I don’t know, maybe I am just really narcisistic. Telling myself “It’s his loss” (accompanied by quite a few alcoholic embellieshments and a hell of a lot of my friends) always works wonders for me! After a while I’m always slurrrrrring …“awwwfuck’em…I didn really likem ennyway…wassssisname agin?”
But then that is me…Hey Dave? Want to go get drunk with the “Girls gone Wild” crew? Might not help but you are sure to forget…something anyway~! 
Davebear sorry to read that your goodbye wasn’t as easy as as you imagined. I have some commentary but at this point it seems like it’s kinda pointless.
Anyhow, in my non-internet weekend state I missed a lot, but since you were kind enough to answer the question:
No, not offering, I’m already reformed (which is part of why I asked this), but if it eases your mind, I only wear the flogger at Christmas, it’s just a natural part of the Santa suit. Anyhow. The reason I asked about wanting someone else to provide the motivation is that I’m kinda boggled by this alternate perspective. I don’t think I could ever quit a habit (vice or otherwise) for someone else. In fact, I think I’d start to resent that person. Please don’t read this as a judgement on my part, but rather curiosity about your process for that viewpoint.
Congrats dude!!!
If ya ever need a petite brunette with a bodacious bod and an ass outta this world to join in or take over while you take a rest, gimme a call.
um. purr? I think you need to read the most recent posts.
:sigh:
freetobeme, wearing armour, approaches
This is NOT an ‘I told you so’. Don’t hate me. I think I was sorta on to something.
Let me just say that, DB, you shouldn’t feel bad but you should learn. I’m guessing you probably have. Hey, I’m no Albert Einstein. I’ve made my share of mistakes with the ladies, of which one of those was getting in too deep too fast too soon.
You’re a text book example guy. The letter, I wouldn’t have done that. There sure was a time when I would have, though. After a while you just learn to roll with it. When it hit day 10 and no word. I’d have said 'fine then, see ya later, bye-bye. ‘NEXT!’.
Either way it’s not the end of the world. It’s not a mark of any sort on your record. It really shouldn’t matter to anyone but you. This is not charachter blemishing material.
A guy that’s fresh out of a relationship need’s one thing and that is time and from time comes perspective and from perspective comes understanding. You always need time to really really get to the meat of where your last relationship went wrong before you can successfully go on to the next. You don’t do anyone (most of all yourself) favors by rushing. I know you didn’t mean to, it just happened that way.
In the mean time you date and your best friend will be the phrase ‘we’ll see how it goes’.
Hey, If you hear from her, great.
I hope y’all don’t think this is inappropriate or untimely or whatever. I guess this is what I really meant to say in the first place. I guess I was a little uptight.
Well the time thing I can’t agree with more. The guy I am seeing now I knew when I was married and he waited for me (in his owrds “in agony” while I got my heart and my act together and dated several other guys (not one of 'em seriously) after my divorce. We were friends and he stood by watching and waiting until he thought I had my head and my heart screwed on enough to attempt a real relationship…I know I am bitching about him right now 'cause he screwed up…but [hope he isn’t reading this] I know I will forgive him…he has his own can’t keep his dick in his pants issues…but he has some really wonderful points. One of which is that he loves me enough to wait for me and not pressure me into something I wasn’t ready for. It ain’t perfect and we have a looooong way to go but I do respect him for giving me that year to find myself. I needed the time to figure out who I was without being identified as so-and so’s wife/gf.
I may not be with my perfect forever soulmate right now but and I am considering telling him I need that space again. I know if I do, even though he moved here for me, he’ll do what’s right. Being alone is a whole lot better than being in the wrong relationship or being in the right relationship and figuring out that you dragged baggage in from your last wrong relationship. The trouble is, I think a lot of people never take the time to do that and end up dragging around baggage from four or five relationships and wonder why they can never be happy. They have a string of unsucessful attampts and continually blame it on bad luck or blame it on the people they meet being callous or cold, when the truth they may not want to accept is that they are projecting things from all these failed relationships on to their new ones.
