OH NO!! I don't match, somebody shoot me!!!

Ok, so I’m sitting on a bench in front of my oh so wonderful excuse for a college, minding my own (slightly demented) business, reading bio notes about ATP, wondering if I can bottle it as an energy drink. I’m wearing jeans, a tye-dyed Grateful Dead t-shirt, some boots, and a backpack. This worthless two-bit cum guzzling gutter slut has the fucking nerve to approach me with a strange look in her eye. “Maybe she wants a cigarette” I think to myself…
Of course not! This nosy ape dildo has the fucking nerve to tell me my goddamn clothes don’t fucking match! I cannot believe that at 20 years old I am still being ostracized for the kind of clothes I wear. And of course, the bitch caught me at the ass end of the Worst Week of My Life[sup]TM[/sup].
I let her know that the fifty pounds of makeup on her face is cracking a little, and the ugly truth is starting to show through.
“Your face is showing”,I announce,“You might want to grab another few gallons of latex and reapply a new coat of pretty, you filthy whore”.
She stares at me, just wondering what she should pick at next… “How can you wear a shirt with so many holes in it, and it doesn’t even match your backpack!”
At this, I cringe, and decide that now is the time to remove myself from the situation before I take out my aggression toward the ignorant masses that make me doubt humanity on this pitiful excuse for a being.

“Shut your fucking cock-holster, you stupid whore. You are about one gene away from a fucking monkey and you have the gall to tell me I don’t match? I come to this god-forsaken shithole to learn something dammit, not to impress people whose age is higher than thier IQ. You are an idiot. You are nothing more than a pus filled boil on the ass of society, and if I had my druthers, I’d ram my foot so far up your ass you’d have to shit Timberland for three weeks to forget about me”.

She walked away, staring off in to space, playing with her hair, which I can only pray will fall out completely within a few days.

Forgive the pitiful rant, I guess you had to be there. Damn it felt good to get that off my chest. This is the second time someone has insulted my “fashion” sense at school this semester…c’est la vie :slight_smile:

Your shirt didn’t match your backpack?

When did this become a fashion necessity?

Shhesh. No one tells me anything anymore. Good thing I have a black leather backpack. It goes with everything. :slight_smile:

How to experience Life:

“Have conversations writh people whose clothes are not color coordinated!”
– Professor Taub, *The Sure Thing{/i]

I liked the way the OP handled the situation. One step short of violence and no ambiguity. Very good.

see? now THAT’S an excellent reason to stab someone in the eye with scissors. :slight_smile:

“ah? so you’ve got some fashion tips for me? well… I’VE GOT SOME SCISSORS FOR YOU!”

ah, if only stabbing people in the eyes with scissors was legal… the fun i could have!

Scissors? Hell, I had a backpack (an ugly one, too) full of pens and pencils. I even have a spoon in there, now tell me the THAT wouldn’t be fun! I really was considering lighting her makeup on fire. Ah well, maybe we’ll meet again :slight_smile:

Aack! Don’t do that to your Timberland’s! They’re good shoes!

The college I attend, while being quite well-known and respected in the region, also has its share of these, umm, “girls.” (I hesitate to refer to them as actual women; a real woman wouldn’t be so airheaded.) I think the majority of them are freshmen–they walk around with a very spaced-out expression hidden beneath several layers of cheaper-than-drugstore makeup, in clothes so short and tight that bits of them are literally drifting out in the breeze.

Beautiful rant, by the way.

You realize, Other that you get extra points for delivering a rant in person?

It’s possible to get a 10 by writing it out, carefully editing it, checking for subject-verb agreement, double-checking the fuck-tool agreement and then posting.

But it’s so much more satisfying to give it back with bells on to the person sent that raft of shit to you in the first place.

Well done.

The best reply is to laugh and say “you’re joking, right?”. And if she continues, tell her she actually looks fat in those jeans and you must deadpan that.

And you did the correct thing not killing her, but I don’t think a jury would have convicted you if you had. :slight_smile:

Just get a tie-died backpack with holes in it and you can avoid this problem. . .

DaLovin’ Dj

Ah thank you, thank you…I knew I could count on the dopers to suggest tye-dyed backpacks and scissors…

It’s almost scary how much better I feel after spewing out such senseless words to complete strangers…I love this game! :slight_smile:

Since I’m in the pit, I feel obligated to be profane…hmmmm
I was really hoping to work the phrase “Anus lapping jizz junkie” into my iteration…ah well, other days, other enemies :smiley:

AAARRGGHH! You missed a perfect opportunity to put a new twist on an old put-down!

You should have said: “Well, maybe my clothes don’t match, but you’re stupid and ugly - and I can always change my clothes.”

'Course, she probably wouldn’t have got it. Oh well.

What? What?!? You were wearing jeans. Jeans go with everything! Everything! I thought everyone knew that! :wink:

What a twit this girl is. And how rude she was to just walk up to you and give you that “advice”.

Great rant. So satisfying to know that you delivered it in person!

Originally posted by Yosemitebabe:

I’m not too good at keeping my mouth shut. I consider myself honest to the point of recklessness. A good quality, all in all, but occasionally painful nontheless :slight_smile:

She must have been trying to start something. Trying to get her hoohahs off by messing with you. Sounds a bit like a bully. Also sounds like she messed with the wrong girl. :slight_smile: I assume you are a woman as most 20 year old men dont have much fasion sense, know it and don’t care.

BTW what jeans and t-shirt combo doesn’t go together? And a backpack’s a backpack, they ALWAYS go together.

Osiris, just for the record, I am male. I may look like a woman with my long hair and all, but I’d make one ugly ass woman, trust me…oops… :slight_smile:

Then it is just the tie-dye that is offensive. Sorta like Disco. What other abomination from the '70s will we be subjected to next? Actually you should be happy she pointed out your fashion fox paw.
Maybe she just has a crush on you. You missed your opportunity for dinner and a movie. And since she has enough money for new clothes AND college, her treat. :wink:

[sup]Note for the sarcasm impaired: The above post was a said jokingly although I really don’t like Disco but tie-dye is kewl.[/sup]

Most? I’ll give you “some”, but alot of my friends as well as myself have been taking fashion into account sicnce about Jr. High. Not to say we were all always sucessful, but we thought about it. Here’s a great quote from “The Fly Girls” from the show “In living color”:

The tie-died shirt and jeans thing IS a “fashion sense”. Won’t get you into a packed night-club with the hotties, but if that aint your thing, then more power to you. The way you dress CAN say alot about you. It doesn’t have to, but you can relate some info about yourself by the way you dress. For example, TheOtherOne’s digs would seem to state quite clearly “I don’t care if I match, I’m comfortable”. Obviously, the girl from the OP doesn’t really know anything about fashion, or she would have picked up on the implied “fuck you” that would come her way for telling a dead-head type that they don’t match. To sum it up:

It’s cool to dig cool digs, but it aint cool to dig on someone just cause they don’t dig your digs. Dig?

DaLovin Dj’ (to whom style and flare is important)

My backpack is red. Now I want a tie-dyed one.

Did you tell this cum burpin gutter slut that she needed to go set on a fire hydrant. Ive always wanted to use that one on one of these incompetent airheads. Love the brutal honesty…