Inspired by this pit thread complaining about wedding boards, I decided to start the official SDMB Wedding Thread. Here is a place where we can all share our wedding planning woes, questions, fears, complaints, etc.
I’m also going to do some searches and link past wedding threads here, so we can reference them if needed.
My first contribution/question - how easy was it for you gals to find a wedding dress where alterations were included in the price of the gown? My sister’s dress cost $250 to get altered, and I’d really rather have that money go towards an open bar or better food.
::hums wedding march::
My plan is to go away, say to a nice little inn in the Berkshires or in Vermont with the intended groom, his parents/siblings and my parents and THAT’S IT. By limiting it that much, no one can argue that it’s not fair. They may still be upset that they weren’t invited but it wouldn’t be “she got to invite her second cousin twice removed on her mother’s side, why can’t he?”
Oh, and per my bf’s request (assuming we get to the point where someday he’s the intended groom), there will be NO DANCING. Both of us HATE dancing and since it’s our wedding, that’s how it’s going to be.
Probably not the kind of wedding anyone else really wants, but a) it’ll keep the cost way down, b) it will keep the stress way down and c) it’s what we want.
I can’t help, but would like to add to the whole alterations question. Since I bought my dress from a charity that sells donated dresses for donations to a charity for kids with cancer, no alterations were included. I actually want to make a fair bit of changes (cover up/remove some beading at the waist & hem, remove some bows on the back, have some changes done to the sleeves, have a bustle put on, and have it shortened & taken in a little). I have NO idea how much this is going to run me, and no idea really how to find out. No seamstress is gonna give me a quote without seeing the actual dress, but it’s really really not easy for me to lug it around the city to various seamstresses to shop around for the best price. Any idea how to go about getting an idea of how much it’ll cost me?
The thing is with weddings, there are no ‘rules’. Do what you like, it’s YOUR day. We had a blast, spent less than $3K including our wedding clothes and feeding 50 people. It was great.
We spent less than that on ours! It was the best day of our lives. It was just the day we wanted, a Summer party, lots of friends and family and sun and laughter and good times with good music and lots of food and damn good fun! We didn’t get caught up in the whole “wedding” thing, we just went with what WE wanted… if anyone didn’t like, they could shove it as far as we were concerned. Only two members of my family said they wouldn’t go which was fine cos they’re the two I didn’t want to be there anyway so it worked out well!!!
My advice is plan early, make lists and double check everything; do what the two of you want to do, don’t listen to family gripes - it’s your day, nobody else’s. We carry such strong memories of our day (August last year) and people still tell us that it was the best wedding they were ever at! I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat
For those of you who are in the planning stages of a wedding – or might someday be – here is my advice, which worked wonders for me and for more than a couple other men of my acquaintence. I know that you don’t give a crap about any of the details of your wedding. But your financee must not know this. So, pick a few inconsequential details (e.g., whether the invitations should have a bow on them), choose a position, and stand firm! That way, it seems like you’re really paying attention instead of just humoring her by agreeing with everything, but it’s a small enough detail that it’s not going to cause problems. If you choose poorly and it does lead to a fight, just cave! (Remember – you don’t really care; this is all just for show.) Then she’ll think the world of you for being reasonable. (And you might get a guilt-driven blow job out of it.)
I’ll be a Maid of Honor in early April, and the bride needs me to go down to David’s Bridal, try on the dress, and get her the size by Monday (so she can order all the dresses at once and get a discount). I’m dreading the strapless experience, since I haven’t lost half the weight I wanted to for this shin-dig. Oh well, I’ve been on a roll since the start of the New Year and have dropped approx. 10 lbs. already. 20 more by April and I’ll be happier with myself in this dress – and in general. Besides, I can always take the dress in if it’s too big by the wedding, right?
Now the real problem – how do I throw a bridal shower when I’m in Los Angeles, the bride in in San Jose, and the rest of the Bridesmaids are in Oregon? Since most of her friends are down here with me, I guess I can fly her down and we can go to Rage or something…but money is very tight for everyone invloved at this point. Gah!
For all you who managed to have a fun party and feed 50 for around $3k or under – I’m e-mailing you when it comes time to plan my wedding!
A bitch I’m relaying for approximately a dozen priests I’ve known over the years:
A church wedding is not just a way to have a fancier-than-normal wedding – it’s a religious ceremony that the church is pleased to do for you.
Yeah, you’re perfectly entitled to write your own vows, select your music, and all that stuff. It’s a free country.
But you’re not entitled to expect a church to go along with it, just because it’s your special day. Sit down with the priest or minister and go over what the church’s expectations are about weddings generally, and decide if that fits you.
If not, rent the Taj Mahal or Yankee Stadium if you want a no-holds-barred elaborate setting – but don’t expect the church to cave to your whims.
What they put in the traditional ceremony has meaning to them – it’s a promise you’re making before God, in their eyes.
