I was under the impression that ordering a “skinny” whatever also meant that you were getting sugar-free syrup, not just non-fat and no whip, is that right? I order a grande coffee and drink it black so I don’t really know.
Right. But they don’t sell skinny syrup at Starbucks, thus the issue.
Medium iced coffee in a large cup with extra ice.
Yes, they do understand standard English.
FWIW, I used to just order a large with extra ice, but they told me that if I ordered a medium in a large cup, I’d get the same thing and pay less.
That’s impressively good service for a chain store.
I wonder if maybe gaffa is under the impression that they hand him/her the cup of hot water and the tea bag separately, so that the bag goes into the not-quite-so-hot water instead of the boiling (or close to it) water going onto the tea bag. Maybe?
Yeah, that was part of my point about the barista. If someone comes up and orders a skinny mocha, you just make a non-fat no whip mocha. Reading it back that way helps, but it should be an auto translation if the barista has been there more than three months. Otherwise, they’re just holding up the line.
You: I’d like a tall skinny mocha please.
Her: Tall non-fat no whip mocha, coming up.
Done.
But since that won’t happen very often, you’re better off going it the long way, as you said. Shame.
Oh! And another point! If my experience is of any worth here, people with the “douchey” drinks aren’t even the problem. Baristas don’t mind too much if you order an Iced quad Venti four pump vanilla half soy with whip stirred Caramel Macchiato because you you know what you want. And for me, those customers were often the most fun because they know so well what they want that they have obviously had it enough to know what it’s supposed to taste like. It was a fun challenge to make it well enough to have them come back and compliment my drink. The ultimate prize was to have them request for it to be made by me in the future.
No, the worst of all are the morons who don’t know what they want and refuse to order from the menu.
“Uhhh… like, do you have a shake thing? Like without coffee or something? Yeah, a creme frappuccino! How much are those?” :mad:
Or…
“Uhhhhhhh… caramel thing. With the stuff on top.”
“A Caramel Frappuccino?”
“Sure!”
“Okay one Caramel Frappuccino coming up, it’ll be $45. Thanks, here’s your drink.”
“Two please.” :mad::smack::mad:
I’ve always felt like I’ve been air dropped into some foreign world when I make my lame attempts for uber cool status in coffee ordering at Starbucks.
Is there some kind of Master list out there I can study from so I know what the hell everything is and start dipping a toe into Douchy territory?
There is nothing douchebaggery about ordering a crazy ass coffee, I happen to be a grande, no-room Americano dude who will always take the extra shot when offered, but what makes a douche bag a douche bag is the smug grin passed out to all around after they ask for their tall, extra hot, skinny, blah, blah blah blah.
I should try ordering a medium iced mocha in a large cup, easy on the ice, no room, and see what happens.
Just ask the baristas when someone orders something weird. That’s how I found out what a “Dirty Chai”* is last week
My normal order is slightly douche-y. Generally, someone in line will have a more complicated order, but there’s a lot of writing on the cup.
*According to them, chai latte with a shot of espresso
From what I can tell from the ex that worked there, they may silently mock you, but aren’t seriously perturbed unless you raise a stink. My standard drink is a grande triple sugar-free caramel latte (is the correct term “skinny caramel” now?!), so I’m halfway there. I just need to get it with non-fat milk and ADD whipped cream. That’ll fuss 'em.
Now my cold drink choice, light caramel frappucino with a shot of espresso and java chips, is apparently a douchey order, because the conversation has always been:
“So, a Java Chip frappuccino with sugar-free caramel?”
“No, that has mocha in it. Just caramel please.”
“And with espresso? That’s like gonna melt the ice”
“That’s fine, the texture comes out fine.”
etc.
Ha! What’s funny is that whenever I order a standard Java Chip Frapp, they always ask, “want a shot of espresso in that?”
Which I always accept. Always. 
Yeah, douchey is when you act nasty towards the barista. I’ve told the story here before, but this fits - I was in line at Starbucks when someone gave one of those “hit all the variables” orders, something like a soy, half-caf, no whip, venti caramel white chocolate mocha latte with sprinkles and extra room (not quite that, but you get the picture). The barista, who’d been in a jovial mood with customers, obviously said jokingly, “Gosh, I hope I can remember that!” The customer snapped back, “You’d better!” I think the whole room looked something like: :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::mad::eek::eek::eek:
I’ve been behind that guy a few times, I think. Usually, when I get up to the barista, I loudly say, “Well, I’ll say it because I know you can’t: that guy’s a douche.***” Then the whole staff stifles their giggles and my coffee somehow ends up being free.
WIN.
***My personal belief is that a lot of douchebags are such because no one ever calls them on their shitty behavior. A little humiliation sometimes will remind them that we do, after all, live in a society. Come to think of it, this might make me a douchebag, too.
Accepting you have a problem is the first step towards solving it. 
While reading this thread, I was inspired to make my own elaborate coffee drink that I can’t get outside of my own kitchen.
Set up Aeropress. While water is heating, pour genuine, real heavy whipping cream into a beaker, get out egg beater and whip until luscious soft peaks of goodness form. Stir in vanilla. Brew the coffee, add sprinkles of cinnamon and ground cardamom and a tiny bit of sweetener. Spoon the whipped cream into the mug. Enjoy.
Going Atkins has improved my coffee drinking experience immeasurably.
I only get Starbucks when I’m away from my Keurig machine and the Timothy’s Rainforest Espresso. Most recently that’s in the loop in Chicago – now that I go there from time to time for work – and I always just get venti hot Americano, no room. Then I add three Splenda. 
Well I have the mocha mystery solved. On my weekly Sunday morning trip to SB I asked the barista. The Light Mocha that I must have been remembering from the menu board is one of the Frappaccinos. I asked about a “skinny mocha” (not on the menu board) and she said the same that has been mentioned above – regular chocolate, just no-fat milk and no whipped cream. Here’s the interesting part – she said the sugar-free chocolate that some are remembering was done in test markets, never rolled out.
I didn’t even know they made a machine to do that. Very cool!
I just use instant coffee and an ol’ mason jar.