I am certainly not saying that is Dave’s case, I am using this in a more general term and I am actually thinking more of a friend I know who has been married several times but she flies from one relationship to another and never thinks about why one failed before searching for the next savior. It just isn’t healthy. She is on husband #5.
My therapist told me I should spend a month alone for every year I spent in a relationship…that would mean I SHOULD have spent 14 months alone before I ever dated…I didn’t quite make that. Anyone else have thoughts about alone time between relationships?
Dave what do you think? Would you be content just hanging with some friends and being happy just being Dave? Falling in love with yourself again?
[size=1]Ok… I’ll bite … so … what have ‘we’ heard from Harmony? Do we need to committee-write a solidly seductive email for her???[size]
I doubt it. Apparently Dave´s e-mails are as great as his posts, but in the case of Theresa, what do you do when someone just doesn´t answer e-mails?
Odds are, Dave is doing fine on the Harmony “front”
It’s always nice to have options!
Hi guys.
I considered that, before I ever posted the OP. But, I doubt it. And, I’ve never told intimate details that would embarass anyone. Some of you (all of you?) know that my last two ex’s didn’t do oral sex. Big deal. That’s about the same as knowing they don’t like anchovies, IMHO. (Although oral sex is MUCH better than anchovies.)
I wish I could buy that philosophy. I’m sure it would make things easier.
Yes! 
Well, it would take a whole thread of it’s own to explain it, but there’s a hint, elsewhere in this post.
If I ever stop needing a “petite brunette with a bodacious bod and an ass outta this world”, you have my permission to unplug the life support machinery. But, it sounds like you’re more interested in Theresa than you are in me. If you’re going to be in NH, email me, and I’ll tell you how to find her. I have no idea whether she swings that way, or not. You just have to promise to never tell me what happens.
Well, you sure had me fooled. I never would have gotten that out of your first post, here. And, yes, I think it was both inappropriate and untimely, but I’m probably a tad oversensitive, right now, so I’ll take it as being meant well.
No. I’ve got no friends to hang out with, besides you guys, and I’ve never been in love with Dave.
Luckily for me, I’m very good at compartmentalizing. Other than how it affects my mood, which I can’t seem to do much about, I don’t let one person’s behavior affect my relationship with another. So, Theresa did not spoil the time I spent with Harmony, this weekend. In fact, Harmony helped me to forget about Theresa for large chunks of time.
Ummm…no. See above. And, below.
Well, yes. Front, back, sides… 
And, she kisses very nicely, when she allows herself to.
I can’t take all the credit for the email to Theresa, though. I got lots of help from some of the folks here.
YEE HAW!!
no, I’m not really a redneck … honest!
East Tennessee cheer there for ya, Davebear! That compartmentalizing comes in handy, eh? Glad to hear things are looking bright with Harmony. A little more of that kind of quality weekend time and Theresa will be a vague (though favored) memory. Hang in there, dude.
I must have missed something! Does this mean “Harmony” is warming up? This is a very good thing, I think. I know you’re not especially “into” casual sex, but, as I said before, I really think you could use something not quite so commitment driven right now.
Ya know, I think there was a place in SF that would let you order a pizza with oral sex … but the pizza was pretty poor … went out of business, I hear …
But, she has to promise TO tell us … just title the thread, "**DaveBear Do Not Read This About Theresa! ** and we’ll all know to read it!
Uh… Dave not to criticize your writing, or anything, but, did you notice the Details surrounding the statement … "time I spent with Harmony … " were a little sparse???
Daaaaaaaaave!!! we want to hear it ALL!!! "… then, when she melted into my kiss, I could feel her body forming itself to mine … her tongue wressling with mine … gentle moans … my hands caressing … " you know … the subtle nuance of the developing interrelationship of your minds … and stuff, especially Stuff!
Am I Right, Ladies and Gents.?
Yes … yes … what Wyatt said!
DETAILS, D’BEAR!
LMAO – forgive me if it sounds as if there are a lot of romance starved individuals out there…
Since Dave seems to be MIA again…do any of you arm chair shrinks want to tell me what you tink I should do with Studmuffin?
