Okay, I’ve never heard this phrase before. What’s a ‘Dutch Uncle’?
I’m glad to hear it’s not leukemia. Good news for the new year!
To lower your cholesterol, ‘they’ recommend eating a bowl of oatmeal every day for a month. Can’t hurt - oatmeal is high in fibre and some nutrients, and it will fill you up for hours. A cup of cooked oatmeal with just a little brown sugar and a touch of cream - and I do mean a touch - is less than 150 calories. Or with some honey, or maple syrup, or whatever. I like oatmeal when it gets cold (which it doesn’t seem to do here).
Wonderful that it’s not anything too serious!
I, too, am a Lazy Bitch. A couple of years ago I was really into belly dancing, practiced every day, and I was almost to the point where I felt I could go outside in a bikini without making small children retch. But for some reason I stopped doing it, even though I remember enjoying it very much, and now I need to lose about 40 pounds again. But I live in the middle of Hooterville and the closest teacher or dance studio is 40 miles away, and it’s no fun doing it alone.
You should belly dance with me, Eve! It’ll help you lose weight, and when your landlord comes pounding on your door to complain, you can open the door dressed like this and make him so frightened of you that he never speaks to you again. Two problems solved!
New York, New York, a helluva town–
My sugar’s up and my thyroid is down,
I soon will be in a hole in the ground.
New York, New York, it’s a helluva tooooown!
applauds
Run! Run! Run! Allonelazybitch! OK!
I’m just stopping by to say that you should find something fun to do (like belly dancing that Marlitharn suggested) or ballroom dancing or kickboxing or dance-dance-revolution or competitive Twister or Hop-Scotch. Anything that gets you moving will move you toward better cholesterol and weight.
I’m happy you don’t have Lukemia. Good luck with the 25 lbs.
Well, it was good to hear you didn’t have leukemia, but that is bad about your sugar and thyroid. If you do have hypothyroidism, that would explain why you’re having trouble losing weight. Talk to your doctor and have him give you pills for your thyroid too.
I was going to suggest Slim-Fast and Healthy Choice dinners for the Lazy Bitch diet (how much lazier can you get?) but I think Slim-Fast has a lot of sugar in it.
I am going to suggest lots of vegatables - cherry tomatoes, celery, baby carrots. They’re low in calories and high in fiber, which is also good for the cholesterol. Do whatever it takes to improve your health - we want you around for long long time.
Is there a “Lazy Bastard” version of this diet? because i certainly could use to lose a few pounds but i hate going to the gym. Glad to hear the leukemia results came up negative.
Definitely get the thyroid taken care of. Mine was only a little bit low and after I started taking synthroid it was much easier to lose weight. I also had more energy and my hair stopped falling out. So yay synthroid.
E-mail from my doctor (I love my doctor, he actually gets back to me!):
He wants to see me for more blood tests in three months. I don’t want to take any meds I don’t really need to, in the meantime.
You know, one of my New Years resolutions is to be a belly dancer for Halloween. This means I get to learn a new dance form and (hopefully) gyrate away some unwanted pounds.
But seeing that it is a New Years resolution means that by default it wont happen.
My secret reason for wanting to lose the weight is so I don’t feel depressed going wedding dress shopping and having to try on dresses of outlandish sizes.
That’ll happen anyway. Wedding-dress sizes run smaller than normal clothing sizes. Yet another example of how the bridal industry is evil 
Interesting. I’ve got the low-level hypothyroidism and started synthroid about a month ago. I hadn’t been losing my hair and had my usual compulsive eating. Then I read that the side effects include increased appetite. :smack: Super. I also have itchy spots rashy spots I didn’t used to have so I am blaming the synthyroid.
The doc said I should take it because an untreated thyroid would cause cardiac problems. She didn’t say when, though; if it’s when I’m 70 I don’t really care.
Anyhoo, Eve, I would say don’t feel like you need to exercise. I’ve read on the boards and believe from experience that eating better has a much bigger effect. When I am following a plan, I don’t restrict but I try to choose foods whose origins I know and which haven’t been processed to death, and which haven’t been cooked in grease. So I eat as much as I want of eggs, cheese, whole grain bread, leaner meats, vegetables and fruit. Wraps and quesadillas I can heat up are more satisfying in the winter, and cool ones in the summer. Make your own marinades and dressings out of fresh ingredients; marinade meat and veggies and grill them and you’re set for the week.
God, you know I hate it when I have to agree 100% with you, Ginger. 
But Eve, shes’ spot-on. I’ve been living on rabbit food for about 3 months. Lost 18 pounds ( four of which merrily came back in the last 15 days, dammit. Holidays. Meh. ).
You get hungry? Eat fruit. You crave big dinners? Fall in love with bagged salads. I have a big ole dinner every night. Tons of greens, a whole tomato, a few croutons, low or no fat dressing. Maybe if I’ve been a good boy, some marinated mozzarella balls thrown in.
Breakfast is fruit. Lunch is frequently seaweed…
You can and will find, just as Ginger said, low calorie and high fiber foods and you will find yourself falling madly in love with them.
And, lest we not say this again, you will find that all of the tests for leukemia are negative and instead it’s an overabundance of Beef Wellington in the bloodstream. 
Ahhh, upon Preview I see it’s the Thyroid instead. YAY ! Eminently manageable, but trickty to tweak to perfection as you see. Great news, dear. Best of luck with it.
Cartooniverse
Yeah, yeah. I am Eating Sensibly. I do not expect to fall in love with any goddam fruits or vegetables (insert obvious joke about my love life here). I’m just looking on food as “medicine” and hoping that after a few months my taste buds will die off and I won’t even remember “pizza” and “ice cream.”
As someone in a John Waters film once said, “I am so hungry I could eat cancer.”
Portion sizes are way off and that’s what catches a lot of people out. Studies have shown that people will eat larger portions if presented with them. So make your own meals and make them small. Have four courses if you feel like it but make them healthy and no more than a cup in size. If you eat out, ask for half to be put into a doggie bag straight away. I’ve found that by doing that alone, you lose a lot of weight with little exercise because your metabolism speeds up. The trick is eat small amounts throughout the day. Graze on carrot sticks and dried fruit throughout the day and drink water instead. Avoid large amounts of alcohol - I learnt just how fattening alcohol can be when I went on Schoolies. I had about 15 standard drinks in just a few hours and didn’t get a hangover. But I put on three kilos.