Dave, this is what you get for making your bestest friend a woman who works mostly with men and is ex-military. We are able to put a man in his place in 4 notes. 
deb
blink…blink ummm…Wow! I…umm…thanks!
Well, now I kinda feel bad about this, but I’m taking back my thread. Recess is over. Put away the toys. Sit up straight, and pay attention. And, Wyatt, stop pouting. Because, you’re about to get your wish.
This is what I’m planning on sending Theresa, unless someone can point out a glaring deficiency. It’s not perfect, but I feel like I need to send it soon, or not at all.
Whattaya think?
Hm. Well, cut out the part about your salesman skills and owning your own company. This is a love letter, not a job application. Not trying to sound hurtful, but you ramble a bit there.
“You probably haven’t given me a thought in weeks.” Sounds a little…reproachful. Don’t make her feel guilty. Try something like “I’m not sure how often you’ve thought about me, but you’ve been on my mind a lot since the last time we talked.” That’ll make her feel good, and gives her an opening to say “Of course I’ve thought about you, Dave.”
“…so why would you be interested?” Self defeating. “…and I was hoping for a chance to change that.” Might get you one. Cut the next paragraph entirely, except the part about the chemistry. Elaborate on that, it’s good.
The rest is wonderful & heartfelt, and I like it. I hope she answers this one. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you, dear one.
Mama Mo.
I am not an editor, but…Oh wait, yes I am!
I pretty much agree with Maureen. My first thought was cut out the job stuff. The 6th paragraph is too long and over analytical. You make a good point, just make it more concise.
“not let the sound of your voice and your beautiful blue eyes enrapture me.” Personally, I would use a different word or rephrase it or something. Kind of sticks out from the rest and doesn’t sound natural to the tone of the rest of the letter. Enrapture is a word that tries too hard.
But nice job overall, Dave. She better answer it. Or we’ll have the next Dopefest at Hampton Beach. Yes, Dave, I’m kidding. But I really, really do hope she answers it. It’s really very sweet.
What I’m hoping is that you were simply too busy to call, at first, and then got to feeling more awkward as time passed. If that’s the case, please do call. I would love to hear from you.
This sentence is Beautiful. Perfect!
The rest is … a lot … however, if you Want to say a lot, can I offer,
- If you don’t speak “boards” or “chat speak” … which she doesn’t … Fck 'em and I sck will look WAY weirder than the actual words would.
2)May I suggest:
I realize that the extended silence, from your end, probably means you aren’t interested in me. You probably haven’t even given me a thought, in weeks.
Would read more strongly, AND, perhaps more truely, if it was:
I’m taking the extended silence, from your end, *as meaning *you’re not interested in me. I’m concluding I haven’t even come to mind for you, in these weeks.
It tells the truth, it doesn’t speculate or tell her what she’s thinking. It also tosses out to her the request she correct your interpretation, without having to argue with you about it.
The fact is, I’m quite infatuated with you. And, I realize it probably won’t make you happy to hear that, nor do I expect it to do me any good.
Could be stated as:
The fact is, I’m extremely attracted to you, infatuated with what I’ve seen and gotten to know of you. I’m thinking it won’t make you happy to hear that, …
same reasons as above.
Ironically, poor communication skills is a common initial assessment of me. And, it is ironic, because I’m actually extremely good at communicating. I was a highly successful salesman for years, both when I owned my own company and while working for others, as well as a very good technical support rep. And, my amateur writing is very popular.
For it to have been a lack of communication on my part would be ironic. I’m typically extremely good at both listening and communicating. I’ve been successful in sales, building coporate relationships, and have had terrific results doing technical support, making clients more comfortable with using their equipment. Even my amateur writing has turned out to be popular, but, I was too distracted by wanting to listen to you, learn about you.
not a resume’ … just support for your “point”
this amazingly beautiful, intelligent, successful, and sexy woman who, for a time, at least, thought I was worth knowing.
Awww, Dave, No extremes of self-deprecation! Trust me, I’ve tried them all, they NEVER bring power into the discussion! … takes the power out of the rest of the message.
How about, " … this amazingly beautiful, intelligent, successful, and sexy woman that I found So worth knowing."
But, I must have carried that too far, without realizing I was doing it, at the time.
"But, I’m concluding I must have carried that too far, … "
I should have realized that you would not see the potential in me, as I did in you, if I didn’t tell you anything about myself, but I somehow I just didn’t see it.
If ya gotta have that sentence, how about if it just ends after “myself?”
"I should have realized that you would not see the potential in me, as I did in you, if I didn’t tell you anything about myself.
I saw real potential for a genuine relationship in you.
I saw real potential for a genuine relationship between us. (?)
Maybe I should have tried to take advantage of those openings. It certainly wasn’t because I didn’t want to make love to you.
Maybe I should have let you see and experience how much I wanted you.
or, at the least … “… because I didn’t want to make love with you.”
If it was one, or more, of the problems I listed, they are all easily resolved. (Well, keeping my passion in check is not easy, but it can be done.) And, I would love a chance to prove it.