When I was writing Dave yesterday I had this totally unsettling thought…I had kind of already made up my mind to forgive him yet…if I do that, doesn’t that sort of set me up to allow him to do the same thing again? I mean the way our lives are set up we are always going to be living at different points around the world for at least the next 10 years. I have no intentions of getting married for at least that long and because of his career he will be moving around that long. At the same time, if I end it, I feel like I am kind of over reacting because I really didn’t have any commitment.
My best solution seems to be to look him in the eye and set him straight and let him know I mean business and that it was the last time he gets a free chance. (I can’t do this long distance, I have to look him in the eye - I am weird like that) But I hate giving him an ultimatum, that has never been my style. I’d like it to be a mututal agreement so I’d rather just kind of paly it cool when he gets into town (the 28th) and see what HE does.
He wanted me to call over the weekend while he was driving down and I mailed him and told him I was going to be busy…I have kind of been cool…and backed away. He knows I am not happy and I have been clear with him why. He knows it hurt me but I told him I’d rather talk about it in person than on the phone. He is spending This week and next with his parents and I am pretty sure he will be missing me - he usually does when he is there…but I can’t really tell for sure.
So, am I neurotic? Psycho? Silly female? Guys? What would you think if you were in the Studmuffin’s shoes?
Thanks, peritrochoid.
Well, yes. I guess you could say Harmony spontaneously combusted. Well, kinda spontaneously, anyway. She apparently like the email I sent her after the company party. And, I guess the little moans I got for kissing her neck, the first night, were genuine. Actually, having now heard a lot more of them, I’m pretty sure they were genuine.
We also have a date for dinner, tomorrow night, at an Italian place near my apartment. I’m thinking dessert will probably be at my place.
And, no, I’ve never really been into casual sex, but I’m thinking I could learn to enjoy it. All I need is a couple more volunteers.
Well, ya’ gotta have standards. I mean, oral sex is great and everything, but pizza is crucial!
Well, if you want me to blow my brains out, why did you help me edit that letter?
Back in Grasshopper mode, I see. I gave up writing erotica a long time ago, except for specific ladies and in private. Maybe you should get yourself a copy of Penthouse Forum (if that’s still around) and a bottle of baby oil. 
Not me. I’ve learned that lesson!
mipiace, from my perspective, clear, one-to-one, honest communication is one of the most underrated tools in relationships (budding or established) these days. People who are mature enough to know better will completely neglect it sometimes. I agree with your thoughts and think you and Studmuffin should have a heart to heart chat about where each of you stands and what you expect from the other. Sure, give him another chance, but be honest with him and yourself and make it clear where the boundaries are and what the consequences are for crossing them. Then be true to your word. I know, it’s really easy for me to say that as an outsider, but I think it is important. Just don’t leave any doubts. Easier said than done, I know, and I’m not sure it’s even possible to be completely doubt-free.
A slight tangent; Dave’s situation is a prime example of what happens when communication is a one-sided affair. I have been on both sides of the coin, and I’ve found his situation pretty agonizing at times. Knowing that, I won’t be able leave someone hanging again. Make sure you both are hearing each other.
IMOO.
In My Oddball Opinion
?? What’s that supposed to mean? Did you ever tell me what to do with Studmuffin? I mean you thought I was screwing other people while expecting him not to…but that wasn’t the case. Otherwise, I don’t think I have ever heard you mention him.
I’m glad you have met some one cool dave. just don’t fall in love so fast. take it slow this time and all will be cool. Okay, really. 
Now, THAT’s a truely “lo-fat” dessert! Good diet habits, D.Bear but, but, but, is this cutting into Sherri’s dessert time? Or are you going to be willing to share the wonders of “D.Bear the Boston Area treat”
I just want to say, "Congratulations! I think everyone should still keep studying and learning new things! And allowing volunteers is such an excellent way to open opportunities for people to give back to their communities and their legends!
[size]Wyatt making friends with preview since 2003[/size]:smack:
:smack:
I believe that was supposed to be “… head in … and to …”