Not really answering machine related, but I once had to call a client to clear up an order. Her AA answered, then forwarded me to her extension. When she picked up, she answered with a haughty “WHAT THE HELL IS IT THIS TIME???”
Turns out the AA thought I was her ex-husband.
I live in mortal fear of telling someone I love them accidentally when hanging up the phone. To my knowledge, I’ve never actually done it, but I spend half of my working hours on the phone, I figure it’s inevitable.
I used to live in fear of suddenly developing Tourette’s Syndrome over the paging system, but I’ve managed to get past that one.
When I had a paying job, in the cold cruel world, there were two Joan’s in our office.
Me and the other Joan.
This caused confusion.
Calling us Old Joan and Young Joan was not popular with the Old Joan, who was forty years older than me.
Fat Joan and Skinny Joan was not an option either for obvious reasons.
We went by our last names Hergert and Dei. Me being Dei, pronounced Die.
One day one of my business clients called up on the wrong line and got one of our inept older ladies in the other side of the office on the phone. He didn’t hear the lady ask, “Which Joan?” All he heard was, " Joan Dei"
Mishearing it even more, the client was shocked, " Joan Died?"
“Yeah.” said the inept old lady in a casual voice.
The guy was so shocked, he hung up. The lady came over and realized what she did and told me that she just killed me off.
“Yay! I’m dead now! " she told the entire brief story and I asked a few questions about the guy and figured out by deductive reasoning and something called *69, and I called him back. " The rumors of my death were greatly exggerated…”
“Holy shit what was that all about?” It really bothered him, which warmed me to my toes.
I explained and I told him he was still on the hook for a big ass funeral bouquet.
I will now tell you the worst phone message fuck up story that I have ever heard. I know all of the people involved and I personally heard the message.
My friend Johnny was not getting along with his wife Karen (names changed). Karen called Johnny’s cell to talk to him and when she got his recorded message she hung up…or so she thought. Johnny was treated to a five minute long message of Karen talking to Johnny’s younger brother. The conversation involved the two of them taking what little money was in the bank account and running off together.
This wasn’t even the worst thing in that wholly fucked up situation but that’s for another thread.
Haj
When I was a kid, my uncle used to call to talk to my mom by either asking, “Is my sister there?” or “Is your mother there?” One time, he got confused and asked, “Is my mother there?” I replied, “Christ, I hope not! She’s been dead for five years!”
Another time, we were being harrassed by this one telemarketer firm, who kept calling us with a pre-recorded message and then putting us on hold. One day, I was home alone, and we were getting these calls literally every fifteen minutes. Finally, it rang just one time too many. I grabbed it, someone said, “Hi, is Ann there?” and I yelled into the phone, “She’s not fucking here! Stop calling!” and slammed it down on the cradle.
Then I thought, “Hey, that wasn’t a pre-recorded message…”
Turns out it was one of my mom’s co-workers. :smack:
The funniest phone call I ever heard about was one my brother made to my sister.
We like to flip each other shit alot, and my brother can be quite crude with it at times.
One day he called my sister and said “Hey, what’s wrong with you? You sound like you just got done having sex the way you are breathing so hard. Maybe you should have taken the dick out of your mouth a bit sooner and answered my call a little quicker instead of making me wait until you got done”
It was not my sister. :eek:
The poor woman on the other end was speechless! She put her husband on the phone. My brother explained that he thought he was dialing his sister and was trying to give her a rough time. They both had a good laugh out of it.