Oh Noes! The FBI caught ON to me!! Need Answers Fast!

No! I am NOT JihadJane! And I really do need this money. Fortunately for me, the FBI (in !Nigeria! natch) will smooth things over for me for only $550. I think that is a reasonable amount to avoid criminal prosecution. Oh how I wish I was as imaginative as the 419eater guys.

From: Federal Bureau of Investigation
Dept: Anti-Terrorist & Monetary Crimes Division
Office: Washington, D.C. Headquarters
Address: J. Edgar Hoover Building 93 Pennsylvania Avenue, Nw Washington, D.C. 20535-0001

Attention: BENEFICIARY,

This is to officially inform you that a foreign bank from West Africa have transferred funds worth $10.5 Millions of United States Dollars with your name as the beneficiary. This foreign bank knows that they do not have enough facilities to effect this payment from their location to your account and therefore they used what is known as Secret Transit Diplomatic Payment (S.T.D.P) to do this transfer and they are currently awaiting a confirmation from you for final crediting to your account. Secret Transit Diplomatic Payments are not made unless the funds are related to terrorist activities, so if you are not intending to finance terrorism and your transaction is legitimate, why then did you agree to receive these funds through this means that was used instead of a direct transfer to your account?

Our findings shows that this method of transfer was used in the past to finance terrorist acts, so there is need to correct this problem now to avoid you getting into trouble when the funds reflects in your account. Under the United Nations monetary rules it is our duty as a world wide commission to correct this little problem before this fund will be credited into your personal account. Due to the increased difficulty and security measures set up by the United States for the transfer of funds from foreign banks, the FBI foreign bank commission have stopped the transfer on its way to debit your reserve account and pay you through a secured diplomatic transit account (s.d.t.a) we govern and oversee funds transfer for the World Bank and the rest of the world.
We have decided to contact you directly to acquire the proper erifications and prove from you in order to ensure that the money you are about to receive is clean and legal. The funds are right here in United State in your name, but the bank has been instructed not to release the funds to anybody until we have finalized our investigations. Note that the funds will not be credited into your personal account until the needed document is provided.
Your duty is to prove to us that the funds you are about to receive is a clean and the only way to prove that is by sending us this Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer (DIST). You are to forward this document to us immediately if you have it in your possession, if you don’t have it let us know so that we will direct you to where you will obtain it so that your funds can be released. This document is to be issued to you from the location of the foreign bank to affect your funds transfer.
The Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) often referred to as a Criminal History Record or Rap Sheet, is a listing of certain information taken from fingerprint submissions retained by the FBI in connection with arrests and, in some instances, federal employment, naturalization, or military service. This Condition is Valid until 5 days after which the funds shall be confiscated and legal action will be taken against you.
Guarantee: Funds will be released upon confirmation of the DIST document.

Final Instruction;

  1. Credit payment instruction: irrevocable credit guarantee.
  2. Beneficiary has full power when validation is cleared.
  3. Beneficiaries bank in can only release funds.
  4. Upon confirmation from the world bank / united nations.
  5. Bearers must clear bank protocol and validation request.

We have confirmed that the amount required to procure your document which is called the Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) will cost you a total of $550 USD only and the fee should be paid directly to the PAYMENT OFFICE IN NIGERIA via Western Union Money transfer.
Once you have sent the required information to EFCC, they will contact you with instructions on how to make the payment of $550 USD only for the procurement of your (DIST) DOCUMENT, to enable her expedite action on the processing and release of your payment without any further delay.
You have hereby been authorized /guaranteed by the Federal Bureau of Investigation to commence towards completing this transaction, as there shall be NO delay once payment for the (DIST) DOCUMENT has been made to the authorized agent.

NOTE: We have requested for the DIST document to make available the most complete and update records possible for the enhancement of public safety, welfare
and security of Society while recognizing the importance of individual privacy rights. If you fail to provide the Document to us, we will charge you with the
financial crimes. The United Nations Department of Justice Order 556-73 establishes rules and regulations for the subject of an FBI Identification Record to
obtain a copy of his or her own Record for review. The FBI Criminal Justice Information Service (CJIS) Division processes these requests to check illegal
activities and once you have completed payment of $550 to the agent in charge of this transaction, you’re advised to keep us posted to enable us follow up
with the release of your payment and Act fast.

FEDERAL BUREAU INVESTIGATION.
ROBERT S. MUELLER III,
DIRECTOR, FBI.

Sounds like a scam to me. My deposit cost 1000 to get cleared by the FBI.

Oh, wait, the CIA was in on my deal, so, never mind, mine was a joint operation…of course, it would cost more.

Best wishes,
hh

Based on the thread title, I thought the OP might be the 24-year-old internet Casanova from this thread.

It’s a definite scam. Everyone knows that DISTs are managed by the State Department. And you’re lucky that I happen to be the State Department Assistant Administrative Assisitant for DIST Assistance.

I’ll send you my address in PM. Ignore the fact it’s not in DC. And the State Department only accepts payment in cash, so gather together $550 in small, unmarked bills.

Doesn’t S.T.D.P. really stand for: Sexually Transmitted Disease Panel?

::d&r::

If you sign up, Eater’s got these great tools for giving your lad a runaround. These include shipping companies that always lose packages midway, the world’s best MTCN security procedure* (it involves clicking small boxes), and the wonderful world of forms. Do ask about the Church of TWAT (I think the website’s down, but you can probably get hold of the membership applications). The Eaters are always worried about lads using Google, so just remember to l33t any site names.

*I’d have to check if that one’s still working, but if it is I could send you the web address.

