(ETA: Quote from the accompanying text: “No laughing matter: Even though the chart skewers the idea of the “War on Christmas” in hilarious fashion, this shouldn’t overshadow the fact that we live in a society where such a chart has to exist in the first place.”)
In the War on Holidays, Christmas is winning. It used to occupy just December and maybe the last few days of November. Now it has taken over all of November and some of October. Thanksgiving is a casualty and Halloween is encircled.
This year, I saw wreaths and ornaments and stockings and snowman figurines and reindeer decorations and Santa hats and Christmas trees on sale on September 30th.
And I made sure to take time-stamped photos in case folks expressed disbelief.
(And express disbelief they did, because, hey, who’d believe such a thing?)
(And, on review of the photos: nutcrackers, too! How did I miss that?)
Selling decorations early does not rustle my jimmies in the least. One does need to buy that tat beforehand.
People who prematurely decorate are the ones who roast my chestnuts. There is no excuse to have that gods-awful inflatable penguin nativity scene on your front lawn before Thanksgiving.
Is it considered persecution to have to listen to Christmas music at louder-than-background volume absolutely EVERYWHERE?!?!? Then, yes, I’m being persecuted. Has the whole world gone hard-of-hearing?
The thing I don’t understand about Christmas Penguins is that since penguins come from the anti-North pole that logically means they herald the coming of the Anti-Santa whose lair is at the South Pole.
I’m not sure whether Anti-Santa should deliver toys to bad kids and coal to good ones, or instead should slip in via the basement, ransack the house and steal everything not nailed down, stuff it all in his sack, then launch off in his sleigh [del]laughing[/del] cackling evilly all the way.
In either case Anti-Santa visits would be more fun (for the rest of us) than the traditional kind.
A few years ago I lived in a McMansion suburb. This was when the pre-fab lighted wire-frame deer became popular. So naturally all the Muffy’s in their H2s got competitive. Folks there had plenty of both yard space and spare change. Pretty soon they all had a pretty good herd apiece.
I and several other neighbors enjoyed rearranging the happy grazers into massive deer orgies. Even better if they had a nativity scene so we could get some inter-species action goin’ on.
With so many of those deer being motorized to turn heads, raise a foot, whatever, the whole thing could become a fantasyland of quivering steamy venison-based luvin!
I suspect most of those homeowners were Not Amused the next day. **** 'em.
The really sad thing is, there really is a war being waged on Christmas, and it’s mostly being waged by those who complain most loudly about it. See, for instance, the recent to-do about Starbucks’ cups: People were complaining about them removing such symbols as snowflakes and reindeer from the cups. The Christmas they’re fighting to defend, in other words, is the one symbolized by snowflakes and reindeer. If they were complaining about a lack of nativity scenes on the cups, they’d at least be practicing what they preach.
The next time someone complains to you about the “war on Christmas”, ask them what their favorite Christmas song is. You’ll get a lot more answers of “Jingle Bells” than you will of “Silent Night”, I can assure you of that.
I feel sorry for people who work retail. Gotta listen to that shit every moment they’re at work. I thought I had it bad because my boss likes to play Jack Johnson.
So I went to H&M to return a shirt, and I felt persecuted by the large-ass crowds and winding, never-ending line. Oh, that’s not what persecution is? Well then I was just annoyed. Don’t go shopping until February, folks, and if you must, do that shit online. God invented Amazon for a reason. I had no choice! Had I waited til Feb, my 30-day return period would have expired. Though the heartburn I felt in the store may have been worth sacrificing the $20.
I haven’t really seen anybody complaining about the cups at Starbucks. What I’ve seen is a lot of people complaining about people allegedly complaining about the cups at Starbucks.
I suppose this post could be construed as someone complaining about people complaining about people complaining about the cups at Starbucks.
