… a list of every person who sends me an email, a facebook “cause invitation”, or anything else urging me to join them in the fight against the “War on Christmas”.
And on December 26th(ish, I’m a busy woman), I will be reviewing that list, and I will make small donations to Planned Parenthood in the names of each person on it.
My friends and family have been warned. I’ve already responded to four emails with “Okay, that one was a freebie, but do this again, and…” I’ve posted this as my facebook status, and been very explicit that I don’t want to get any “Keep CHRIST in Christmas” or “It’s a HOLY day, not a 'holiday” or “Sign this petition to put a Nativity in every park” crap.
I almost hope people ignore it. I enjoy imagining the looks on their faces when they get their “Thank you” emails from PP.
I start my War on Christmas early. Any cards I send out will say “Season’s Greetings” or “Happy Holidays”; all illustrations will feature stuff like wildlife snow scenes. My mom insists on sending out a Christmas letter, which I always help write; in contrast to letters sent out by Mom’s side of the family, my letter makes no mention of any deities, does not proclaim us to be blessed, emphasizes career and material gains* over my [neglected] search for a husband, and comes just short of stating that my mother is glad that I haven’t produced grandkids yet (and that she would rather have a grand-dog, anyway).
I also make it a point to shop at stores being targeted for not saying “Christmas” enough.
Mom wants to include a picture of our Jeep collection this year, specifically to show off the recently-acquired '09 Grand.
I’m done with the War on Christmas. All that trudging through the snow and dressing out reindeer for a paltry few pounds of gamey flank just isn’t worth it, and those plastic nativity scenes are incredibly robust. You hit one with a LAWS rocket and the pieces just bounce a few dozen feet, then the owner comes out next morning, puts them back in place, and they’re like new except that the Baby Jesus now has a second navel and Joseph is partially melted on the right side.
I am, however, declaring a war on Easter. First, I hate eggs. Second, the only use I have for rabbits is as slippers. And third, being a movable feast, it comes on some random Sunday that nobody can predict without consulting the lunar ephemeris, a duplex-duplex slide rule, and an ancient scroll that is kept in the sacrosanct and hidden all of the Inner Sanctum of the Grand Order of the Bavarian Illuminati in the basement of a Ben Franklin retail outlet in Akron, Ohio.
DianaG, you do realize that your relatives who ignore your warning will get mailings from PP every week for years, just based on that one small donation. Oh, you already knew this? Carry on, then!
I’ll put Christ back in Christmas when they strip out all the solstice iconography they co-opted from pre-Christian Europe, and go back to celebrating it in August.
Seriously. Just got another facebook thing today… “It’s a CHRISTMAS tree, not a holiday tree”. Um, it’s a Solstice tree, and you just went on the list, motherfucker.
I don’t understand the argument at all- I mean, Happy Holidays or Seasons Greetings isn’t some dirty phrase. It’s not meant to make christians feel bad or to neglect THEIR reason for the season. It’s meant to incorporate others. Talk about thinking you’re the only person in the universe. Very Christ-like.
I’m with you, DianaG
Also if I may ask, I am doing a sekret swap with someone who celebrates the Solstice. I’m at a loss as to what to include for her! Any ideas whatsoever? It’s new to me. Or maybe a website that would help- I’ve looked but had no luck.
DianaG, expect to get mailings thanking you for your past support & asking for continued support of National Right-to-Life.
Then you give to NARAL.
Then they give to Operation Rescue.
Before long, you’re scrambling to find a make-abortion-mandatory group, while getting mailings from some moral-support-to-doctor-shooters-&-clinic-burners group, or vice versa.
Profoundly unlikely. I’d be giving to PP anyway (and NARAL), I’m not interested in escalation of the abortion debate per se, I’m simply giving the same money on the same organizations I’d have given to regardless. For the record, I also give to charities that benefit actual children, but somehow that doesn’t have the same “fuck you and the high horse you rode in on” ring to it. Besides, the people I’m dealing with are a. broke, b. cheap, and above all, c. not that bright.
Hey, all I’m asking is that they not send me this crap. I don’t think it’s an unreasonable request (after all, I’ve managed to go my entire life without sending anything of the sort to anyone I wasn’t 100% sure supported my particular cause), and if it were the first time I were making it, I wouldn’t be going to this extreme.
I propose that, in honor of his memory, we wish everyone a Patrick Swayze Christmas this year. Just like in my sig. In fact, that’s just what I plan to do.
Considering their role in the lawsuit regarding religious holiday displays on public property, I think I shall do this and make the contributions to the ACLU. Woo! Thanks for the idea, DianaG!
