckup towards Billdo later in the evening in hopes that he would accord me the lion’s share of the mention in his report, but at that point he was too schnockered to notice how marvelously witty I was being.
EVERYONE missed Eve and Alphagene. And Wally, for that matter. “Nuclear medicine” ?
Well, you’re right. When psycat posted “Calling all Tri-state area dopers (and anyone willing to drive or fly across country ;))” she specifically phrased it this way to avoid inviting all of you damn Canadians.
[/quote]
There is no doubt that after a few drinks, I would have made indecent proposals to the ladies and arm wrestling challenges to the guys.
And I would have told Demo what I think of that barbarism they laughingly call “nuclear medicine.”
Uke would have been accused of stifling artistic expression and riding on the coat tails of talent, while Bill would have been subjected to every lawyer joke I know. And trust me, I know plenty, considering my loser cousin is a Crown Attorney.
[/quote]
Like Uke wasn’t accused of much worse, and I haven’t already heard every lawyer joke out there already.
Maybe if you could add something to an occasion we would, but come on, be realistic.
Isn’t this obvious – Eve couldn’t make it and we held the event anyway.
Green Bean doesn’t like Wagner? My respect for her has just gone up a couple of notches, although I’ve been told that Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.
Bill, If I can work the UBB codes, how hard can it be? Maybe it’s true what they say about lawyers.
OK damnit, I wanna hear the kinky dirt! Spill it people!
And if I’m satisfied, I forsee a NYC-Chicago crossover dope fest in the not to distant future. Lets hear if you guys can keep us fiesty folks interested.
The hangovers may have been part of the reason, but some of the posters are too busy at home and must wait until they get to work where they have more free time.
Virtually yours,
“Feynman was wrong.
I understand Quantum Physics completely.
Anybody seen my drugs?” - A WallyM7™ .sig
Bildo: I give Dem until tuesday to have them developed, and scanned :). He had his pictures up before anyone else did for Monterey, and I assume the SF bash.
Hi! Blu’s friend Chris here… I figured I would come in and say hi and also say that it was really nice meeting all of you! I had a fun time And… SHHH Green Bean, I DO have top secret information in my purse, that’s why I just couldn’t let it out of my site.