Thanks guys, I knew I could get help from y’all.

At first I was all :confused: when I checked out that thread, then oh, thread title.

(txobbin taps her fingers, waiting on a PM) Hey, wait a minute… I can file my taxes online, but you want cash… hmm.

I once tried to scambait a generic Nigerian letter using ideas from Eater’s, but gave up after just a few exchanges. Didn’t want to plagairize, but couldn’t think of anything newish or spiffy. This particular one caught my eye because not only did it come from a different angle, it had no misspelled words or ALL CAPS or weirdsp acin gs.
Never thought to sign up at Eater’s. I might run by and see what tools are available. Maybe I can pull off being afraid of being thought of as a terrorist.

Yes. A little known provision of the Fair Credit Reporting Act prohibits the State Department from accepting credit card payments. Gold bouillon is also acceptable.

Will you take that in bouillon cubes?

It’s a really stupid scam because for scams to work they have to rely on people being dumb and dumb people would have given up on reading that halfway through, it’s too fricken long. Being a genius* myself, I only made it 3/4’s of the way through. But at least it was spelled better than most scams.

*It says so on my business cards!

Only if they’re gold. No foil, either. We weren’t born yesterday here at the State Department.

I hear ya. I myself was born in the dark, but it wasn’t last night.
For many moons I had heard of these kinds of letters and felt ignored since I never received any. I wanted in on the fun. I think it was after I signed up at game sites that I started receiving a few. With this one, I thought I was on the leading edge of a new angle, go me! Eh, once again it seems I am on the tail end. Is this a good thing or bad?

They’re fairly common, but fun to string along. One guy on 419eater had his lad threatning to have John McCaine hang him (really).

Wow. I love to read the scambaits at 419eater, and this is the first scam letter I’ve seen that reads like it’s been written by an English-speaker. Maybe the lads are getting wise.

The four letter acronyms are a dead giveaway. Real Secret Accounts (RSA) have Three Letter Acronyms (TLA). This is obviously a scam.
Of course, I can disentangle you for a Small Monetary Payment (SMP) of only $350. That’s a whole Two hundred Dollar Discount (TDD).

IM me for details.

It stands for Single Throw Double Pole.* Why would a Nigerian scammer include a veiled reference to a type of electrical switch in such a letter, you ask? It’s all part of a coded message to his fellow conspirator who works at the Western Union office so that he knows into which account to misdirect the payment. STDP indicates a single reversal of even digits (i.e., transpose the 2nd and 4th digits of the account number). DTSP (double throw single pole) would indicate two reversals of odd digits (transpose 1st and 3rd, and 5th and 7th digits). And so on. This way, even if the victim contacts the authorities and they come looking for money that was transferred into some specified account they can’t find it - because it never got into the account it was sent to in the first place, but rather into the scammer’s real account. Ingenious, don’t you think?

*The convention in North America is to specify number of poles first, then throws, so you’ll see these listed as DPST in American electronics supplier catalogs, but as with so many other things they do things backwards across the pond.

I’m still wondering what “proper erifications” are though.

And “ensure that the money you are about to receive is clean” has money laundering written all over it.

If I were you, I wouldn’t send them a dime.

Why would the Director of the FBI contact you personally anyway? You’d fink he doesn’t have that much time to spend emailing John & Jane Q. Public about individual crimes. :smiley:

I used to do IT admin work at a college. As you might imagine, the amount of spam that 10 000 or so users would get was astronomical. Despite our best efforts to filter away the worst of it.
We had a user, one of the professors, who would just not get the fact that these were mass emails and impossible to completely filter away from the email traffic. She kept thinking that only specific, fairly influential people like her were being targeted with this stuff. So almost once a month we would explain to her again and again that “no, the police are not investigating this” and “no, we can’t reliably filter all the 419 letters you get”.
Just one of the reasons why I’m glad I left that particular singularity of bullshit-artistry, navel-gazing and self-congratulatory jerk-offery.

This is where I get confused, I have never received a single scam of this type in the ten plus years I’ve been using the internet in any internet account I actually read. I maintain a single ablative yahoo mail account that I supply the address for if I ever need to sign up for a website that I don’t completely trust, but I hardly ever use this and never check the inbox (although admittedly looking at the amount of mail that’s in there, I am sure that it is indeed packed full of spam). The vast majority of stuff I do using my main addresses and I’ve never received any spam from a website I have not signed up with.

Exactly what is it that the average user does to attract all of this spam? Especially considering these are university and work accounts, presumably people aren’t going to be using them to do anything dodgy.

The difference between you and these people is that you know what you’re doing. As you’ve figured out, all manner of wacky personality tests and web games are a nice way to harvest addresses for spamming. And this was at a time when for many people, their work or school email address was the only one they had, so they used it for everything. Which also increased the likelihood of address hunting spider bots finding their address on some random page.
Sometimes spammers just use <word_from_a_huge_wordlist>@domain.com, or <random_firstname>.<random_lastname>@domain.com to generate addresses. Since the cost of sending a single email is so low, it doesn’t matter if only a small percentage finds a recipient. Working address list are also bought and sold, so your address only needs to be once on some virus-infected machine’s address book etc. to be a target for spam.
I’d say you’ve been both extremely careful and lucky.

I assume that by “dodgy”, you mean things that are unrelated to their work/studies?
We don’t really tend to restrict people’s net use where I live. For one thing, it’s illegal here to read people’s emails without their permission. We tend to trust that people usually act responsibly. And moderate net use for your own purposes is not generally frowned upon. Then there’s the fact that this was a public college, which are supposed to be havens for the free flow of information.