If it was one, or more, of the possibilities I listed, they are all easily resolved. (If I need to tone my passion down, I can do my best, If I need to “tone it up” … no problem!) I would love the chance to talk all of those through with you.
*to pop in a LITTLE of the famous D.Bear sense of humor! And to avoid the word “chance” as in “second chance,” “just give me a chance,” “is there no chance” etc.
So, those are my thoughts. There are two approaches, here, one, short and open ended, the other, cover all the bases, and make the best final “pitch” possible. This is, of course, “pitching.” KEWL
Each of the things I’ve noted are just places where the wording tended to put a divider into the conversation, rather than an opening for expanded connection or communications. Neither side likes being told what they think, or were thinking. Always a put-off or fight material, not re-join, already in progress, material.
Where I’ve taken a fragment, and offered ideas of rewording, it is all with the thought in mind of leaving everything else “as is.” Anything I was thinking ought to go away, was in the snippet I brought down.
All that, except without all the typos I undoubtedly have in there.
I just read Salem’s and Maureen’s comments, we all three seem to be on a similar track, here. Just Wyatt’s is more wordy … what a shock! sigh
Wyatt Serious people skills for serious people, since, well, a while back … we now return you to our more usual goofy programming.
Oh, and [/pout]
forgot that part 
Okay. This is what I ended up with, thanks to **Mama Mo, Salem, ** and my Sensei, Wyatt. (No, I didn’t send it with *'s. Those are just for the board. Even depressed and with a throbbing headache, I’m not that silly.)
I’m off to bed. Thanks, folks.
All my editorial skills wasted because I got the chance to go to bed early.
Good luck and I hope she answers you one way or another… tough to be dangling like you are 
Dave, Dave, Dave … I agreed with Maureen’s, Salem’s, and Wyatt’s suggestions, and it’s good that you took them to heart when revising. Assuming you haven’t sent it yet, here’s my opinion. Personally, I would drop the ck words altogether, no matter if you plan to replace the * with its … umm … proper part. Not that I’m above using that language myself, it’s just that, having crafted a similar email, I think you’d want to do everything you possibly could to encourage a response. You’ve kept everything else pretty dignified, and talk positive about your time with her. I would maintain that tone. To me, the Fck comes across as too angry. She might see it and stop reading there, never giving the rest of it a chance. Now, I understand that you’re trying to explain a deficiency in the dating department by saying you sck* at dating, but perhaps there’s a better way to phrase that. Additionally, I would replace stalker with creep. Not that I think you’re a creep, Dave :D, just that the ‘s’-word has such a negative connotation, you don’t want to associate yourself with it. Otherwise it sounds great.
Just my 2% of a dollar.
GOOD LUCK, D’BEAR!!!
gots my fingers crossed for ya, dude!
I assume * this* line is meant as a tribute to me!
peritrochoid Very good points!
Why, thank ya, Wyatt!
::wonders just which part of the Seriously Cool and Everything … But … Wyatt that was replying:: 
Aargh! Well, I sent it with the *ck words. It’s how I talk, and she knows that. And, without the missing word from that line. I feel so much better, now that you’ve pointed that one out to me. I shoulda stopped when the headache started, but I didn’t. Can’t edit properly when you can’t focus your eyes. I probably shouldn’t have sent it at almost 2 am, either. If she notices that, I’m back in stalker/creep/loser land anyway. Aw, who am I kidding? None of it matters. I knew when I pressed send, I was saying goodbye to her. I should have just written what I was/am really feeling…
Bye, Theresa. I loved knowing you. Thank you. I miss you.
Aww, Dave–I haven’t said anything in a while, but I’ve been lurking all along. I, too, missed the chance to put to use my editing skills, but you got some great advice and put it to good use. I like your email, and I don’t think you came off like a creep or a stalker. I’m sorry you’re feeling sad about Theresa. I’m sure we all want to know if she replies, and what she says. We’re rooting for you!
Apology accepted Dave. I th ink you jusdt got confused because any SEX atory you heard from me since he came back into my lkife in May was definitely about him or was from my past. Any crazy ass party story about going out and drinking to excess had nothing to do with sex. For me, drinking and sex are two dofferent sport and generally I don’t mix the two. I like to drink with my girls but when I party with the Studmuffin - that is a completely different buzz…grrrwl…
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Wyatt, I never thought I qwould say this but…YOU ARE A GENIUS MAN!!! Actually I tried to give away Studmuffin’s poly-sci professer type A ex (or so I thought) gf to Dave a few months ago but Dave passed. DAMN! I should have sent a photo. HE leaves Boston today…it will be interesting to see what the next few weeks are like. I didn’t even want to talk about it long distance. I need to look him in the eye. I am not good long distance. I need to be face to face.
Okay just read the Theresa letter. I think it was sweet. Any reply?
- and the entire thread holds its breath … through the initial ‘post send’ period …*
Hm. Not a word all day. All I can think is, Dave is staying away from his computer today in order to stop himself from checking emails every 30 seconds.
Well, y’all have done nicely in my absence, but now I’m curious to know.
Do you think Theresa even realizes just how many people need closure now?
She might if she’s a SDMB regular. Wouldn’t THAT just be a hoot, eh?
Barry