You aren’t obliged to go by their terms if it doesn’t suit you. But neither are they obliged to make their sanctuary available for your planned-on-other-terms event.
I’m sure that somewere (probably not on the 'dope) in the past 3 or so years since my ex and I split ways, I vowed never to do such a thing (get married, that is) ever again.
However, life once more makes a fool of one who makes sweeping pronouncements.
I just did the knee-and-ring (without the knee part, as the gound was rather soggy) with my brilliant and lovely girlfriend, promoting her to full-fledged fiancee. We’re looking to elope locally sometime this spring, announce the blessed event, do the big move-in, then go on honeymoon and return to a modest reception after the school year is over (she’s a teacher). Of course, everything except the engagement is under wraps from the families, as niether of us wants the bother or expense of a more traditional wedding.
We did look at dresses, which was new for her; although this is both of our second time around, she wore a white suit last time, while my ex opted for a full-on gown with train, veil, etc. I briefed her on the sometimes fanatical and over-the-top attitude of folks in the wedding industry before we set out on the mission. After perusing a few shops and growing weary of ugly beading and upper-triple-digit pricetags, she suggested we try a department store. Sure enough, JCPenny (or was it Dillards?) had an assortment of simple, unadorned off-white formals, of which she selected a very pretty one which displays quite nicely some of the less important reasons I love her.
We’re considering recruiting my (ordained minister) grandfather to conspire with us. He lives not far from a beautiful (not to mention conveinient) park in which we could stage a guerilla ceremony.
I’m looking for opinions on the plan as well as ideas about possible improvements or comments as to potential problems.
Is that a designer? If I get a fairly inexpensive dress, the price of alterations won’t be such a big deal.
I live near the original Filene’s Basement in Boston, and I’m going to go to their sale (I think it’s in the spring, but I’ve got two years, so whenever it is, it’ll be fine). They have tons of designer dresses at really low prices.
However, I am afraid I’ll get trampled by many crazed bridezillas. I’m going to bring a few family members and friends to protect me
I know sometimes Southwest has crazy fare sales between LA and the Bay Area. (I’ve even had friends get tickets for $39 roundtrip!) I don’t know where in Oregon the rest of the bridal party lives, but you might want to look into it.
I’m getting married in October this year and haven’t even started planning the wedding. There is just so much to do and I am a horrible procrastinator, that I just know that it will end up being a really last minute thing and I have a ton of family flying in from all over the world (it’s an excuse for a family reunion). I am really excited to see my family but will have to start sorting out accomodations etc. from now. Am I obligated to pay for their accomodations at all? We don’t have a lot of money for this wedding and we are planning to have it in a friend’s garden and then have the reception at his parent’s restaurant. We really want it to be pretty informal and just fun.
I am the opposite of Biddee. We are getting married, most likely, in October of 2006, and my mom’s already planning the wedding. She said she’d pay for it if we have it in New York (Albany area - we’re considering having the ceremony at Olana, and the reception at the historic St Charles Hotel in Hudson), and since my sister got married with about three months’ notice she’s doing exactly the opposite this time.
Our biggest problem will be finding someone to do the ceremony. We’re both atheist and want to plan the ceremony ourselves so it sounds halfway traditional but doesn’t go on about god. We ESPECIALLY do not want the preacher my sister had, who took the opportunity of preaching at a wedding to sneak in subtle jibes about gay marriage being evil. No idea who we would hire to come out to a location wedding and not be goddy on us.
I have a question since you’re all here and everything. I’m going to a wedding in Upper New York in October. It’s semi-formal, and at a park. Since I only own one dress(my prom dress), I figure I need to buy something. Any suggestions on what type of outfit would be suitable?
Yeay! Just my kind of thread!
Plans are going well for our Sept 2005 wedding. Loads done (I started the non-Bridezilla thread, the details of our wedding are in that) and feeling quite relaxed.
The major problem is that we’re getting married 6 weeks before I sit some major exams (paediatric, psychiatry and obstetric/gynaecology finals), but 6 weeks is plenty of time to study, right? RIGHT?
Anyway, I’m trying to get as much as possible done in advance so that come August I can concentrate on other things…except my dress, which is being designed and made for me. I’m choosing the fabric in February, but it won’t be started until July. I really trust my seamstress, so it’s not as scary as it sounds.
Morelin, what about a 50’s style tea-length dress, with a cardigan or wrap? That way you could wear some kitten heels or pretty flats, since it will be outdoors and high heels are a bit tricky on grass.
racinchikki, is there a Humanist Association or something similar in NY? In the UK there are humanist “ministers” who will do a nice God-free ceremony. Could a Justice of the Peace or Judge marry you? In the UK civil marriages by a registrar must have no reference to God, including poems, songs etc. I don’t know about the US, just throwing out ideas.
biddee, you aren’t obliged to pay for anyone’s accommodation. You can if you wan, but you don’t HAVE to. If you block book some hotel rooms, you might get a good discount, and your relatives and friends wouldn’t have to pay as much as they think.
